Stone

About two sides

The stone was thrown,
from the crown,
King gone, throne.

Once above the head's hail,
now under the feet, sweet sail.

Ups and downs a part,
One can't apart.

Author's Note

How is it? Please tell.

👑

Reviews

[Aarti Sriram]

Very short but so powerful metaphor dear Jeyanthi ,
Crisp writing and you have depicted so well with merely few words.
Indeed We need to learn that if there is success there will be a failure
In humility lets learn to accept both. Be it a king or a layman..
Good going dear girl!
Cheers..

[Jeyanthi]

Yeah...
Thanks for saying so...
Like rise and fall...
Have you read roses roses roses all the way..? 😇

[Marie]

A succinct write which makes wonderful use of allegory, dear Jeyanthi. Great imagery too! Lovely work! Thank you for sharing...

[Joseph]

I enjoy how this one seems to marry the 'ups' and 'downs' of living, and how you can't have one without the other in some way. - "Up and down a part, one can't apart."

Also the mindset of the "king" (I interpreted as any one of us as individuals) and how you describe his journey on feet as a 'sweet sail', like he understands that he will become king again or that he will always be the king despite if he is in an 'up' or 'down'.

I didn't fully understand the line "King gone throne", but taking that whole first stanza as a whole makes it a little more legible. A king is cast from his throne, once on high, now on low.

Great poem!

[Jeyanthi]

King off throne or king gone off throne.... I just want to hint king is no more... so throne is empty... so the stone/gemstone thrown down from the crown ( which once actually placed above the King that was on the crown)... now down, either sets sail for the heir or simply crushed under mud for anyone's sail...

[Jeyanthi]

Well ... from reader's point of view, it seems confusing... I will edit it😅...
Thank you so much for your kind review....

[Joseph]

No problem! Looking forward to seeing what else you write :)

[Twilight]

Oh Lord, you must have been "stoned" whilst writing this..? You must admit, your other poems are generally much better. And, it's "about everything"; according to the description. For such a big subject, it seems rather brief? I suspect that you are playing some mischief here, unless you could explain how this piece is "about everything"? More seriously though, stone can be associated with solidity; and possibly somehow representing the planet around us; particularly if globular in shape. In a way, the king could be representing humanity at a peak of success? After all, a king can rule all in some contexts? You also refer to "up and down". With those lines, it could be your way of trying to say how life is sometimes up and down; for example? The poem has some rhythm and rhyme, although not consistently. If you said more about your meanings in the Author's Note, or in reply to this review; I could probably make more sense of it. I prefer to be honest, so I cannot say much which is positive about this one; but I've tried. You're still welcome to send me further "read requests", and keep on writing. My more complimentary reviews, have all been sincere.

[Jeyanthi]

Stone "gemstone " from the crown 👑..
Off throne particularly says the King is no more..read moreStone "gemstone " from the crown 👑..
Off throne particularly says the King is no more..
I want to say that everything has two sides...

[Jeyanthi]

I want to add more like "grass greener on one side but other side not... rainbow has two ends... other side of cloud is clear sky... but couldn't convey well... so wrote about stone alone... thanks for the review...

[Twilight]

I think that I know what you mean, and good that you tried to explain. Indeed, it's a sign of a mature writer; that you're open to constructive criticism. And, shows integrity (that you opened up honestly). Do keep writing. It really does help, to share our thoughts and feelings in words.

[Jeyanthi]

Thank you so much. 🙏😇

[Tumi]

great rhythm and assonance in every part of the poem,
very enjoyable

[Jeyanthi]

Thank you 😀 😊

[Dave W.]

I liked this, the line Once above head hail, now on feet, sweet sail." sounds great reading aloud. Thank you for writing this.

[Jeyanthi]

Thank you 😀