Take It Back

For two days, I’ve been moping around

Waiting for sleep or you

Whichever came first was just fine with me

Both times, it’s been you

 

But we broke up

So I shouldn’t need you anymore

I shouldn’t see you the way I see you

I shouldn’t love you the way I love you,

 

With all your sensitivity

With all your perfection

With all your light,

And all this love I have for you

 

This love that makes me acutely aware

Of the fact that we should both move on

This love that makes me burn

At the thought of you with someone else

 

If I never love anyone like this again,

I’ll be happy

Because there’s something sinister

About someone having this much power over another

 

There’s something evil

In the ability you have to make me mad

I’ve never had a reason to be jealous,

And now it is not my right

 

But I hate the idea

Of you being with someone else

Loving someone else

Holding, loving, touching, breathing on another woman’s neck as they sleep beside you

 

I hate being in love,

I’d gladly give it back

I hate that you’re the only thing on my mind

But you can just live normally

 

In every relationship, one is the fool

You think that it’s you,

But I know what I wish you knew

I know that it’s me

 

I don’t know how much longer I can live like this

With seeing you, and talking to you all the time

Because I always forget that we’re not together

And I take pictures of your smile in my mind and feel guilty for looking at it later

 

I get closer to you, while trying to push you away

I am rude to you, hoping that you’ll see that I need you

But hoping that you don’t, because you’ll decide to stay

And if you don’t, it’ll hurt more

 

I pretend to be strong, and I make all the decisions

But it hurts to be the grown-up who’s a fool

It hurts to know that this could be worse

It hurts to know that you’re there and I’m here

 

And when I need you to hold, you can’t be

And I shouldn’t want to hold you, because we broke up

And I shouldn’t be angry, because we broke up

I shouldn’t flirt with you because we broke up

 

I shouldn’t love you

 

Because we broke up

 

But that doesn’t change the fact that I do