Backseat Driver

Sitting, waiting, for what?

an absolution? Something constant in life?

A fairytale? A star to fall and light my future?

No.

I'm waiting to breath

To exhale the nightmares,

To realize, face, and forget the fears

step 1: find your fear

ha. easy.

Heartbeat, soul,  mind

All these places in me are places fear resides

In my sould i fear the dark places

where cowardliness waits to appear during times of bravery and courage

In my mind i fear the let down

Can't stand the hurt look that appears

on the faces of those who live through me when i fail

And in my heart i fear the fall,

the fall of those i put on high pedastals

because i can't take the pain of

disappointing realizations about those who give me hope

all i want to know

is that people know i'm here

to understand i have opinions

and ideas

and beautiful visions of life

and how it should be

but bright visions turn to black

the moment they become someone elses

and i must warn,

my vision is fading

becoming blurred and jagged

I have become a backseat driver

in my own life

How you ask?

Through all those desperately needy voices

coming from all directions

starting gently, quiet, caring

soon becoming restless ringing in my ears

loud enough to sway

the decisions of even God himself

now i sit

ideas flowing from heart

like ink from this pen

and i wonder

when does it stop?

why did it start?

biggest question of all...

when do i get to take the wheel?

 

Author's Note

ignore format/grammar/spelling mistakes