Appointment

Chapter two

The bell rang loudly, signaling for class to start. I sit quietly in my seat; fully aware of how swollen my eyes are from the night before. I can feel Rose’s eyes on me, knowing she knows something is wrong; I avoid eye contact with her, ashamed of myself for being so weak. That’s when Nate and Molly walk in.

            Molly was Nate’s ride to school everyday. Everyone knew she liked him, she would hang all over him during class and I would spend the entire time plotting her murder. I knew that Nate had feelings for her as well, but she had just gotten out of a serious relationship and he wasn’t sure if he wanted to be with her yet. I watch Nate closely as he walks to his desk and takes his seat. His eyes are tear-swollen, like mine, and he is keeping very quiet, which is uncharacteristic of him. Molly takes her seat and looks at Rose and me, confused.

            After he gets his things together, he stands back up and grabs the bathroom pass before exiting the room. Molly turns to the girl next to her and whispers, “Something’s wrong with Nate, he barely spoke to me in the car.” Then, she turns to me and asks, “Emma, is Nate okay? Do you know what’s wrong?” I take a deep breath and nod.

            “Don’t worry about it, Molly. He’s fine.” I try to sound as kind and convincing as possible. The teacher stands up and starts class just as Nate walks back in. We make eye contact and he smiles, though it doesn’t touch his eyes. I feign a smile in return and look down at my empty desk.

            The class drags by very slowly and I have trouble paying attention. At 8:46 when the bell finally rings, ending first block, I can’t get up and out of my seat fast enough; I head straight for the door without looking at Nate. I walk through the halls quickly and quietly, heading for the nearest exit. I know my sister, Megan is waiting for me outside to take me to the doctor’s, and I just want to get it all over with.

 

            The ride to the doctor’s office is fairly silent, apart from Megan’s occasional question, asking me how I am. Once we get to the office, I pull out my phone and dial Nate’s number.

“Hello?”

“I just got to the doctor’s” I choke.

“You’re beautiful.” He states with conviction. “Everything is going to be okay, I promise. You are the most wonderful girl I know. You are strong and I envy your courage. I love you okay?”

“Okay,” I answer, tears sliding freely down my face.

“Call me when you are home.”

“Okay.” I hang up and smile half-heartedly at Meg before exiting the car.

Once inside I approach the counter and the woman behind the desk smiles warmly at me. “Can I help you, dear?” She asks politely. I nod and give her my name. “Alright, you need to fill out this paperwork,” She hands me a clipboard and pen. “And then when you’re finished you can just bring it back up to me. I try to smile at her but it comes out mangled and I give up, turning around to find a seat.

            The forms I fill out are fairly basic; name, age, last date of menstrual cycle. As I fill out the form, silent tears slide down my face. Megan puts her hand on mine and gives it a reassuring squeeze.

            “Just find your happy place.” She whispers to me, taking the clipboard and pen. My happy place. I smiled, despite the tears streaming freely down my face, and went to my happy place.

 

            He’s lying down in my bed, staring up at me as I stumble around my room. It was our first sleep over and my heart was racing. I had only just discovered my feelings for him and I wasn’t sure how I wanted the night to go.

            I strip my shirt and pants off after shutting the light, changing into a pair of black shorts, and then jump into my bed. Nate looks at me, eyes wide. It hadn’t occurred to me that, considering the amount of tension between us, a half naked girl next to him in bed might be a little horrifying. He looks down at my breasts and half smiles as his eyes meet mine again.

            “That’s pretty dope,” he says, looking down once more.

            “I know,” I tease. “I’m pretty much the whole package.” I wink at him in the dark, pointlessly, not even sure if he could see it.

            “Will you give me a massage?” he asks, very sweetly. This was a normal request; his shoulders were always very tense and knotted, I was the only one who could get them out.

            “Fine,” I roll my eyes at him and climb on top of him as he rolls onto his stomach.

I sit down on his lower back and drag my nails lightly across his skin, feeling him tremble with pleasure underneath me.

            “That feels good,” he breaths, closing his eyes. I smile silently and begin kneading my fingers into his back. He groans appreciatively and shifts slightly underneath me. I run my fingers up his spine and begin kneading his shoulders, pushing my thumbs into his knots; I see his eyes scrunch up, and feel his body stiffen.

            “Relax, you need to breathe deeply or it will hurt more.” I advise, softening my touch. His body relaxes and he inhales deeply as I run my fingers up his back and trace the soft spot behind his ears; he tenses again and laughs. I was the only one who knew about that secret spot, where he was most ticklish.

            “B***h.” He teased me, chuckling. I giggled and continued to work on his back. Several minutes later, when my hands grew tired I leaned back and asked if it could be my turn. He sighed loudly but moved so I could lie down.

            Smiling widely I lay down on my stomach in the spot he was just occupying. Nate gets on top of me as I had been positioned on him, and begins scratching my back. After a minute his fingers travel to my bra. He unclips it expertly and slides each strap off my shoulder and down my arm, and then he slides the bra out from underneath me and tosses it aside. My heart is thudding loudly in my chest, as if it’s trying to break free.

            He runs his hands over my bare shoulders and kneads his thumbs tenderly around my shoulder blades. I moan loudly, reveling in the feeling of his hot skin on mine.

            “That feels…amazing.” I mutter, fidgeting slightly under his touch. I almost hear his smile as he begins scratching again. Nate knows better than anyone how much I enjoy having my back scratched. He would tease me and say that I must’ve been a cat in another life.

            After some time he stops and leans down, placing his lips in between my shoulder blades. My body stiffens and I stifle a moan. His lips on my skin send tremors throughout my entire body; I can barely breathe. Slowly, he moves to get off of me, repositioning himself so he’s lying beside me. The bright moonlight shining through the window provides enough light allowing me to see his eyes studying my face.

            “What?” I ask, self-conscious.

            “Nothing, you look pretty.” He says confidently. I blush a deep scarlet, and smile, feeling foolish. I turn the rest of my body to face him, conscious of the fact that I don’t have a bra on. I’m expertly able to cover my breasts with my arms while still appearing natural. He smiles down at me and rests his arm across my hip, closing his eyes. I close my eyes as well and slowly drift off into oblivion.

            I wake with a start to find Nate’s eyes on me, his expression, concerned. Tears stream down my face as I desperately try and remember my dream.

            “What were you dreaming? Was it a nightmare?” He asks quietly, stroking my back.

            “Yes…it was. I can’t remember it now…it was very dark…” I stop, stifling a sob, and then try to continue.

            “Shh, its okay. You don’t have to tell me, shh.” He sooths me, wrapping his arm around my waist as the other moves the hair from my face, before drawing me in. I bury my face in his chest and inhale his scent, he smells of honey and sugar. Soon, my breathing slows and the tears stop. I can hear the soft sound of Nate’s snoring, feeling his chest vibrate. As the snoring grows louder I slowly drift off to sleep, feeling very peaceful.

            I wake up some time later and though his eyes are still closed, the snoring has stopped. I shift, nestling against him. His eyes open and he smiles, lifting his arm from my waist and resting his large hand against my cheek. His thumb moves back and forth, stroking the line of my jaw. My eyes close as I breathe him in.

            “I could fall asleep like this,” he mutters, sighing contentedly.

            “You’re very warm.” I breathe, looking up at him. His eyes are closed but there’s a slight smile playing at his lips. I reach up slightly and place my lips at the corner of his jaw before nuzzling my head against his chest once more. He moves impossibly closer to me and then stills before his snoring begins. The sound is peaceful and slowly I drift off into oblivion once more, perfectly content.

            When I wake again the sun is shining brightly through my window and I’m wrapped in Nate’s arms. I close my eyes and inhale deeply, unmoving, so as not to wake him. In that moment I realize for the first time just how I felt about this boy. That was it for me, he was all I needed; suddenly he was my whole world and I wanted nothing else. I was in love.

 

            “Emma Morin?” A woman calls. I look up, returning to the present. I stand up, taking the finished paperwork from my sister, and walk toward her. I follow the woman down a long, cream-colored corridor before finally reaching a door. I walk into the room, my hands shaking, and sit where the woman gestures for me to do so. She sits down across from me at her computer and begins asking me all sorts of questions. I answer robotically and try to keep myself together.

            “How old were you the first time you had intercourse?”

            “Fourteen.”

            “And how old are you now?”

            “Eighteen.”

            “And how many partners have you had?” This question halts me. I’m not sure how many ‘partners’ I’ve had. I frantically try to count. The doctor looks up, politely, but expectant.

            “I’m…I’m not exactly sure.” She nods and types something on her keyboard.

            “Is the father in the picture, Emma?”

            “Uhm…” What kind of question is that? “He isn’t…not…in the picture…” I say, still confused. She smiles politely and types something else into her program.

            “Who have you talked to about this decision?” Suddenly my whole body begins trembling and I can’t speak; I’m having a panic attack. “Emma,” the doctor starts, “Are you sure this is what you want to do?”

            I look at her kind face and suddenly I see a flash of a little boy, with brown curly hair and a beautiful smile, and I realize I can’t do it.

            “No.” I state, my voice cracking. “I cant, I’m sorry for wasting your time, but I have to go.” I jump up and shake her hand quickly before heading for the door. I rush down the corridor and make eye contact with Megan before heading outside. She sees the resolve in my eyes and grabs all our things, following me out the door.

            We are both silent as we walk to the car. It isn’t until we are nearly to my house before one of us speaks.

            “You can do this.” Megan whispers.

            “I know.” I state, my voice stronger this time. We arrive at my house and I hug her tightly before exiting the car and walking hurriedly into my home. I sit down on my couch and dial Nathan’s number. It rings only once before he answers.

            “You need to come over.” I say, shakily.

            “I’m down the street. Be there in two.” I hang up and close my eyes, counting backwards from twenty.

Twenty…nineteen…eighteen….Nate was going to lose his mind….Seventeen…sixteen…fifteen…fourteen….How am I supposed to tell him what I’ve done? He’ll never forgive me….Thirteen…twelve…eleven…ten….I’m having a baby….Nine…eight…seven…six….I smile….Five…four…three…two…one….I can do this.