From Father to Son

Once I ran, I flew, and was free,
Now I crawl, dragging my hands and knees.

Blooded brow and broken dreams,
I try to yell, but I cannot breath.

Sun has gone, and sky is black,
I cannot see, nor turn back.

Where now will I go?
Who will I turn to see?

What long, dark path lies before me?

Should I stop and wait, 

Should I press forward?

Should I sit and cry, 

Pity myself and mourn?

Stand up my son, stand and fight.
See my hand….

Grab it, and we’ll make it through this dark, 

hopeless night.

Reviews

[Glen Yumang Manese]

I liked the atmosphere of this write...you give the reader a balance in the words and the over-all aspect of things and the questions also arise in the scheme of the verse as this unfolds before you...I do recommend a few changes in this work...these are just impo...and this is your work...if I may:

The sun has gone, the sky is black,
I cannot see, I cannot turn back.
--------------------------------------------------------
Sun has gone, Sky is black,
I cannot see, nor turn back.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Should I stop and wait, should I press forward?
Should I sit and cry, pity myself and mourn?
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Should I stop and wait,
Should I press forward?
Should I sit and cry,
Pity myself and mourn?
-------------------------------------------------------
Grab it, and we’ll make it through this dark, hopeless night.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Grab it, and we’ll make it through this dark,
hopeless night.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Just by making those simple...adjustments the read gives to the reader...Good day...

[MrBooyay]

Thanks a bunch. This was an upload from some high school stuff I had done. I knew the flow coulda been better, thanks for the feedback! I really do appreciate it.

[Glen Yumang Manese]

you're welcome...

[ayele marie dalmeida]

A piece full of hope . An great piece :D

[Half Dream]

"Stand up my son, stand and fight.
See my hand….

Grab it, and we’ll make it through this dark,
hopeless night."

I really like those lines. A great poem overall. I like the idea of this poem. Thanks for sharing. :)

[Sami Khalil]

"Blooded brow and broken dreams,
I try to yell, but I cannot breath.



Sun has gone, and sky is black,
I cannot see, nor turn back."

A dark write...I like it alot...:)..................