Hallowed

Slip off the stilettos

That click in hollow hallways
And slip quietly from the masses

 

Touch the rough stone walls
That catch my nails and snag my sweater
And think of nothing

 

Until my feet feel the coolness
of tile through nylon,
just as on tiny toes in tights
reminding me...

I was cold then too

And I was sneaking
Secretly exploring

Longing to get lost

To find an ageless secret passage
Within what I knew were brand new walls

 

I reveled in the stones that spoke of God
And the walls that whispered wisdom
The silent oak that sought for prayers
And the books that beckoned knowledge

 

I could have spent hours hidden in bell towers
The crepe paper cathedral of a child’s soul

 

But I got bigger and these ceilings
Stayed

And the faces of saints that sat around me
Faded to minimal sketches of broken lines and I

 

Confined

 

Myself to the empty circle and didn’t
Seek and didn’t
Grow and I forgot

What these hallowed hallways felt like

 

And in the moment that the chilled floor
Calls to my craving soul the only feeling more powerful
Than how far away its been

 

Is how close it all still is

Reviews

[Sel Whiteley]

This is a brilliant poem. The depiction of your struggle with belief is well realized throughout.
I’m not sure about the use of adverbs in this poem. I also always adore the poems that have the bravery not to use punctuation. I’ve never had the confidence to even attempt that.
Also, I find there are too many “its” that squander your potential to make the poem more imagistic/succinct. For instance:

Until my feet felt that coolness
of tile through nylon,
as on my tiny toes in tights
reminding me
I was cold then too

Also, I think if you made the line “it felt like I could have spent hours/ Hidden away in bell towers” which is very tentative, having two conditionals “felt like” and “I could have”, I would prefer to see the line just that little bit more imperative, “I could have spent hours.” I hope you don’t mind the criticism. I was just reading about your openness to constructive criticism on your profile. That’s refreshing. I hope you will find the time to constructively criticize some of my work, I know there are faults but I am not objective enough to find them all.

[Fabian G. Franklin]

It is always beautiful to remember and be remembered by God...Bless.

[Sujash I. Purna]

"To find an ageless secret passage
Within what I knew were brand new walls"

these two lines will echo in my mind...great writing!

[Tina Kline]

What a wonderful write. Memories can be powerful and stay with us through the years and sometimes draw us back to that moment when the memory was made.

[Emily B]

oh, yes! tremendous tall words :)

[ju]

"Until my feet hit the tile / And its coolness feels against nylons..... I was cold then too" i love all of that part. a great opening, drew me in. very descriptive, not too wordy. enjoyed :)

[Ladysue]

This flows effortlessly with with tremendous feeling...I love the hallway, walls and secret passage that grips and works very well in this piece. i tried something with that once but never worked out. this is extremely good writing..poetry at its finest...excellent ending...

[An owl on the moon]

What a marvelous write... the sacred experience, encountered as a child.. left behind yet remembered... and that sense of seeking once again. Beautifully confessed and expressed within a deep world of awe...

[Nothing Personal]

Well, quite an interesting thought. I mean I am still in a dilemma to take this literally or maybe seek for a different sense of meaning/holyness/piety that you may be searching through these words. Is it a child moved away from religion or is it a being moved away from harmony, peace and deeper insight? It is undeniably not important as this remains a beautifully delivered enigmatic piece of poetry. Personal too..