They Say When God Closes One Door, He Opens A Window, But What If He Forgets To Open That Window?

my boyfriend left for deployment today, for six months. I'm dealing with a lot of s**t, including a sexual assault investigation. I'm gonna feel alone for a while

 

They Say When God Closes One Door, He Opens A Window, But What If He Forgets To Open That Window?

 

It’s raining today

And tears are streaming down my face

Every day lately

It seems this sadness won’t erase

I struggle even more now

Because now I am alone

Alone in a foreign land

Alone with no one to hold my hand

I suppose this is the part

Where I’m supposed to take care of myself

But I can’t

Not when I need so much help

Because I’m not strong

I thought I was

But maybe I’m not

I’m on a skyscraper

And I’m calling down

But no one can hear me

They’re on the ground

So all I hear is the echoing sound

Of my own cries

But soon sound dies

And there’s nothing

No one to tell me it’s gonna be okay

Though, if there was, I doubt I’d believe them anyway

But at least to give me something to work with

Something to hope  for

God closes doors

But what if he forgot to open the window

Because I’m trying

And it’s latched shut

So I just sit here

On this dusty old couch

In this dank, dark place

Where all I have is space

Time

To reflect

On how I became such a mess

On when this became a pattern

When things ceased to matter

Because this is what I do

I sit here and I write to you

Because what else do I have left?

I’m just stuck in this filthy mess

And it’s suffocating

Because there’s no air in this place

No water

Except for the tears on my face

I can’t breathe

And it’s a mystery to me

With many people around me

Why I feel so lonely

Because I do

And now the one person

Who has been my support

My comfort

My security blanket

Has been ripped from my arms

Now I’m left in the way of harm

Because I’m scared

And I don’t know what to do

Because there’s nothing left to do

But just accept it

Accept all this s**t

Because it’s not going to change

So I guess I’ll just suck it up

I mean, what choice do I have?

I don’t

So I’ll just stay here

In this dusty old cabin

With shut-up doors

And remnants of forgotten windows

Hoping air will seep in through the cracks

So I can breathe again.

 

Reviews

[These Haunted Hallways]

Wow, damn! This totally reminded me of my story, 'A Collapsed Soul.' I think this is fantastic. Heartbreaking in every way, and such power and vigor! But, an investigation? Jeez, is everything ok??? =/

M.