Sever

She was most concerned with the dead weight of things

The head

rolling slow and solid

and lame,

unfavorably oblong,

across the laminate floor

as if it had been waiting to fall

hinged by force and pining all the while

to pass its burden to some steady, wide ground.

 

In relief, it merely fell

and thumped along, subject to faulty flooring

 

The fingers too

and heels and toes-

Knees-

small things built for precision

that snapped and sighed as if to say

they had been built wrong from the start

 

She had counted on the guilt

but weight took things to a rightful place

hips to a throw rug, eyes to the fire

 

She had felt so self-contained.

 

© Jennifer Chaussee

 

*It is your responsibility to understand copyright law.

Author's Note

This poem can be seen in Lady Ink Literary Magazine, December 30, 2011 publication.

Reviews

[Alessander]

The format reminds me of what George Herbert did 500 years ago in "Easter Wings"


Don't know if this is some sort of covert illusion to that piece, or merely a coincidence. If not, the accidental allusion would actually give this piece a different angle. Or maybe it's just simply centered lol

Anyhow, I think this piece has subtle rhetorical tricks. Doing a quick scan, it roughly falls into iambic and trochaic (with different line breaks, it's actually quite regular) with the usual trochaic sub at the beginning of some lines.

The format itself I think is supposed to simulate the rolling effect of the head, sort of like waves.

There are a lot of internal chimes too. "Oblong/along/wrong" etc which gives it a hidden rhythm.

I can tell it's very thoughtfully written

"She had felt so self-contained"

Very appropriate ending. Contrasts classically with the rolling head.

[Jennifer C]

Thanks for the feedback. It really helped me see this in a new light.