Where Angels Fear To Tread.

 Close my legs

Close my eyes

Shut the door and brush my thigh,

The room is warm but I can feel a draft,

The cold and insects flock in,

Lights attracting and burning fabricated wings...

mutual regard for a passing expression,

fall back laughing to try stop repressing,

hands pushing through cranial cavities.

 Newton can f**k off as this apple does'nt know gravity

suspended like a nativity angel

paper wings and tinsel halo...

You won't move aside to let me walk by.

I would give you a slap but I guess I'm too shy,

 

Its a problem I can't negotiate.

The jumper crushes the lovers and stands up to inspect

romantics broken and fallen....

a Robins weak neck.

Its funny how the inanimated move unable to ignore,

These chapped dry lips will kiss once more..

The only beautiful thing now is the liliacs their small hearts feed,

skin and blood cultivate the seeds,

The flowers grow like heads in prayer...

a fragrant procession who stand despair.

Toddler who made a playdoh wedding ring even as she grew,

Its got a perculiar smell and colour but its all for you...

 

 

 

Reviews

[Raef C. Boylan]

It's quite fierce, and I like that.
A few times I thought the sentence structure didn't match the tone of the poem, like it slowed it down or made it seem less mature, e.g:
"The jumper crushes the lovers and stands up to inspect
romantics broken and fallen like a Robins weak neck" - I felt that the simile might have worked better as imagery worked into line, rather than using 'like'. Could just be me though.

I think you have a lot of talent but need to refine it a little. It's maybe part of your style to avoid punctuation, I don't know, but sometimes punctuation can help break lines up and cut down on the words needed to link ideas. This piece is slightly surreal and intense; I think you could make it even more so, in a good way, by re-examining your rhyme scheme and wording.

Or maybe I should go f**k myself.
I don't know.

Let me know if this feedback pissed you off or was at all helpful.

[Your Tasty Field Adviso..]

this poem is yet again, greatfully done. it seems to have its own geneouse within it and behind the pen. great work.

[No]

i truly love the graphic quality of this piece, it makes everything seem so much more alive. i also appreciate the way you incorporate romanticism and cynicism into the same piece and in varrying frequencies, it adds a lot of personality,
i really enjoyed this.
mj

[Ravenskald]

wow, pretty dark and kinda wonderful
" Newton can f**k off as this apple does'nt know gravity
suspended like a nativity angel
paper wings and tinsel halo"
I don't get all of it, but the general bittersweet sentiment is washing over on the first read
Wonderful
:)
~R