Come On Baby, Let's Bring This World To It's Knees

destined for destruction

Come On Baby, Let’s Bring This World To Its Knees

 

 

Oh honey

What have you done?

I think you just took my gun

And shot me

Rearrange the pieces

Into a straight line

Oh baby let’s go back in time

When I was yours and nothing was mine

Because I fell

Had a direct line into hell

But you gave me the number

Baby remember when you were my rain and thunder

However we are no more

A filthy rag lying on the floor

I hear no knocks on the door

Just the pitter patter of feet

Running on the broken glass on the street

Tear me up

And break me down

You always said I looked beautiful on the ground

Tick-tock

Turn back the clock

And have ourselves a little talk

We were destruction

Tore this world apart

Set this house on fire

I was the cheater

You were the liar

We’re a mess

Which makes us the best

So turn this around

Take a chance

Baby let’s dance until we drown.

 

Reviews

[MMSzesny]

Hi,
I like the theme and mood in this piece. If you read aloud however, there are a few spots where the rhyme scheme falls out of its rhyme. You start off on a down beat, but sometimes your A and B rhyme patterns fall on opposite sides of the beat in the rhythm. It causes some audio awkwardness, and a break in the flow.

Great word choices. Very descriptive and emotional.
Thanks for sharing.

[KatiePie]

Jewl every time I read your word I get blown away by how amazing you are at putting emotions on paper, it's a beautiful piece. I hope you know that. :) If not then well... Now you do. Miss and love you. :D
-Cathrine

[These Haunted Hallways]

Woh! I can see everything here. It's like both worlds are all over the place, and trying to right things have been difficult to do for quite some time. I totally know the feeling, and this is great how u described it here. A lot of emotions pouring out. Great piece!

M.

[Helen Woodward]

I wonder if we could turn back the clock to times better, if we could forget the horror of today? Probably not, but it is certainly worth the effort.
It doesn't sound like a walk in the park, it is difficult to define whether your piece is fact or fiction...I hope it is the latter, if not then a new start with a new person might be the thing to do...
Waddayareckon?
In depth work here:-)

Helen~