Playful

When life is full of surprise tests, Its worth to make best mistakes!

The kites are made to fly higher,
Just to block it by tress uproot.

Giving up all our breathing air,
Just fluffy balloons to blown out.

On sea shore building sand castles,
Just high waves to turn them bristles.

When I walk past the memory,
Countless remainder of silly
recorded in my diary,

Inducing laughable belly.

And at the end of the day break,
So many to come all my way.

Reviews

[Rajat malik]

Yeap....rightly so, you showed how we feel when we are in front of a challenge but when it is gone we feel so great and relaxed.....
You demonstrated the reality and that too amazingly

[Jeyanthi]

You said more than what i want to tell in this poem. :P

Thanks... :D

[Rajat malik]

nope, fruity loops.....
I was highlighting the reality of this cute poem

[James Hanna-Magill]

Dear Jeyanthi

As I set up the 'Iambic Tetrameter' contest in the Blue Rose Cafe, and Helena has been so kind as to ask me to judge it, I want to make a couple of remarks on this piece at the outset, as I will do with anyone else who enters.

I am not going to review it as it would be unfair to others.

First? Neat poem.

But then we have to look at the rules of the Blue Rose Cafe competition.

I would note, that whilst you use Tetrameter (eight beats to the bar) it is not always Iambic.

Iambic Tetrameter sustains a rhythm in each line of four pieces of two syllables, where the first beat is short and the second accented.

Read aloud it goes da DUM / da / DUM / da DUM / da DUM.

If you read your piece aloud you will see it does not always do that in certain lines.

The competition also requires a fixed rhyme scheme where here you have none.

Please do not get me wrong, I like this as a piece of poetry, but it does not follow the rules of engagement for The Blue Rose Cafe competition.

Maybe you would like to have another go.

That would be great.

Thank you for entering your piece.

Good luck with your writing and all the best


James

[Jeyanthi]

I thought using ABABCC scheme is well enough.

Thanks for commenting without ignoring it. :D

[James Hanna-Magill]

No not ignored at all. I think in terms of rhyming for example the CC of break and way takes a little imagination as above all does the BB of uproot and out. The rhymes aren't that close in a number of places. It's more the meter I am conscious of and trying to keep the beat. Best wishes, James

[Saddam]

When I walk past the memory,
Countless remainder of silly
recorded in my diary,
Inducing laughable belly.

When I look back into my diary I found many uncertain thing that made me laugh and sad. Great write.

[Jeyanthi]

Yes! Diary can retell our best stories.

Thanks yaar!! :D

[Saddam]

Welcome dear always...

[Pushkar Prabhat]

hehe..........funny.......
well written........this was deep below the playful surface.....
"Giving up all our breathing air,
Just fluffy balloons to blown out."
bravo!!!
i loved it!!!
:)

[Jeyanthi]

Just tried... :P

Thanks :P

[Pushkar Prabhat]

you are welcome...........:) :)

[Jeyanthi]

you too... :P

[Pushkar Prabhat]

:) :) :)...............