A New Letter

Dear Alan,

Two years have set themselves between you and me.

I think it was much needed, after all the things that you would rather just forget.

But we lost each other to the orbits of the Earth.

We're older now, and you call us friends, however awkward and unsettling it may be.

I'm scared of you, because you're not like anyone else.

I feel like I'm slipping back into my old state of mind.

The one where you rule over my thoughts and future. The one where I love you.

To be perfectly honest, I still love you.

But I don't feel the same.

I'm fighting with myself; with my "rules" and what my heart says.

I want to trust you, but I know you too well.

We could be perfect, you know.

Everything is so comfortable with you. I almost forget what you are sometimes.

 

I don't know what you want from me.

A friendship? That's how it started last time.

You always leave me wanting more.

You're my weakness, and the only way I can be safe is to keep at a distance.

But what if it's because you're meant to be with me.

And I with you.

All the "what ifs" are flipping through my head.

They make this process lengthy and unresolved.

 

There are two ways to end this, though, I've found that much to be as true as I can conceive.

Either I must run and be free from you forever.

In hopes that you will find your way out of my memory.

Or I can take the leap again, with a chance I'll be broken like before in the end.

And by you, for a second time, I'm not sure I could take it.

I'm not sure I can bring myself to let you know me.

The first is easier, but the second could be everything i've ever dreamed of.

What's more important,

My safety or my happiness?

 

That is what makes this so unexplainably hard.

 

Jess

Reviews

[Alicia™]

"Two years have set themselves between you and me."

This line... it's absolutely beautiful!!