(Unsure of the title yet)

My first attempt at writing a song...

(verse)

It never sounds quite the same

The countless ways you say my name

Tell me how  you feel today

Could I be what you want

 Boy The edge of this knife is blunt

I doubt I could hurt you even if I want

You seem to take everything,

 And Leave me chained

For  you I’ll endure this rain

I’ll eat your lies, die from within

Drink my own tears and chase them with gin

 

(chorus)

So take a good look because you can’t break what’s already been broken

All these pieces I leave out in the open

While I play this silent tune of hope

That will one day change your mind

Know that I don’t waste my time

Without you in the end, I’ll be just fine

Yeah I’ll be just fine

 

(verse)

Baby can you cup my heart in your hands

And Pick apart the pieces worth saving

Tomorrow I’ll be your shattered memory

Encompassing your craving

 

(bridge?)

Oh im not sure why but the burn of your love it soothes me

You  were once the only force that moved me

Yeah you kept me alive

Fed the hunger that never subsides

 

(chorus)

But take a good look because you can’t break what’s already been broken

All these pieces I leave out in the open

While I play this silent tune of hope

That will one day change your mind

Know that I don’t waste my time

Without you in the end, I’ll be just fine

Yeah I’ll be just fine (repeat)

Author's Note

let me know what you think...honestly!

Reviews

[Ekai Stone]

this has great potential and it's almost there! i listened to Coastal Break by Tycho while I read, and it fit quite nicely!
try replacing 'face' with 'heart' in your second verse then, replace that second verse with the bridge making it the new 2nd verse. i think the bridge could just be "baby can you cup my heart in your hands and pick apart the pieces worth saving" repeated." I felt it like this:
(verse)
It never sounds quite the same
The countless ways you say my name
Tell me how you feel today
Could I be what you want
Boy The edge of this knife is blunt
(musical break)
I doubt I could hurt you even if I want
You seem to take everything,
And Leave me chained
For you I’ll endure this rain
I’ll eat your lies, die from within
Drink my own tears and chase them with gin

(chorus)
So take a good look because you can’t break what’s already been broken
All these pieces I leave out in the open
While I play this silent tune of hope
That will one day change your mind
Know that I don’t waste my time
Without you in the end, I’ll be just fine
Yeah I’ll be just fine

(2nd verse)
Oh im not sure why but the burn of your love it soothes me
You were once the only force that moved me
Yeah you kept me alive
Fed the hunger that never subsides
Tomorrow I’ll be your shattered memory
Encompassing your craving

(bridge)
Baby can you cup my face in your hands
And Pick apart the pieces worth saving

(chorus)
(bridge)

[An owl on the moon]

"So take a good look because you can’t break what’s already been broken.. All these pieces I leave out in the open.." Amazing song coming through here.. There is a sense of transparency... openness.. pain and pleasure... all these mingled into the music. Hope is a song that can be sung in the darkest night.

[alan khan]

i've always thought your s**t had a kind of melodic tone to it, it makes sense for you to write songs. i like this a lot.. definitely had a pretty cool rhythm to it. the chorus itself is pretty powerful.