Chapter One

∞Chapter One∞

 

It was one of the worst phone calls that she had ever received. The phone was now at her feet, shattered. Megan had thrown it against the wall after what Anya had told her sank in. Now Megan felt as though her whole world had shattered, not just the phone.

Twenty-two, Megan thought to herself. It was too young to be dying. How could a fair and just God allow such an atrocity?

She was reeling from the blow that her best friend had dealt. They had been friends since preschool. Their parents, even their grandparents, were friends. Anya had just gotten engaged a few months ago, shortly after her and Bryan had their beautiful little baby girl.

Now, Anya was never going to see their little girl grow up, walk down the aisle, go to the beach, or grow old with the love of her life. It didn't seem fair to Megan. She didn't understand how Anya was do calm when there was this rage swelling inside of Megan after she received the news.

Anya told Megan that the oncologist was going to round up some of the best specialists in the area. But Megan knew better. The cheerful façade wasn't able to fool her. She knew it was bad when Anya told her that she wasn't even sure if treatment would be worth the short extension of her life.

That was when the phone had met the wall. She really should call Anya back, she knew. But she was afraid she wouldn't be able to play the part of the supportive friend and tell her everything was going to be alright. The last thing she needed at this moment was the debbie downer who didn't believe anything was going to work out the way it should.

It was selfish, Megan admitted to herself. Her best friend was in pain and needed her, but how could she of any use like this? How could Anya die?

And why didn’t she come to her? How come Megan wasn’t finding out about this until the worst had been confirmed? What happened to them telling each other everything? It hurt that Anya had shut her out while she was going through a scare like this. It explained though why Anya was being evasive and on edge the last few days.

Had Megan gotten so wrapped up in something with her own life that she hadn’t realized her best friend was in pain? How had she not known something was wrong? What was wrong with her for not knowing?

Anya had told her that the cancer was spreading so fast; there were tumors all over her body - stomach, breasts, and lymph nodes. It was only a matter of time before her bones, blood, and maybe even brain, were riddled with disease and infection.  Megan wasn't fooled, there was no cure, no treatment - only false hope on the wings of pain and sickness, which chemotherapy and radiation were sure to bring.

Angry beyond words, beyond reason, Megan ran to her room and pounced on the bed. Burying her head in her pillow she screamed and cried there for what seemed like hours.

Eventually, with puffy eyes, running nose, and a sore throat, Megan began to pull herself together. After a trip to the bathroom to change and wipe her nose, Megan returned to her living room. Megan knew that she had work due the next few days, but she didn’t care. She could edit the papers and get them back to her fellow students over the next few days. Right now, there were more pressing issues at hand.

There she scoured the internet trying to find some spark of hope. But, since Anya's doctors were unable to find the originating source of cancer, all prospects looked bleak. Survival rates were almost non-existent. But a handful of months was not something Megan was ready to accept.

She found some information on a study in Switzerland that had some minor success stories and a few clinical trials that might help, but other than that, it appeared Anya was fighting a losing battle.

But people made miraculous recoveries all the time. Maybe there was something they all had in common. What made those people survived incurable diseases so special?

Megan was shocked when she glanced at the clock and saw it was the middle of the night. Where had the day gone? She couldn't believe she had spent so many hours at her computer.

You must have lost more time that you thought when you were wallowing in your sorrow, a voice in her head remarked snidely.

Stomping it down, Megan stretched and stood. The crackling of her stiff joints as she moved only provided more evidence of her lost time. 

Stifling a yawn, Megan got up from the desk and went into the kitchen to make herself some tea and toast. Her stomach was rioting over her missed dinner, but Megan knew she shouldn't eat anything heavy right before going to bed. Her light snack would have to be enough until morning.

Megan sat at the kitchen counter while absently dunking her toast in the hot liquid. With her mind so far away, she wondered if people actually made deals with the devil, demons, or whatever. Despite the ridiculousness of the notion, Megan couldn't seem to get it out of her head now that she had thought it. Knowing a deal would never end up being to her advantage; Megan tried to convince herself it wasn't even remotely a possibility. It was ludicrous, if not impossible.

***

Unwillingly, Megan's brain continued to entertain the idea amid her deep unconscious dreams. Countless scenarios played out; they ranged from the delusional result of everything working out to nightmares of torture, vast nothingness, to the fiery pits of Hell as she was held captive by a nameless, monster to whom she had sold her soul. The only constant she witnessed as each scene flashed by was the end result - Anya got to live a full and happy life.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, Megan heard an insistent buzzing. Was Hell going to be darkness, where the only thing she would know was a constant buzzing in her ears?

It didn't take long for Megan to realize the noise wasn't coming from her dreams, but rather the stand next to her bed. It was morning, already; the sound was that of her alarm telling Megan it was time for her get to her anatomy class.

Stepping into the shower's hot steamy embrace, Megan wondered if Anya would be there. They were both enrolled at the local university for the physician's assistant program. Anya was only in her second semester due to her major change (and Kia's birth). Megan only had a year left- she traveled for a year before going to college. She had tried to get Anya to company her. It had been an amazing time and would be been even more special had her friend joined her.

After Megan's unsuccessful willing of the hot spray to wash away her sorrow along with the soap, she wrapped the towel around her body and went back into her bedroom.

At her dresser, Megan began to pull out the clothes she was going to wear for the day. After closing the drawer which stored her t-shirts, the glance she spared her reflection in the mirror made her gasp in shock. She spun around to look at the corner chain that was by the closet. Her laptop sat perched there with a blank internet page up.

Taking a moment to catch her breath and clear her mind, Megan cautiously took a step toward the chair. She didn't remember brining the computer in with her last night. Even if she had, why would it be open with the internet up? The computer was password protected and should have gone to sleep after fifteen minutes of inactivity. That would require someone to input the password to regain access to the desktop. And Megan was the only one who had the password.

Deciding it would be best to make sure she was alone, Megan quickly got dressed. When she was done, she cautiously checked her bedroom closet, half expecting someone, or something, to jump out at her. When that didn't happen, her heart slowed a little, allowing her gather the courage needed to leave her room and check the rest of the place. She checked the two closets, made sure all the windows were locked, and that the door was still bolted as she made her way through the apartment.  Knowing no one was there had decreased her anxiety level slightly. She just had to convince herself that there was a logical explanation.

Back in the bedroom, Megan stood in front of the laptop that was still on her chair. The screen had gone to sleep and the animation of a puppy pawing the screen had appeared. After gently picking it up, Megan walked back to the living room and placed it on the coffee table. The top was on a hinge, so Megan was able to pick the top up and slide it toward her like a desk. The storage space that was revealed was where all of the books for her classes were kept. Megan remembered the pathology class she had taken the summer before and wondered if Anya's cancer was addressed in any of the chapters.

As Megan leaned over to shuffle through the books, her elbow bumped the computer, waking it up. Instead of the blue screen that should have appeared with the box for the password to be input, it took her straight back to the internet page.

Only this time, it wasn't a blank page. It very plain and simple website, almost tasteful - except for the subject matter. The background was a soft gray color with the words in a deep blood red. The top of the page exclaimed: The Devil Knows. Following it were several paragraphs about how the devil charms unsuspecting mortals into giving up their souls. The side bar had a link to dispel the devil, and on how to summon one of the devil's minions.

Quickly, Megan moved the mouse to the upper right hand corner to close out of the window. After a moment of hesitation, she clicked the star, adding the page to her favorites. Second guessing herself, Megan scolded her lack of self control and decided to delete the page.

Just then, her phone rang. The display screen showed a picture of her and Anya. Megan squeezed her eyes shut in defeat. The devil really does know, doesn't he? she thought as she answered the call.

 "Anya?" Megan answered warily.

"Hey Megs," her friend answered with a sigh. "Are you on your way to class yet?"

"Um, not yet," Megan replied, glancing around. The clock on her DVR told her she didn't have much time to get there. "What's up?"

"I don't know. I guess I just don't feel like going. Bryan and I sat down and talked a lot about things yesterday. We discussed the possibility of withdrawing. But I wouldn't do anything until I spoke with the oncologist next week," she quickly finished.

Anya thought Megan must have known it was coming, but hated to keep dropping the bombshells on her.

After a few moments of silence, Anya asked, "Can we meet for coffee or something? Between classes or whatever. I wanna see you, and I'd rather talk face to face." Anya held her breath, hoping her best friend wasn't going to shut her out. She knew though it would be out of Megan's own anger, hurt, and helplessness; Megan would never do anything to intentionally hurt Anya. But Anya still needed her best friend to be there for her.

"Sure," Megan said. "I can meet you in ten minutes, if that's good for you."

Anya agreed and the girls disconnected.

Megan glanced at her computer and decided to deal with it later. After closing the laptop with more force than necessary, Megan headed back into the bathroom to brush her hair and teeth. After making sure she looked decent to leave the house - mostly by willing the hauntingly terrified look to heave her face - she headed to go meet up with Anya.

The coffee house right down the street from Megan's apartment was their usual hangout. One of the baristas, Nancy was even in their anatomy class. She knew their orders and they were always ready every Wednesday and Friday at 7 am when they walked in the door before they headed to class.

Megan was the first to arrive, which wasn't a surprise. She smiled at the girl at the counter.

"Hey Bess. The usuals, please."

"Sure thing," the girl replied as she grabbed two cups to prepare the coffees. "Don't usually see you guys around this time. Playing hooky?" she asked with a wink. 

"Something like that," came the voice from over Megan's shoulder.

Megan turned to see Anya standing there with a smile on her face. It hurt to see her look so normal, although she knew this is how Anya would want people to remember her; it was how Megan wanted to remember Anya. No one would know to look at her that she was dying. She looked so full of life, she was beautiful.

Her blonde sleek hair just teased her shoulders. Today she was wearing a pink tank top with black shorts. Long slender legs led down to the black strappy sandals with a short, pointed heel.

Sometimes, Megan wondered how they even became friends. Anya was sophisticated, even when dying her makeup was perfect. Megan on the other hand was dressed in light grey sweats with a t-shirt and flip flops. Her red curls were usually pulled up in a bun and she rarely wore makeup. Today was no exception.

The girls grabbed their drinks and headed outside into the warm spring air.

Despite their differences, it didn't take long for the pair to become best friends. And they were both better for it. No one could know them like the other - not with generations of friendship between their families. They supposed it was only natural and it was something they never questioned.

But now, sitting at a table at their favorite retreat from the world, Megan wondered how she was going to survive the rest of her life without Anya. She had a few other friends, but no one even came close to comparing to the vibrancy and light Anya brought into the world. Megan wasn't even really close to her own family, but somehow Anya became more family to her than her blood.

She would truly be alone once Anya's light faded into darkness. Things like that shouldn't happen in a righteous and just world.

"Are you okay?" Anya asked softly, bringing Megan out of her self-induced agony.

Smiling, Megan nodded. She knew she should be enjoying the time she had left with Anya instead of wallowing in her pity party.

"Yeah, I'm just tired," Megan reassured Anya. "How about you? How are you feeling?"

"I feel find," Anya replied with a smile. "Living one day at a time. Appreciating all of the little things in life."

"I can't believe this is really happening," Megan muttered as she looked away. The pain was consuming. But she knew she had better suck it up, for Anya's sake.

Anya reached across the table and gripped Megan's hand. A few tears threatened to spill from Megan's eyes, but somehow she was able to keep them at bay. 

They both knew how unfair life was. Each had dealt with their personal tragedies over the years. But they always had the other one to lean on. This was going to be the biggest challenge either of them had ever been forced to face. Even with the impending, unstoppable results, each of them knew they had to be strong for the other. There was no room for weakness.

"Are you scared?" Megan asked quietly.

Taking a moment to think, Anya tilted her head and looked at her best friend with a quiet smile.

"Yes and no. The hardest part is knowing that those who know I'm dying are walking on eggshells.

"I don't want to leave all of you. It hurts to know the pain this is causing my friends and family. But as far as dying," Anya paused a moment to collect her thoughts, “no I'm not afraid to die."

"You're not?" Megan asked, shocked.

Laughing, Anya shook her head. "Crazy, right? But I knew I'd die eventually. It's inevitable, sweetie. I just wish it wasn't so soon."

Sorrow filled Anya's face as she reached for her coffee. Megan knew she must be thinking about how her little girl was going to grow up not knowing her mother. There were so many things Anya was going to miss in Kia's life.

"But, um," Anya started, suddenly looking nervous.

Something in Megan sank.

"What's wrong?" asked Megan quickly, looking just as nervous now as Anya.

"Oh, well, I wanted to ask you something."

"Anything," assured Megan.

"It's nothing really. Silly actually," Anya qualified with a laugh. "I have a doctor appointment in three days and I was hoping you'd come. Bryan's going to be there, but I was hoping you would too."

"Of course! Did you really think I would say no?" Megan was almost hurt by Anya thinking she would let her down.

"I'm here for you - and Bryan and Kia. If you guys need anything, please don't be afraid to ask. I don't care if it's to go to appointments with you or babysit while you go get a mani-pedi," Megan scolded Anya with a laugh.

"Thanks," Anya replied with a laugh, properly chastised.

"It's my turn, and I don't really know how to say or ask this," Megan confided.

"Come on Megs, you know you can say or ask me anything."

"It's stupid, really," Megan said, trying to dismiss the subject.

Unfortunately, the impatient look that was spreading across Anya's face showed she wasn't ready to forget whatever subject was making Megan so nervous.

"Spit it out." Anya's foot and fingers started to tap as she waited. "Before I die."

With a sigh Megan asked, "What do you think happens? Ya know, once a person dies?"

The uneasy look on Megan's face had Anya perplexed. "Is this about me?"

"Yes and no."

"Well," Anya started, wondering how to word her thoughts. Theology wasn't really something they discussed. "I guess I believe good people go to Heaven and pad people go to Hell."

"Do you think it's that simple? That black and white?"

"Well, I guess there could be some ambiguity but that's why the sum of the person's actions are weighed."

"Do you think it's only God who chooses where people go? Or do you think the devil has a say?"

"What's wrong, Meg?" Anya asked, suddenly feeling slightly concerned.

"Nothing. Just that there seems to be two sides to this. Everyone talks about God judging them, but you'd think Lucifer would be part of the judgment if he's getting some of the people."

"I don't know, maybe. But I'm sure it's not like they sit around and debate the good and evil of each person. Then flip a coin to see when they're at an impasse to see where the person goes."

Megan laughed and nodded. "I guess not."

Anya wondered where this was coming from. Something was going on with Megan. It seemed like it was more than just Anya's death sentence that brought this on.

Anya's phone went off and she smiled sheepishly at Megan after reading the text message.

"I gotta run. I'll text you the details for my appointment or you can just come over in the morning for breakfast."

Grabbing her coffee cup as she stood up, Anya said, "Keep the faith, Megs. The fight's far from over."

Megan smiled and watched her best friend walk away towards her car. She knew Anya was right. The fight was far from over. This was just the beginning. There was no reason to anything rash at this point.

With a sigh, she knew it was futile. Who was she fooling? She couldn't really sell her soul. That sort of thing wasn't real. And if it was, then it was dangerous and surely never ended well.

                That was why she needed to come up with a way to save her. Desperate measures never worked out for those who were desperate enough to resort to them. Someone had to know something that could help her.

                After Anya had left Megan at the coffee shop, Megan returned to her apartment. There had been a few things she had seen around the state that were for cancer research and clinical trials. If she were lucky, maybe one of them would be for Anya and maybe they could help her.

                She knew it was risky. Even if Anya got into a trial, she could be given a placebo. But a 50/50 chance was better than no chance. If she could just gather up some information about various trials and present them to Anya, then she would see that there was a reason to have hope, and she wouldn’t have to pretend anymore.

                If there was a way to save Anya, then Megan was going to find it.

                After a few hours, Megan had found five studies in the state, with three of them being relatively local. They looked promising, and they were all looking for volunteers with different types of cancer and different stages.

                With the information written down, Megan took her cell phone and the tablet into the kitchen. This was a job that required much caffeine. She braced herself for disappointment, but held on tight to the thread of hope that someone could help.

                After starting the coffee, Megan sat at the counter and decided to start with the closest and work her way out to the farthest center. The first was at Mercy Memorial downtown. After taking a few deep, cleansing, breaths, Megan dialed the number. A few rings in, and a pleasant woman answered the phone.

                Excited that help may be within her grasp, Megan recounted the story of her best friend who had just been diagnosed with cancer and she was helping her look into some trials in the area that might help. After a few questions, Megan’s hope began to diminish.

                The woman apologized, and told Megan that she wished she could help, but with no site of origin for the cancer, and it being so widespread, that she wouldn’t be a candidate for the study they were conducting. Thinking she was helping, she also informed Megan that it would be unlikely that given her type of cancer and current condition, that she would be a candidate for any study.

                Tears streamed down Megan’s face as she hung up and called the next number, and the next, and the next.

                Everywhere she called, she got the same answer. Everyone was full of apologies but everyone said there was nothing they could do to help Anya.

                After crossing the last study off of her list, Megan stared into her coffee cup like it had all the answers in the world. If only life were that easy for answers to come on command.