With Natural Botanical Extracts

A man drops off a package that may be sacred or may be garbage.

With Natural Botanical Extracts

Luke is nearing his destination: a jovial tang in each ascending step. It is now only two flights up, virtually nothing compared to the twelve he has already scaled. Thrashing thunder swallows the creak of the stairs whole, denying Luke any sort of momentary reflection.. His pace picks up as the storm collects chaos outside the building. The door is now in view and all the hairs on Luke’s body have become prickly and wary, bracing for great rejection at the other side of the entry. He knows if he anticipates any more he will be forced to turn around. So he takes three rapid yet gargantuan steps up and arrives at the door. Vision now blurred by tormenting anxiety, Luke has no choice but to berate the door with a tight fist, ensuring no turning back for him. He jerks his head over his shoulder to get one more glance at the flight of stairs as he imagines each rectangular prism sprouting a howling human face. The fantasy is short lived, as he is interrupted by no answer at the door. Perplexed, he chokes the brass handle with his quivering hand and bends it until he hears a remnant of a click. Dizzying achievement strikes his gut like a tidal wave as he caresses the door open. Overtly satisfied he gives a hearty sigh and lunges in.

Wasting no time to appreciate the starchy decor of the waiting room Luke glides across it and in a split second is at the reception desk.

“ Hello, how can I help you?” The cold yet human receptionist asks him.

Luke unzips his burgundy coat and pulls out a sealed fed-ex envelope. He does a quick scan to ensure that it’s the correct one. It is and Luke eases up for a moment until he feels the receptionists inquisitive stare poking holes through his coat.

“ Hi.. Um yes, just please hold onto for a couple of weeks until I come back for it. And if I don’t just please be sure to just ya know keep it here. I don’t want it in the trash. Thank you, just remember to not throw it out.” It sounds desperate off his tongue and immensely creepy. The mechanical dialogue has been prepared and meticulously rehearsed in Luke’s head before, but hearing it aloud makes him shameful. So he offers a sheepish half grin that stays up momentarily until his flight mechanism shuffles him out of the room and down the gentle stairs, into the bitter and strange storm.

Coarse rain slaps his face and rapid winds gallop across his scalp the second he exits the building. For a quiet minute he stays still in the rain, unaffected by the discomfort, the allure and relief of his victory a shelter from the storm. The drop off could have been smoother with the woman at the desk, but even if she throws it out, it’s still off Luke’s hands. As he decides to head home and decompress, a beaming fire truck glares by, alarm blaring, and terror apparent. It shocks Luke out of his head and with it reveals the fleeting and unreplicable scarcity of the street corner. Nauseous now, he backs into a broken phone booth and watches a woman in tight clothes hurry across the normally busy intersection. He is not alone in the booth, as a bustling lonely bee lands on his rapped up stub of a finger. Both impressed by the fly’s confidence and dragged down by his exhaustion, Luke refrains from squashing it. Outside the clouds still look dark and the woman in tight clothes enters a taxi.

Author's Note

ignore grammar problems

Reviews

[Taylor]

For me, this is a fragment of a story -- but it is a good beginning. You've set up a very curious situation with the delivery of a mystery package and whetted the reader's interest. I've always been told to be careful of adjectives (oh, how I love them) and as I've heeded that advice, I believe my writing has become stronger. So simpler language and more spare descriptions might benefit this piece. I look forward to seeing more.

[Kaliope]

This story is decent, but I have to say that it feels disjointed and the descriptions are a bit over the top. Be careful not to make every single action/reaction so extreme, otherwise you risk ending up with a caricature. Actually - come to think of it - it felt like your protagonist was high on something, so if that was the intention it was a pretty good description… would fit the title as well… am I on to something here? If not - apologies, that's just how I perceived it.

In any case I think you should give the reader a bit more information what's going on. And it would make a good introduction to a longer story.

You're a good writer and I'd really be interested to see this piece developed further!