Chica is on the move, and the suspense is building!
My heart was racing so
fast that I felt like my chest would explode.
I could hear my pulse in my ears, a loud roar as if a train was flying
past. I leapt from my seat and looked
closely at the somewhat fuzzy images on the screen. Chica was definitely missing from the stage
and nowhere to be seen. In a panic now,
I frantically looked at the other cameras.
When I came to the storage room camera feed, my heart seemed to stop for
a second, and then raced even faster than before. Chica was standing in the storage room,
staring right into the camera. There was
no way this was real. I pinched myself
hard, which stung, so I knew I could not be dreaming. This was not a dream, but it could certainly
pass as a nightmare. I couldn’t take my
eyes from the screen featuring Chica’s close-up.
Suddenly the screen
went dark. I scrambled to check the
other screens, but they were all blank as well, with an occasional burst of
static. Out of frustration I tapped on
the screens several times, but to no avail.
After a few minutes of staring at nothing but static, the screen
suddenly jumped back online. I was
looking back at the storage room, but Chica was gone. Again.
In a frenzy, I scanned the monitors.
Party room; empty. Hallways
outside my office; clean. And then I saw Chica again. In the hall outside of the restrooms. She was looking at the camera again, but this
time her head was tilted to the side, and her mouth was open wide. The sight of her staring at the camera like
that sent shivers up and down my spine. In
surprise I took a couple steps back. I
still couldn’t believe what was happening, there was no way this could be
real. And yet, I had pinched myself, and
even if it was a dream, this was way too vivid to be in my mind. I thought back to the strange phone call I
had received. All I had to do was keep
Chica from getting to me and I would be ok.
I slammed the buttons on the sides of the doors and they slid into
place. I immediately felt better and
started to calm down, but then I realized that I had only a limited amount of
power. I couldn’t keep the doors closed
all night.
I glanced at my
watch. 1:37. Maybe there was some sort
of meter to measure how much power I had left.
I looked around my office and noticed a little monitor almost completely
hidden by a stack of paper. I pushed the
papers aside and looked at the monitor.
In green LED lights it showed that I had 81% power remaining, but at the
rate the doors were using power, I would only be able to keep them closed for maybe
an hour and a half to two hours barring any sudden or unexpected drains on the
power.
I looked at the cameras
again. Chica was nowhere to be seen yet
again. I looked over all of the camera
feeds and there was no Chica. Without
even thinking about it, I turned to the audio from the kitchen. Suddenly the speaker came alive with the
sounds of banging pots and pans.
Something was moving around in the kitchen, and I guessed it was Chica, because she was not within view of any of the cameras. Since I knew where she was, I decided to turn
off the doors to conserve as much power as possible and save it for if Chica
decided to wander in the direction of my office.
I hit the button to
deactivate the doors and checked the hallway just as a precaution. The banging from the kitchen still played
over the speakers, so I was reassured that Chica was preoccupied for the time
being. I tried to remember more from the
phone call, anything that I could use to help keep Chica away. All I could think of was that she might try
to force me to listen to those stupid songs all night or maybe force me to eat
pizza. I turned the sound down on the
speakers to decrease the noise, since the guy on the phone had warned me that
the animatronics were programmed to go where the noises were.
I collected my thoughts
as well as I could, and then turned back to the monitors. I glanced over the other rooms to make sure
Chica hadn’t slipped out of the kitchen.
All was clear. I happened to
glance at the stage and then froze. Now
Bonnie was gone.
^^ Ooo, it is getting good! XD poor guy, I would have jumped seeing it on the camera and I don't think I would want to stare at it XD but then again it is smart to keep an eye out to see where they are at *shivers lol I think you did a great job keeping it suspenseful, and I don't think I have picked up any errors really, but me was imagining him freaking out so yeah XD
Good Job
Posted 8 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
8 Years Ago
Haha thanks! XD It is difficult to capture the tension and suspense that the game creates, so I am.. read moreHaha thanks! XD It is difficult to capture the tension and suspense that the game creates, so I am glad it seems to be working out! XD Thanks again!
8 Years Ago
XD Yeah I can understand that, it is difficult and it probably would be scarier to actually see it s.. read moreXD Yeah I can understand that, it is difficult and it probably would be scarier to actually see it so phew XD no nightmares hopefully for me lol You're welcome!
8 Years Ago
Haha they are making a movie about it, I am excited to see it! XD
o.o oh dear lol XD yeah I bet you are lol xD you should tell me about it when you do cuz I don't thi.. read moreo.o oh dear lol XD yeah I bet you are lol xD you should tell me about it when you do cuz I don't think I will watch it xD
^^ Ooo, it is getting good! XD poor guy, I would have jumped seeing it on the camera and I don't think I would want to stare at it XD but then again it is smart to keep an eye out to see where they are at *shivers lol I think you did a great job keeping it suspenseful, and I don't think I have picked up any errors really, but me was imagining him freaking out so yeah XD
Good Job
Posted 8 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
8 Years Ago
Haha thanks! XD It is difficult to capture the tension and suspense that the game creates, so I am.. read moreHaha thanks! XD It is difficult to capture the tension and suspense that the game creates, so I am glad it seems to be working out! XD Thanks again!
8 Years Ago
XD Yeah I can understand that, it is difficult and it probably would be scarier to actually see it s.. read moreXD Yeah I can understand that, it is difficult and it probably would be scarier to actually see it so phew XD no nightmares hopefully for me lol You're welcome!
8 Years Ago
Haha they are making a movie about it, I am excited to see it! XD
o.o oh dear lol XD yeah I bet you are lol xD you should tell me about it when you do cuz I don't thi.. read moreo.o oh dear lol XD yeah I bet you are lol xD you should tell me about it when you do cuz I don't think I will watch it xD
Awesome! This paper really embodies the FNAF experience. It kept me at the edge of my seat the whole time. The only things I saw wrong with it were in your third from the bottom paragraph and your first one. Towards the end of the third from the bottom paragraph you wrote, "...since she was not within view of any of the cameras. Since I knew where she was, I decided to turn off the doors to conserve as much power... Consider revising the word "since" from either sentence. In the first paragraph on the last sentence you wrote, "I couldn't take my eyes from the screen featuring Chica's close-up." Maybe consider revising "close-up" to "grim face" or "Terrifying guise." Again, this paper is amazing; it satisfies the reader while sending fear through them. Very well done.
Posted 9 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
9 Years Ago
Thanks Jesse! I will definitely make those changes! Glad you liked it and thanks for the review!
Goodness, talk about heart-pounding. The picture was enough to send shivers down my spine! Nice addition, have the love-hate relationship with the cliffhangers though, but as a fellow writer, they are nice to use! Anyway, great chapter, looking forward to more!
Posted 9 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
9 Years Ago
Haha thanks! Yeah Chica it's probably the one that I find the scariest just because of that face lol.. read moreHaha thanks! Yeah Chica it's probably the one that I find the scariest just because of that face lol. Thank you! The cliffhanger are nice because it leaves the reader wanting more, which is how I like to leave it! Thank s again!
I enjoy reading and writing most all genres. I have written several short stories and am currently working on two books, as well as another story that very well could end up becoming a book too. I l.. more..