Chapter 1 - Modified

 

I was nervous, of course, being a twenty year-old girl walking alone at three o’clock in the morning, in a bad part of Phoenix. But now was the only chance I had. I still couldn’t believe I had been foolish enough to leave my purse behind after the show. But Brian, the club’s owner was flying to Russia the next morning, and as popular as Modified, the club, was, it wasn’t doing well enough to stay afloat. So this was my last chance to repossess the important things like my driver’s license and social security card before the wrecking ball arrived next week. Or worse, some homeless guy stumbled into the club for shelter and found my wallet.

            I suddenly paused on the sidewalk; feeling like someone was watching me. I stopped and glanced over both shoulders, making sure there wasn’t anyone around. The only things hinting at human presence were Brian’s car and a stolen cart full of aluminum cans, but neither had occupants.

            My boots crunched on the old sidewalk; loose rocks sticking to my worn soles and clicking on the decaying cement. I tried to scrape off the stray pebbles as I approached the old building. I looked up towards the building once I had rid my shoes of their parasites. There was a tingling deep in my stomach; a gut feeling that I should just turn around and run away, but I didn’t really have a practical choice. I needed my purse back and when I compared the inconvenience of my hair standing on end, to going to the DMV to replace my driver’s license, I realized being a little spooked didn’t seem so bad.

            A light wind rustled the leaves of the overgrowth next to the front door, only adding the post-Halloween ambiance. I looked resentfully at the building, a dark cloud hanging around it that I couldn’t really see with either of my physical eyes. It was like a shadow that wasn’t there when I tried to see it, and I could only catch glimpses of it peripherally. I reassured myself that there was really nothing there; that I was seeing things simply because I was alone at night and watched too many Kevin Williamson movies as a preteen. I’m not a virgin, so if there were to be a psychopath in the darkened building, I wouldn’t survive. Damn it.

            I took a deep breath to steady myself. To free my mind of its silly thoughts.

            The front door of the club open pushed open easily, and I was grateful Brian hadn’t locked it up yet. The giant room visible from the foyer was empty, save the many large amps in the corner, and two microphone stands placed sporadically. I knew that’s what he was here for; to finish collecting his equipment before he set off tomorrow afternoon. Before he went to his church, was put in missionary mode like every good little Mormon boy, and was sent packing. I still couldn’t believe he was going. He was only doing it to make his mother happy. I would miss him somewhat, but a large part of me was grateful that he would be gone for two years, that I wouldn’t have to let him down. Fate would do that for me.

            Modified was an old house, on the half of 3^rd street that had been neglected in the downtown development. It was a small house to begin with, probably close to eighty years old. Brian had bought it many years ago, torn down a few walls and turned it into a tiny music club. Most any musician in Phoenix knew what Modified was, and knew Brian on a first name basis. I myself had played there many times with my two best friends. It was Brian’s baby; his pet project and the thing he loved most in the world. I still couldn’t believe he was leaving it behind for two years in Russia. Cold, impersonal, Russia. That was a lie, I have no idea what Russia is like. Maybe it’s friendly and inviting as well as thirty below.

            “Brian?” I called into the room as I stepped inside cautiously. “I know you’re here, I saw your car out back still!” I waited hesitantly, but there was no reply. I thought maybe he had gone out with Nathan, or another one of his bandmates to celebrate, and taken someone else’s car. He and Nathan would head back after the party to pack up. Nathan was the other guitarist in Brian’s band, and Nathan was an older brother to Joey, my band’s drummer. So obviously, I had met Brian through Nathan.

            I shrugged, trying to lose the uneasy feeling, then strained my eyes in the darkness to find the cord to the light bulb hanging from the ceiling. I heard my shoes clicking on the old wooden floor, but they weren’t the only set of shoes moving. I paused suddenly, realizing what I was hearing. The surreal, fictionalized sound of someone else in the room. There had to be someone else there with me, but the only proof I had was the combination of an echo and my own paranoia. I looked around in the darkness, hoping to see someone I recognized, so I was able to hit them for spooking me even more so than I already was. I couldn’t see any hint of someone else in the dark, so stomped my foot. This time, only a tiny echo came off the far walls. I raised an eyebrow and started walking again quickly towards the string. This time, I knew there was an extra set of feet, because there was a quicker shuffle, as if to get away from the light, or my eyes.

            As I pulled the light on, the bathroom door creaked open slightly more ajar than it had been. I jumped, but couldn’t see anyone’s shadow. Heart now beating so fast my chest hurt, I walked over to the large light switch panel on the wall, flicking every light in the place on.

            “Very funny Brian,” I called into the room, waiting to hear him finally chuckle, but no such sound came; though I waited eagerly for it. “You know how badly I’m going to hurt you?” I huffed, finally angry. “I knew I shouldn’t have slept with you at Dan’s party,” I muttered, more to myself than to him. I was walking quickly towards the bathroom, to where I had accidentally left my purse.

            I reached one hand out to push open the door. It swung partially, but stopped halfway between. I opened my mouth to mock Brian for hiding in such an obvious space, but stopped when I looked up into the mirror. All that reflected back were the white walls of the bathroom, and my stunned face. I didn’t bother to look for my purse, but pushed gently, at first, on the door, only to see that it stopped in the same place every time.

            Suddenly the sound of gravel being crunched under large clumsy feet came from outside the back door. My limbs were shocked with surprise, and I could feel my pulse in the back of my head. I darted quickly, moving silently in my black boots to my own surprise, to the area behind the counter. I ducked down, facing the barren white wall as I heard the back door open. My hands were shaking I was so startled.

            “Joey? That you?” I heard Brian ask as he stepped in. I closed my eyes and took a breath to steady myself, so I could yell at him properly.

            Then there was a rush of noises. The bathroom door creaked again and heavy running footsteps went pounding in the direction that Brian’s voice had come from. Then a sound I had never heard before; a man’s scream.

            I heard two bodies hit the loose rocks outside. I jumped up to run to help Brian, and every light bulb in the building exploded, sending me back down into a squatting position, covering my face. I heard Brian and his attacker rolling in the gravel briefly, but soon could only hear the pounding of my own heart as I jumped up and ran towards the back door, crunching broken glass underneath my shoes.

            Outside I was greeted with the last thing I expected. There was Brian, lying with limbs oddly out stretched on the gravel as I skidded to a halt in the loose rocks. And on top of him, with his head buried in Brian’s bleeding neck, was another man, with a slender build and dark blonde shoulder length hair.

            I screamed suddenly and uncontrollably, and the second man looked up at me with piercing blue eyes. He leapt up from Brian’s limp body, sending me to the ground and pining me there with inhuman strength. And in an instant, I knew it was because this was not a human.

            I stared at him for a split second in fear and disbelief, because seeing his ageless skin, and his two long, pointed teeth, I knew what he was, and what fate I was about to meet. I was terrified, and the wonderment at the sheer existence of this creature paralyzed me with fear. But in another split second, all very fast, I became angry, because of all the six billion people on this planet, he was going to kill me. Me! I had only been on this planet for barely twenty years, and had hopes and dreams and a career gaining speed. He was going to make a meal out of me, and I was to become another victim to forget in his immortal smorgasbord.

            Fine. I thought, staring up at him defiantly. If he wants to eat me, he’s not going to get a struggle out of me. That’s probably what he wanted, and it was the last thing I was going to give him.

            He seemed to see this all in my eyes, and looked at me quite perplexed, cocking his head back and narrowing his eyes. His grip on my arms loosened, and I realized that this would be my only chance to get away. With a careless effort due to my surge of adrenaline, I shoved him off me and scrambled to my feet, running as quickly as I could towards my car. I fumbled to pull my keys out of my pocket as I ran, and didn’t bother to look back, knowing it would slow me down.

            I knew that I had left my car door unlocked, so I readied my key for the ignition, and shoved it in as soon as I flung open the door. I peeled out of the parking lot, driving straight over the curb and into the street, not bothering to even close my door as I sped off.

            I could hear a storm brewing behind me, and in the many glances in my rear view mirrors, I could see the nefarious clouds building and flashing angrily. It had seemed like a clear sky earlier in the night, but I found the setting appropriate.

            The drive home seemed to take no time at all and a thousand hours at the same time. I was definitely in a trance. My pulse was still so strong that my head throbbed, and I could feel it pounding away in the middle of my head. My eyes were blazing with paranoia and fear. I was more than halfway home by the time I realized I hadn’t put on my seatbelt. Before I realized where I was, I was turning into my own driveway. To my relief, the living room window was still glowing into the front yard from behind the drapes.

            I stepped out of my car, closing it and shuffling my feet through the reddish gravel as I walked towards the front door, my coat pulled close to protect me from the sudden dust storm. A rush came over my body again, and my stomach suddenly knotted up. My head snapped to my left, into the shadows outside my bedroom window where the porch light didn’t reach. I strained my eyes into the dark, but again, couldn’t see anything physically. There was an urge pulsing through my fingers, wanting to throw open the door and run inside. My legs were tingling; begging me to listen. But my curiosity made me peer into the darkness. I felt like someone was there, I knew there was someone there, and I didn’t have to ignore my limbs any longer. I flung open the door, seeing Joey and Nomi sitting in the living room, watching the TV as casually as could be. Hanging on the hat stand, next to Nomi’s green hand bag, was my blue army print purse. I pointed at it, aghast; my mouth and mind trying to work together to form the words.

            Nomi looked over at it, guessing what I must have meant. “Oh, some guy brought it over; said he found it in the bathroom,” Nomi explained, taking a swig from her wine cooler.

            “What,” I asked, trying to make my voice calm, “What did he look like?” I shut the door by leaning on it and plastering myself against it.

            “Blonde, tall, ‘bout my height,” Joey said, standing and running a hand over his short, dark hair, a beer bottle dangling from his other hand.

            “Black trench coat?” I asked, my voice somewhat smaller.

            “Yeah, Jake. You know him?” Nomi asked, pulling her left leg up, so she was sitting on both of them.

            “Just a bit,” I squeaked. “Did, uh, he come in?”

            “Yep, had a beer, then said he better get home,” Joey said, stretching in nothing but a pair of pajama pants. His arms were raised completely above his head. His fingers could have brushed the ceiling.

            “Did he just come in, or did you invite him?” I asked, peeling off my thigh length coat. Nomi rolled her eyes up in thought.

            “I don’t know, she answered the door,” Joey said, pointing at Nomi as she bit her tongue.

            “Uh…hi; hello; can I help you.” She muttered the conversation back to herself, shaking her head back and forth as she spoke, as if actually talking to two different people. “It doesn’t look like Ireland’s back yet; nope, come on in.” Nomi smiled at me. “I invited him.” I groaned, making my way to the hat stand.

            “What’s the matter?” Joey asked from the kitchen, eating a piece of pizza we had ordered before leaving for the club. It was cold and stiff. Like I might have been. Though I wouldn’t be covered in olives or nearly as tasty as tomorrow morning.

            “Nothing.” I sighed heavily. “Did he say anything else?” I asked, wondering how much he had gotten out of my roommates before he left.

            “Said he wanted to see you again,” Joey said, raising an eyebrow at me playfully, as if I had a new candidate for a boyfriend. For all he knew, I did. For all I knew, they had handed all three of us to him, a buffet lying in wait, now that he had been inside our house.

            “I’m sure he did,” I said under my breath. “What did you say to that?” I asked, rubbing the back of my neck and feeling defeated. I would wake up in the middle of the night, with some Victorian-era reject biting me. Great.

            “Told him we’d be at Larry’s tomorrow night,” Nomi smiled suggestively, “Maybe someone’s gonna get lucky tomorrow night,” she teased, playfully punching me in the shoulder. I flinched in pain, even though she hadn’t punched me all that hard. Luckily, neither Joey nor Nomi saw it; they were too busy with each other.

            “Well maybe someone will get lucky tonight,” Joey said, looking intently at Nomi. She squealed and jumped, her entire posture improving before she turned and ran down the hall, screaming playfully. Joey dropped what was left of his slice of pizza, and ran after her, shutting her bedroom door quickly.

            I sighed and rolled my eyes. I normally would have complained, but had too much on my mind. I walked slowly down the hall, starting to ache everywhere. I reached my bedroom and closed the door behind me, sighing again.

            Was Brian still alive? I had been too busy saving my own skin to see if he was all right. Should I call the police? Could I even tell anyone what I had seen? Would they believe me even if I did? I turned on the light, relieved to see that I was the only one occupying the room.

            I moved towards my large bed, taking off my shirt as I did. I turned and glanced into the large mirror on top of my dresser and saw the two large bruises forming on the very tops of my arms. I touched them lightly. Right now they were pink, but I knew that by the time I woke up they would be a dark purple.

            I looked down at my top dresser drawer, still very much in a trance like state of shock. I took two pain pills from one of the many bottles on my nightstand and swallowed them both with water in a bottle I kept with them. They were quickly followed by my normal regiment of pharmaceuticals. I took off my bra and jeans, changing quickly into my turquoise printed pajama pants and black tank top. I crawled into bed, pulling the thick blue comforter up to my waist and tugging the string on my ceiling fan, turning the light off, before I lay back in bed. The storm was raging outside now; the lightning ripping open the sky.

            I sighed again, listening to the storm and thinking of Brian, wondering if I’d ever see him again. He had dark, fluffy hair, and sweet eyes. A generally nice guy and a natural joker, with a knack for the guitar and a voice to kill for. So what had brought this ‘Jake’ to find Modified, and find Brian and I?

            As troubled as my thoughts were, it only took a few minutes until the medicine I had taken put me to sleep.

            I found myself lying on my back, in my room, dimly lit by the small lamp in the corner. There were a few pillows under me, propping me up at a slight angle, and crawling across my bed slowly, was the ageless man that had been at Modified.

            My instinct wasn’t to run, even if I could. He was looking at me intently, staring me down almost, with his incredibly blue eyes. He had no flaws to his face, and the only thing close was that his nose was almost large, but fit his face and his features. He had dark blond hair that fell around his face in layers, and a cupid’s bow mouth, with a full bottom lip.

            He was almost level with me, a small knowing smirk on his mouth. He glanced down quickly at my own lips, as if to tell me what he was planning to do. Telling me, not asking. He made this clear, and his lips were soon on mine, working with mine.

            I felt one of his hands run up my stomach, to cradle my breast as his thumb started to rub my n****e. His kisses were getting deeper, and faster, and I moved my hand up to hold his cheek. Soon that hand was in his soft hair and the other was on his side, almost his back. My left leg slid up into a bent position, letting him get closer to me. He started moving his hips slightly, and through the thick quilt I could feel a quick paced rhythm that meshed with our kisses.

            He took a deep breath, and suddenly stopped, pulling away and catching my eyes, smiling in a mocking sort of way. I woke up.

Author's Note

I started writing this book 9 years ago, when I was a freshman in High School. I can barely stand to read it myself, as I think it's crap. However, plenty of people have read it and like the characters, so I am pressing on. PLEASE point out errors in grammar, spelling, sentence structure and tense. If you find a spot that makes you think, "Wow, this sounds a bit juvenile, I bet she can do better" - don't be afraid to tell me.

Reviews

[Siobhan MacIntyre]

No, don't abandon it!! I started writing The Wyckham House just out of high school, though I had the original idea (which never saw fruition) in high school. Back then my writing was crap....but The Wyckham House is not. THERE IS HOPE!

I like the characters too. And I literally LOL'd at this line: I'm not a virgin, so if there were to be a psychopath in the darkened building, I wouldn't survive. Damn it.. Rules of horror: Never, ever, EVER have sex!! LMAO!

I'm a fan of traditional myths, such as you have to invite a vampire into your house. And the dream sequence...ummm, wow (pardon me while I change my underwear). I'm also a fan of subtlety, and you handled the sexual situation with amazing subtlety for a freshman in HS.

You need to correct a couple of "that" vs. "who" errors and this needs to be sanitized of extraneous commas and semi-colons and perhaps updated a bit, but I think the idea is excellent. And the title of this chapter "Modified"...am I the only one who noticed the analogy to being "turned" by a vampire? I'm so smart!! LOL (yeah, but attitude ain't everything!)

[Christel Grady]

I made the maybe error/maybe not of reading chapter two BEFORE chapter one. It was an accident, I swear! Honestly though, I don't think it really matters, as you are basically telling the same story from different viewpoints. LOVED IT!!! Now I'm curious to see if this narrative pairing continues...

[M. C. Viands]

Jinx is right...GET IT FINISHED AND PUBLISHED!!!...please =p
Can't wait to read the full thing. One chapter is like a teaser to me.

[Christina Harper: Sitti..]

Well, besides the fact that this is only chapter one, it's great so far. I generally like where you were going with this, though I have a few suggestions for you. I think, assuming this is chapter one of a novel, that you can incorporate a lot more in this. Some of the main character's thoughts and actions seemed a bit shaky, if you will. But, it could all work itself out later on. I'm not sure, and I'm eager to see where this will go.

Anyway, I also looked for some particular sentences that needed to be revised, so here they are:

"It was a small house to begin with, probably close to eighty years old."--Consider saying this instead, "It was a very small, old house, probably close to eighty years old." The original sentence just didn't combine the two thoughts in an effective way.

"Most any musician in Phoenix knew what Modified was, and knew Brian on a first name basis."--Consider saying something like, "Most undergound Phoenix musicians knew what Modified was, and regulars of the music scene knew Brian on more than a first name basis." Or something like that. I just think it needs to be reworded a little.

"Cold, impersonal, Russia. That was a lie, I have no idea what Russia is like. Maybe it�s friendly and inviting as well as thirty below."--I admit this was a nice little tidbit to break the action in the story, but it's completely unneccessary, unless there's some reason behind the heroine's dislike of Russia. I still think, regardless, it's better if you dropped that part.

"and his two long, pointed teeth"-- Consider revising. "Long, pointed teeth" sounds too elementary for a 20 year old.

"I pointed at it, aghast"--The word "aghast" seemed ridiculously out of place in this story, almost like you were trying to throw in a more intelligent sounding word. I think you were on the right page with the simple phrasing in this piece, and this line kind of threw me off. Consider changing it to "surprised," "shocked", or even "dumbfounded".

"bout"--It either needs to be "about" or "'bout", but based on the fact that your characters live in Arizona, I think about would probably be more culturally effective.

"but had too much on my mind."--There should be an "I" in there.

"still very much in a trance like state of shock."--The wording of this was strange. Consider "still very much in a trance, shock, more than likely, from what I had seen that night."

And that's it! Nice work! I really enjoyed this. You've got a solid story here.

[Jinx]

Um, yeah... I've already read this... and formatted it. You know what I think. Get it FINISHED and PUBLISHED!!!

Awesome vampire tale!!! =)