Breeze

The beginning of a novel about life's pleasures, how to live your life to the fullest. The novel is also about reforming/changing your life no matter what predicament your life is in.

Our front door slammed shut, this was then followed by mutters and sighs as he untied his shoes. This was my first sign that Damian had not had a good day at work. Damian recently got a new job at a top lawyer firm which happens to be a lot more money. Which also happens to be a lot more stress, meaning more bad days for Damian. Therefore more bad days for me. I slowly crept to the bathroom trying to dodge my husband. This doesn't always go to plan when you live in a one floor flat, but this five minutes would give Damian a chance to try to relax, instead of taking his stress out on me. 

“Ebbie?” Damian called in a demanding tone.

“Toilet” I called back trying to sound as sweet and innocent as possible.

I heard Damian storm through to the kitchen. I knew it wasn't food he was looking for. I eventually emerged from the bathroom and grabbed my book from the kitchen counter trying not to look too pitiful as I saw my husband pouring himself his glass of whiskey.  I sat down in the living room and Damian followed.

“How was work Damian” I said uninterestedly. 

I received no response. 

I looked up from my book and saw his sad eyes staring into his already empty glass. 

“It was absolutely fantastic Ebbie. That’s why I am drinking at 4 in the afternoon.” Sarcasm lit up the room. 

“I was trying to be nice Damian, Dr. Eddlestein said we need to talk more positively” 

Dr. Eddlestein was our marriage consoler. And not a very successful one at that.

“I don’t have the time for that anymore now i am working full time. This is my lunch break Eb and this is practically the only time I have. I leave at 6 in the morning and I won’t be done till about 10. I still need to finish some things off then. I wonder what its like being you. Being a housewife, having everything paid for and taken care of. Useless, waste of a human being.”

“Each job comes with its own stresses and disadvantages. You knew that when you applied. My job may be less hours than yours but I can assure you being a high school teacher can be just as tough. Calm down and take a breath”

Damian wasn't happy. He stood up and walked closer, glass in hand. His empty eyes now showed anger and repulse for me.

“7 years of marriage and that is how you speak to me. No respect. I am the male in this household and my lord Ebbie don't I provide for you. You think you can walk all over me like you did years ago. Well not anymore. You have no idea what I'm cable of. I love you but you need to find the respect for me that is essential in a marriage. My job pays our bills, I took this job so WE could have a better life. And you don't realise that” 

His voice raised higher and higher. The more he spoke, the angrier he became. He kept squeezing the glass tighter and tighter he held it while he spoke. As he said his final words the glass shattered in his hands and he screamed. He looked at me as if this was my fault. I had caused him to do this. This is why I tried to avoid a conversation with him. He got angry at his own thoughts. Maybe he was right, maybe he was wrong. It didn't matter. He is my husband. I love him and need him to stop taking his anger out on me. I have been attempting this method for years. Maybe some day he will understand me.

“I’m sorry Damian I’ll help you clean this up is it in your hand? Let’s continue this later.” 

I rushed out of my seat to help him, scurried over and grabbed his hand attempting to inspect for glass. Damian screamed and before I knew it his hand raised at me. I ducked in fear and the shock hit me. 

As he hit me he screamed “This is your fault get away from me!” 

He gathered the most strength in his body he could possibly find and smacked my arm. The force flew me down against the wooden coffee table and the pain sparked up in several parts of my body. This wasn't the first time this had happened and it most likely wouldn't be the last. I looked up at him with betrayed eyes. Because I had been standing side on my left arm was chucked onto the coffee table my weight sending it flying backwards along with me crushing my arm against it in the process. Tears welled up in my eyes the pain was unbearable. 

The emotional pain was overriding the physical pain. Every time he treated me this way my mind would flash back to our wedding day, at the sweet age of 17. The kind, caring man who promised he would always love me with every inch of his heart and soul,his soft skin, his bright blue eyes that told me about his personality. That told me he would always watch over me, care for me, protect me, no matter what. Now he was the one attacking me. And he couldn't protect me from himself. No one could. 

I needed out of here. I need to be safe.

Panic rushed over me and warning signs flew in my head. 

Damian smiled.

I don’t know how far he could go. I don't know how dangerous he could get. This was standing in front of me, he was a stranger. The realisation came to me and i finally felt I could breathe again. This was not the man I married. This is not the man I love, and I the is not the man I want to stay married to. I shook my head slowly as he grinned at me in amusement.

Through the pain I jumped up and attempted to sprint to the door, to safety. I felt as if he would be following me and I didn't look back to see if he was. I managed to get out of the front door when i heard a bellow of anger coming from inside the flat. I thanked God he wasn't following me. I got in my Mercedes and drove - I didn't know where I was going, all I know is I wanted far, far away from Damian. I turned off the GPS in the car as I found out a few days ago Damian was tracking my car, to see where I went. Every time Damian and I fight I always leave the flat and drive around our city of London, sometimes outside of it if I have enough time. I drove to Hospital attempting to see if they would check to see if my arm was broken, the pain now overwhelming and making it extremely difficult to drive. 

Author's Note

Ignore any spelling mistakes, grammar mistakes. This is a fairly rough piece of work and I am interested to know what the general public/professional writers/experienced readers make of this!

Reviews

[Sarah]

I can see potential here, but it seems a bit choppy. My suggestion would be to add more emotion into the piece. Although it is from a first person point of view, it read as a subjective point of view. Using first person, you could really delve into the character and convey the emotion she feels. I want to be able to feel the fear within her as her husband gears up to hit her. Just a little more revision and depth, and I feel that you could make something out of this draft!

[Lily Cavern]

Thank you! I felt the same way when I re-read it earlier on, was wondering if other people felt the same way and my beliefs have been confirmed hahaha! I tried to add more emotion in the last paragraph but 100% agree and I shall take this into consideration in my re-draft.
Thank you for taking the time to read and review my work!

[emmajoy]

Forgive me but firstly, you need larger font and regular spacing, tis far too cramped for a leisurely read.. you have to beckon folk into your creation. Why not open a book and see how it's done or go to a writing forum and find help.

Secondly, whilst your theme and characters are present -whether vile or not, they're not wholly alive, they need more meat on their bonest. Having said that, there's so much good in your writing, it just need concentrated work.

Read it aloud, two or three times; pause naturally, discover your own pauses but, think of your hoped-for reader. Will return in the hope of finding a new draft.. :)

[Cameron Spades]

Sounds pretty good- although the sentence structure could use some work, but since you said to ignore spelling and grammar I'll leave that for you to deal with. The piece could use a bit more emotion though. At the moment it kinda reads as a distant narrative, like someone outside the story is telling it and doesn't care about the characters even though it's written in first person. There's a lot of potential here to make this a really heart-wrenching scene- you just have to put more emotion into it.
Overall a good start though! :)