I am but a man yet...

a poem about saying goodbye,moving on and being unable to.

We stand pathetic in the damp street outside the station

the birth of something reared on hind legs its fondations

you avert your gaze so our eyes don't meet

desolation can be so discreet

 

and I don't know where I'm going

dunno If I'll arrive 

I need to crash right into it

I need to be revived

 

You start to smoke which you often do in this cold

I could have kept you warm ,but  you withhold

your skins a grey yellow pallid of yolk cut from the egg

I will recoil if I see you again because I loved you instead...

 

and I don't know where I'm going

 

dunno If I'll arrive 

I need to crash right into it

I need to be revived

 

We ample out to where the buses exhaust their fumes

sitting at the stop and watch the shapes that life assumes

I want to be a child again when the adults would kid on to get along

I'd like to  see you one day,but you'd be gone again before long

 

and I don't know where I'm going

 

 

dunno If I'll arrive 

I need to crash right into it

I need to be revived

 

We both hold each other for what could only have been a second

I feel your heart in my chest and see life must keep progression

You step onto the bus and look back at me.Not once.Not Twice.

I watch as you float off again....

my ceased,my love, my wife...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Reviews

[cest la vie]

Wonderful tale of the primal pain of lovers parting. This is really a good write.
"dunno If I'll arrive
I need to crash right into it
I need to be revived"

Excellent phrasing. Look forward to reading more of your work.

[Annelise]

Wow, if you could only understand how deeply I feel this poem. You have effectively put into words what I have not been able too. You describe these emotions perfectly with skill and ease. It is a perfect mix of longing, somber, and the beginnings of numbness. Very atmospheric and lovely, with a hint of fresh, aching pain.

"I will recoil if I see you again because I loved you instead..."

This line sums it up. Everything, all the pain and aching, just perfect.

[Michael]

You tell a very good story with it. By that I mean it is much more than just some random thoughts. Your use of a chorus verse really adds to the feel of it.

I do see a couple of nits:

fondations = foundations
In the 5th stanza, "ample" should be "amble" I think

[bluessadmood]

Goodbye is never easy ..my life has always been goodbyes
i have traveled long..i missed so many..tears would fall without count
i know these stations of busses and trains..i never liked them
it told me of times ..so many times to depart
We stand pathetic in the damp street outside the station
and I don't know where I'm going
dunno If I'll arrive
I need to crash right into it
I need to be revived
I could have kept you warm ,but you withhold
We both hold each other for what could only have been a second
I feel your heart in my chest and see life must keep progression
oh dear ..i was happy before i read this ..it brought so many bad memories
i spent lots of my life leaving somebody saying goodbye
how i hate this word..but i have used it a lot
its like always on my mind..part of my life ..story of my life
but this was very well written..though sad very sad
wonderful write..

[Sam Summers]

"I need to crash right into it
I need to be revived"

i absolutely love that couplet. and the bit about egg yolk. sorry for not being able to do a proper review, you'll have to make do with my pointing out favourite lines like a baby who's just learned to say "that's a good line"

but it is very good