MONEY ISN'T EVERYTHING

MONEY CAN'T BUY HAPPINESS

        
                                    MONEY ISN'T EVERYTHING


                             I pity folk with loads of dough:
                             They make me sad,because I know,
                             Whatever riches they possess
                             Their money won't buy happiness

                             I see them in their costly cars,
                             Puffing away on choice cigars,
                             And grieve that not a single one
                             Can possibly be having fun

                              Around their swimming pools they lie,
                              Having rotten time,while I,
                              Can use the public beach,and share
                              My pleasure with the thousands there

                              How bored they must become,with things
                              Liked duck,champagne,and plovers wing
                              How they must long to steal away
                              And eat like me at Jheis Cafe'
                         
                              How sad it is that they cannot
                              Buy happiness with all they've got
                              And how sincerely I regret
                              They haven't found it out as yet.

Author's Note

i need honest review please:)

Reviews

[CecilA]

khicks,

You almost have me convinced; almost. Here's why. I don't believe all rich folk are unhappy, having a rotten time, bored and desire to eat at Jheis Cafe'. Probably a lot of them are putting on a facade but not all. A lot depends upon their individual circumstances and attitude.

I believe there are a lot of rich people who enjoy their luxuries. That being said, I believe you could say 'I pity some folk with loads of dough' and then I would believe you.

Also to a certain extent money can buy happiness; depending on the commodity and purpose.

However, I believe I know what you are trying to get across to your audience. A person doesn't have to be rich to be happy and live a fulfilling life. And that you pity people who believe that they do. Thus yor title "Money Isn't Everything'.

So I propose that you do a rewrite without using a blanket statement that states that all rich people are unhappy. With your talent and writing ability I know that you can recreate this very good poem.

I want you to know that this review isn't easy. Because you are talented and a good writer I don't want to discourage you. My problem is that I can be over analytical. What you have written is fine. It's just that I know some rich people who are very happy; genuinely. They enjoy all the things you wrote about except the cigars. So to me, your poem isn't entirely true. On the other hand, I know some wealthy people who are miserable like you describe in you poem; for them your poem is spot on.

I hope I have been helpful without being overbearing. I am honored to know you and feel priviledged to read you wonderful and enlightening writing. I have learned from you and it will make me a better writer. Thank you.

Sincerely, Cecil

[Jess]

Dear Cecil,
Thank you for being so analytical in your review..You helped me to analyzed further my writings.I'm so overwhelmed with your comments.
Honestly speaking,I am having a hard time to write like this,I'm only 16 years old and I'm not so good in constructing sentences in English language,,because here in the Philippines my classmate and I often talk with each other in Tagalog dialect..
I've always wanted to talk in English fluently,but I can't..So I always try my best write a poem,or a story to developed my writing skills..This is only the way I can express my feelings and opinions freely...
Anyway....YOU'RE A BIG HELP Cecil:)Thank you so much!!!


Sincerely,
KHICKS

[CecilA]

Suggestion: write your prose and poetry in Tagalog first. Then edit it in your Talalog dialect while reading it aloud. After you are satisfied with your piece, translate it into English. Verbs are difficult but it will work out. Then have someone fluent in English read it and make notations for you to ensure a proper translation of your work. If you don't have anyone in you area, I would be happy to help. Just send me your translated work and I'll make suggestions and then you can determine if it agrees with your original. At 16 your are very advanced in literature. Congratulations. In addition the English language is very difficult. I'm 67 and I have problems with it sometimes. I have visited your beautiful country and met some of your wonderful countrymen and women. You have a rich culture and delicious geography and weather. That was back in 1965, '66 and '67 during the Viet Nam War. You are doing very well. Let me know if I can be of service. If you do, first get your parents permission. I'm honest and have not immoral intentions but you have to be very careful. Unfortunately, there are a few bad people on this site. Sincerely, Cecil

[Frieda P]

Ha, so true...tells it like it is. Glad to see you appreciate the simple things in life, like writing a lovely poem about it. Nice read, kudos.

[chuna]

I'll be honest with you ..,,,,,



your work is awesome!
I love the idea that you write about the true happiness!

that is what we(poor people) must feel that "Even we do not have enough money,we can still be happy"

hands down to you my friend!

[Jess]

hahahaha:)glad you liked it my friend..yes!!your definitely right.!!!

[Bound In Red]

Wonderful and makes you think of how the other half lives and feels.

[Jess]

thanks:)i am just being sensitive to my sorroundings because i know that there are things that are not yet discover..thats life,,,money talks!!!so the under privilege were left behind grieving..

[Bound In Red]

very true and tragic.

[Jess]

yeah your right:(no matter how we [poor people] tried to experience equality,,its very impossible!