streetcar named pandora

the fire of human desperation bruns without remorse it will continue after everything takes its course she shall sit among the weeds appearing debonair hunched back and hunched future nothing left to spare all of the sylables may falter on your tongue you see a creature so mis-guided yet so young you hand me down shoes that I can never fill I can't stop moving but my mind lies still come on what do you think would happen? pandora trapped inside come on what do you think will happen? the living bide their time... eyes belonging to a person I don't know the camera is erratic but the film is slow i lie and yet I grow so tired as I wait dreaming dreams I hope transpire i hope its not too late... come on what do you think would happen? pandora trapped inside come on what do you think will happen? the living bide their time... the fire of human desperation bruns without remorse it will continue after everything takes its course she shall sit among the weeds appearing debonair hunched back and hunched future nothing left to spare come on what do you think would happen? pandora trapped inside come on what do you think will happen? the living bide their time...

 

Reviews

[Ravenskald]

come on what do you think would happen?
pandora trapped inside
come on what do you think will happen?
the living bide their time...

love the lines and lyric ..
whats the worst that can happen if you open the box
and the living bide their time ..
as they don't need to even consider opening the box

to quote your other work ,
you can probably open the box twice a day
if your living under the stopped clock.

Smash the mirror
take a chance ...
the open box,
the clock has stopped
so has the dance

[Lady Lazarus.]

its actually lyrics which i forgot to mention!

[ALifeAquatic]

I agree that this sounds more like lyrics than poetry, having said that I don't think the rhyme scheme boxes you in at all, more than anything I love how deep this is, I won't try and decipher it but I do think it has more than its first layer of meaning!

Rambling really, but I really like this, very clever, in fact it is ten times cleverer than anything else I've read on writer's cafe.

AHouseOfChambers

[W.k.kortas]

Reads very much like song lyrics as opposed to straight poetry. I like the "updating" of Pandora, as it were, but I don't know if the rhyme scheme helps you here--if it is not a song lyric, I might look at scrapping the rhyme, as it feels like it boxes you in a bit.