Green Sea

Two somber honeymooners on an alien world, an excerpt from a larger story I'm working on.

The ravages of time were evident on the old weathered stones. The dull gray winter sky was echoed in the faded granite that jutted from the rippling field of blue grass. Wind whistled and moaned as it rushed past the ruined monument. Axar and Ziva stepped down lightly from their hovercraft. The rustling grass rose to their knees, tickling where it reached past their boots. It was a quiet place, and they hadn't spoken a word since they spotted it across the gently sloping grasslands.  Ziva reached the shattered pillar first, though neither of them was in any hurry. This was their honeymoon after all, and they weren't supposed to return until their spirits had bonded. Whatever that meant. It hadn't been a marriage of choice, but a matter of political significance. They had only first met today at their wedding, and had yet to hold a conversation. The ride away from civilization had been uncomfortable, neither knowing what to say.

Axar carefully watched his bride as she reached out and traced her fingers gentle through the deep, pitted grooves. She seemed to be a gentle person. He had never heard her raise her voice, or make even a single aggressive motion in the time he had known her. The ancient platform had been long claimed by the soil and grass, but what once must have been a square obelisk lay shattered across the plain. Even on its side, the rocks stood nearly two meters tall. She stood next to the dark thing and glowed. Her hair danced in the wind and he was lost in it until she turned and caught his look. Ziva smiled a new smile then, one he hadn't seen before but liked a lot. It made him blush for the first time since he was a child. 

"Do you know what they mean?" He asked, diverting his gaze to the designs and symbols that covered every surface.

Her smile didn't disappear even as she turned back to the stone and began speaking. "They're old. This language uses a mixture of symbols with meaning and designs that alter those meanings depending on the other symbols, the placement, and other factors like that. This is left over from the ancient ancestors of my people, but they only used them in the most formal and permanent of settings, like worship settings or monuments. However..."

Ziva grabbed a hold of the top edge with both hands and vaulted her entire body up with one smooth motion, landing with both feet on top of the plinth.

"They can't be read as such. They are meant to evoke feelings or loose concepts, so they don't translate very well."

She cast him a look with that smile again and his knees almost buckled. They were married. He grinned back, clambering up after her. They stood together at the edge of ruin, upon the largest part of the once magnificent fallen tower. Seven concentric rings surrounded an eye by his left foot, a winding river flowed under her and forward, round and through all of the other patterns and symbols. They could still make out most of them, as they were carved so deeply that ten thousand years in the open had not erased them. Axar was struck by the beauty and mystery of the place almost as much as he was by Ziva, with corresponding themes. He looked at her face. She was a stranger, why did he feel so drawn to her? For the first time in a long time, Axar didn't know what to expect. He wasn't in control of his own destiny, and for once he wasn't sure he cared.

"What kind of feeling are these designs meant to evoke?", he asked.

She didn't move for a moment, her eyes sweeping back and forth once more. Ziva turned to him then, and her eyes were locked with his. 

"I am not a scholar of language or history, but from the symbols I believe it is a monument to community and creativity, a ward against forces of destruction and despair. It actually has a message though in plain pictograms. There, by the knot in the center. It translates roughly into 'Do not go alone to war against despair'."

The wind whipped her hair across her face, and the moment passed. They looked for a while more in silence, then climbed back into their craft. He found himself sitting closer to her than before on the padded bench. She showed him another new smile, and they set out again across the foothills of the green sea, together.

Author's Note

I've been developing a science fiction story about three brothers and the extraordinary circumstance they face, but I ran into some walls and decided to just bat around some concepts in the setting for a while. This is one such small glimpse into the possibilities for my larger work.

Is this excerpt too vague without context, or is it intriguing?

Reviews

[Samuel Dickens]

It's working for me. Sci-fi has always been a strong interest, but I've not been brave enough to write much of it. The scene you paint is lovely and interesting, without too many strange elements to distract from the reading. You're off to a very good start, I believe. Here, I think the word should be "lay"-"obelisk lie shattered..." And here, something seems amiss--"but I from the symbols believe..."

[Jeremiah Gerstner]

Thanks Sam! Fixed 'em and caught something else too!

[Kaliope]

A beautiful story - characters, mood and setting - all skillfully drawn. I also love the concept of a language that conveys emotions rather than concrete terms.
Yet there is something that bugs me a tiny bit: the time span this story covers feels very short - the honeymooners get out of their craft, climb around for a few minutes and return. Yes, there is definitely an inner, emotional journey involved, but on the outside they don't do much and this makes me wonder what the actual purpose of visiting those ruins was. So I wouldn't call the story on the whole vague, but the characters' actions under these circumstances seem a bit - well, for want of a better word - random? I hope I'm making sense here :-)
Nevertheless, up until the last paragraph which imho ended the narrative slightly too abruptly, I was fully invested in story and characters. The second last paragraph closed with a brilliant message and I'd love to learn more about Axar and Ziva and the world they live in!

[Jeremiah Gerstner]

I'm just glad you were intrigued. This is a really small glimpse into a much larger story, not even a whole chapter, just a scene that popped in my head while stewing on the saga. In other words, in it's final place, it will have all kinds of context. I don't want to give anything away as I'll likely be posting more as I go, but I will say Axar and Ziva did not return from their honeymoon after this. Their spirits will not bonds for a while yet. Probably, this scene is the first moment of peace that either of them have after their lives are thrust upon one another.

The world on which Ziva and Axar stand (Ziva's world) has yet to fully form in my mind, but if you want to get a little more background on Axar, I posted 9 chapters on my occasional online writing "notebook". Here's a link to chapter 1: http://porchramble.blogspot.com/2015/11/outer-space-adventure-saga-chapter-1.html

[Kaliope]

Thanks for the link, I'll certainly have a look!

[alanwgraham]

It is very readable and does leave me wanting to know more about the context, of the couples situation and of their society and the one that created the stone. It would be worth your while having a look over it - I noticed a few things. Second para', second last sentence - should it be 'he liked it a lot'? Second last para, first sentence - should it read 'but from the symbols I believe' Well done though!
Cheers, Alan

[Jeremiah Gerstner]

Whoops! Thanks for the feedback.