I was in grade 6 when I first saw a blood coated clothe in the school toilet. It appeared like a proof of a big crime in the old toilet building of the school. As a child, I got shocked and ran to the teacher to tell about the crime. The teacher did not seem to be serious and she instructed the sweeper to clean the toilet. I was confused on the ignorance shown by the teacher as I was thinking about the crime and source of that blood.
Years went by and many of my friends came out of ignorance about that blood and enjoyed the feeling of being a woman. I still was ignorant and thought it might be because of some wrong "doings of people. I have seen my mother and all others suffering with the so called ‘great feeling of being a woman’. Leg pain, back pain, head ache…no pain could spare the woman from enjoying this.
I have seen my friends and cousins look at boys with a special admiration and adoration, but I never find anything significant in boys in comparison to girls. I did not consider them as superior to girls. I considered them as my friends and loved to play basket ball with them as these silly girls do like gossiping than such nice plays.
Being the daughter of a drunkard father and an ignorant mother, I had a very troubled childhood and might be because of this God made me live my childish life to the fullest and waited to give me time till I complete my tenth form. After the public examination of standard 10, I preferred to research on death as I started loving death, my troubled life accelerated my feeling towards death. Each day and night I sat and prayed for death.
One night I was praying to God for death and I believed that “death will come today”. I closed my eyes and awaited death and something came into me. I was not sure that it is not death as the new feeling took me into another world. I was confused and opened my eyes to see the new world. It was the world of women. I closed my eyes again and for the first time in my life, I prayed for the well being of the entire world.
I could sense life in my body. I was really excited as it seemed that my body is preparing itself for giving birth to generations. Suddenly I had feeling of completeness and perfection in my own personality even though I realized an inner urge and deprivation for something unknown. On the spur of the moment, everything went wrong and there was a feel of loss .My body, that was ready to give birth, became disappointed and I perceived my womb shedding tears. I could palpate the flow of blood coated tears from my womb.
I was confused on these sudden changes, which were really fresh to me. I found a drastic change in every single thought of mine. I looked at the rose flower I kept on the dining table that morning. I was really happy to pluck it from the rose plant to own it, but now my heart is sinking in sorrow while looking at it as I was thinking of the pain it would have undergone while getting detached from the plant. For the very first time in life, I had a soft corner for my mom who was trying hard to make both ends meet.
After a few days of rest, I went out to see the outside world. I just want to make sure that it is the same world, but miraculously it got changed. I felt that men are great beings than women, though I felt their crazy nature as stupidity. I found myself detaching the company of boys and getting closer to girls. I also started gossiping with them with a feeling that we are doing something really great.
Today, I love the entire world and want it to be happy. I believe that being a woman is the greatest thing on earth. I find myself capable of doing great things. A man has limitations to do things, but women have no limitations. Both man and woman can dream of going to space and such sort of adventures, but men can’t deliver and feed the child.
I do respect man for being a part of the reproduction process. Thanks to cloning that made women independent from men. Today in physical terms, a woman can think of a world without man, whereas man will find it difficult, but being a woman, I cannot think of a life without my man, as I love him a lot…I cant even think of a life without him.
I asked myself what made me think like this when science is ready to help me and all other women to have a life without man. I don’t know how to explain the psychology and philosophy of this feeling. My answer is simple. I could know the meaning of safety and security for the first time within his hands. I feel that I am 'the safest' within his hands. Now I understand, 'the greatness in the feeling of being a woman' is to accept the 'greatness of man'.
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