This is a really straightforward, frill-less write that touches on emotions and feelings that are probably familiar to anyone who's been in a relationship before that ended badly.I have no doubt that you succeeded in expressing what you really felt; however, the style is so literal and so unadorned that it came off to me as dry. It's really just a narration, and there's nothing wrong with that, but I can't help but wish for some imagery or metaphor or any affect really, just in order to spice it up. And although repeating the namesake of the poem was intentional, I feel like the word 'doubt' was overused. I think the best part of the poem is the ending - you finished it with a perfect cadence and it was pretty moving, despite the conventional wording.
Unaffected seems to be your style, but I personally enjoyed "I Would Call Home" much more than this, because you did use more imagery and description, and it was just more of an engaging poem in general. "No doubt" lacks that verve and cleverness. I would just encourage you to be more experimental and unconventional when writing other stuff in the future so that your personality and talent can shine through more, because honestly this felt somewhat generic to me.
Obviously I'm partial towards a certain style of writing like everyone else, so these are just my personal feelings. I did feel that you managed to articulate your feelings on the subject really well, which is fundamental, but a lot harder than it sounds.
I really liked this poem. It captures the feeling of loss and doubt that coincides with the ending of a serious relationship. I like the use of Caps.
One thing that might work better is the use of the word "but" threw me off in the middle. "I spent a little time trying to let you go…but/
doubted if you were ever really mine." I feel like "but" isn't the right word to be using in this situation. It just feels off for me. Also, the ellipsis (...) doesn't work very well in poetry. Use a comma, or a long dash (--) if you want to indicate a pause.
I felt like the beginning and the end were the strongest parts of this poem!
Amazing write. I find it so uncanny when others write feelings , thoughts, emotions that run through my mind. I like the poetry that speaks and shouts from someone's heart and soul. The raw honesty is what takes hold of my interest. The flow the rhythm went with the emotional roller coaster of your heart. To Doubt is so much easier than to forget. I hope your hopes are fulfilled.
First, I feel intimidated and nervous about critiquing an English teacher. Second, I thought your poem well-written, lucid and vivid. You touch on a basic human need for friendship and the fact that we must open our hearts a little and hope that someone doesn't hurt us. Unfortunately, it happens. Then we have to move on to a new relationship that will slowly erase painful memories of the past. Although, because we're imperfect, we may doubt or second-guess our decisions, we always proceed on what we know and do the best that we can at the time. And sometimes we doubt or regret what we WANTED, rather than what we actually had. (I'll get off the soapbox). Your poem is easy to read and understandable; in my book that makes it a good writing.
my immediate reaction is that ..... you have learned a life lesson that often takes time and again to stick [at least for me]. and speaking from that space, i believe the 'gut' tells us all what we really need to know. the realization comes from trusting our innate whispers that always tell the truth. if you learn to listen and not confuse desire w/reality, you will always be one step ahead. :)
. i think you expressed yourself beautifully ... this is such a lucid piece of writing ... we all take time to learn important life lessons ... after reading your words, i think i'm going to remember to be patient ... and hopeful about the future ...
The way you are able to carry the theme and weave it through the tapestry of your poem is wonderful. It makes for a flow of congruent thought from beginning through end. Doubt is a powerful emotion and the writer does a fine job showing the reader what a complicated, lasting effect it has on our lives. I relate well to this conundrum found in a the aftermath of ended relationships leaving us feeling "not enough"...My only hope is that hope trumps doubt over time...Nicely done Jessdixon...
very nicely written. i have really enjoyed reading it. i liked the images drown in it. although it is a really sad and showing so much depression, it gives nice feeling of sad music when reading. also i liked the flow of the words and the great picking of them. in short, i have really enjoyed reading it and thank you for writing such great work, khalid
Awesome! I love your morphing usage of doubt and your linking and loaded prepositions here. Each word counts and plays on the idea of the previous line. This poem has a flow to it that reminds me almost of a riddle. Really artfully done. Left me wowed at the end. No snags, at all. Everything fits together just perfectly, and portrays the reality of this type of situation perfectly. There is very much a loss of innocence in this poem and an angst that causes the reader to cheer you on.