The world is leaving me

Lately I have been sitting at home wondering what all Im doing with my life. Wondering if things werent meant to be with certain things. I realized that things havent been the way they should be. I also realized that I didnt know what I really wanted to go to school for instead it was more of me just wanting to go back because I felt like I needed to.Lately all  I do is lose sleep because Im so worried about myself and my life. I kill myself inside because all I feel is depressed and scared. I cry because Im lonely and confused on what to do. All I feel is Im stuck between two people I love  but then again who do I really love? Do I love Justin the guy that I just started going out with or do I love Zach the guy who moved to Montana that I dated? I want to be able to tell myself that things will be ok but I dont know if I can tell myself that things will be ok. All I think about lately is knowing that Im scared to get hurt physically by whoever it is that I go out with or decide to be with for the rest of my life. I dont eat anymore or if I do eat I eat just a lil bit. Sometimes I just wont eat at all. I know thats not good for me but its what I have been doing. I dont get why Im going through this stage of not wanting to eat. Its like I would rather be out drinking then eating even then I dont drink. I dont know if Im just not happy with anything or what is going on. I want things to be ok with me but at the same time Im killing myself slowly it feels like. What did I do to myself to get like this? I personally feel like the world is just miles and miles and miles away to the point where I cant see it. Where did it go I ask myself and then I realized all I did was push it away just like everything else in my life I pushed away. I pushed em away like I didnt give a monkeys butt about em. I dont get why I did that. I swear I am typing this sober and nothing else only because I am typing it right now. Please dont be mad at me I dont want someone else to be mad at me I already feel like everyone around me is mad at me and all I feel right now is a mistake. I feel confused with everything that I do I feel like everything I do is wrong. Im lost and confused. 

Reviews

[deejonamoo]

I will not pretend to know everything you are going through, but it sounds very similar to where I used to be. Jesus made all the difference for me. I would encourage you to not be afraid of Him but to trust Him and talk to Him. There is nothing you can say to Him that can change how much He loves you. If you find your worth and your value in Him, everything else just seems to fall into place. Just like the woman who poured perfume on Jesus feet, pour out your life to Him and He in turn will make it better, because the one who has been forgiven much loves much, but the one who has been forgiven little loves litle.