Lasting Legacy

Melissa has a rough life. But then she decides to write a book to leave behind a lasting legacy when she is dead.

Chapter 1

 

            I was glad school was over for the day. I thought today things would finally return to normal. And for the most part, they had. But I was still haunted by the memory of Melissa.

            As I grabbed the mail, I was reminded of her again. There in the mailbox was a thick package for me from Melissa. What in the world would she send me? And that would mean that she sent this package right before she died.

            I decided to call my friends and tell them about the package.

            “You will never believe what I got in the mail today,” I said when Mollie picked up.

            “Was it a package from Melissa?” Mollie asked.

            “How did you know?”

            “Because I got one and so did Shelby and Ashley.”

            “She must have sent this right before she died,” I said as I tore open the package and found what looked like a homemade book.

            “Are you going to read it, Rita?” Mollie asked.

            “Maybe there are some answers in here about why she did it.”

            “Is that something you really want to know?”

            “Mollie, Melissa was only in high school. She had her whole life ahead of her. Why in the world would she commit suicide?”

            “Well, she was a little weird. She never did really fit it.”

            “Yeah, but that is still no reason for her to give up on life. Hopefully there are some answers in here.”

            “I guess if you are going to read it, than I had better read it too,” Mollie said.

            “All right, I will talk to you about it later.”

            I was nervous about what I was going to read. I thought Melissa was fine. There was no reason for her to commit suicide. I mean, there were a lot of people at her funeral yesterday. And while I knew a lot of them were like me and were at the funeral because they went to high school with Melissa, I still thought some of those people were close to her.

            I opened the book and began reading.

 

Introduction

 

Dear Readers,

 

            I know you are surprised to have gotten this book in the mail. I was not very close to you and while my death probably came as a shock to you, you probably really do not care. Now, you are hoping to forget about me and move on with your life.

            I never did make much of an impact while I was alive. I am hoping through this book though, I can tell my story and make more of a lasting legacy now that I am dead.

           

Sincerely,

 

Melissa Williams

 

            I was a little scared to read anymore. What would Melissa talk about? Would she point fingers?

            Melissa and I used to be friends in middle school. But when we got to high school, things changed. I looked at Melissa differently. And maybe I was not very friendly towards her. But still, she was the one that killed herself. I was not there, pulling the trigger.

 

Chapter 2

 

First Day of School

 

            I was excited to start my freshman year of high school. I was probably most excited to see my friends, Ashley and Rita. I did not talk to them very much during the summer. But I just figured they were busy.

            I decided to wear my khaki Capri pants and my purple dolphin t-shirt. I attempted to straighten my wavy brown hair. Once I was ready, I grabbed my backpack and walked the few blocks to school.

            “Hi, guys,” I said to Mollie, Rita, Shelby, and Ashley as I got to my locker. I am not very close to Mollie and Shelby but we are still friendly. And it looked like they were all going to have lockers close to mine. “How was your summer?” I asked.

            “We really do not have time to talk right now,” Mollie said and they all walked away.

            That was weird. What could they all possibly have to do on the first day of school?

            I grabbed a notebook and folder and then went and found the English classroom. Very few students were actually in the room because they were all in the halls. I guess that meant that I had my choice of seats. I spread my stuff on the surrounding seats so that I could save spots for my friends.

            A couple minutes before class began, my friends came in. I waved to them to show that I had saved them seats but they looked away and headed towards the back of the room.

            I was very hurt. My friends were acting very odd. It was almost like they wanted nothing to do with me.

            Every class that morning, my friends ignored me. And because I was so hurt, I found it difficult to concentrate in any of my classes.

            As soon as the bell rang for lunch, I went to my locker and grabbed my algebra book just in case I had some extra time to do homework and then headed to the cafeteria.

            Because I had stopped at my locker, the lunch line was short and I was able to get my lunch quickly. I went to the table where my friends were sitting. They were sitting with Alex and Jon, two guys in our grade. There was not much room for me but I took a chair from another table and squeezed in between Ashley and Rita.

            “Hi, guys,” I said cheerfully. I wanted to forget about everything that had happened this morning and start over.

            “Melissa, I cannot believe you wore that outfit,” Mollie said. “We are in high school now. You need to dress like it.”

            I was angry that she felt the need to criticize my clothes; especially in front of the guys.

            “What is wrong with my clothes?” I asked.

            Mollie ignored me and turned to Jon and Alex.

            “Did I tell you what we did after you guys left the campground a couple weeks ago?” she asked.

            “Are you talking about the night all you girls spent the night in your parents’ camper and Jon and I came for dinner?” Alex asked.

            “Yeah, we went swimming at midnight,” Mollie continued. “Rita freaked out because she thought she saw a snake. I thought she was going to wake the entire campground.”

            Wait a minute! They all had a slumber party without me? Why was I not invited?

            “We should have camper night again before it gets cold,” Shelby said.       

            “I had so much fun that night,” Ashley said.

            “Are Alex and I going to be invited for dinner again?” Jon asked.

            “Of course,” Mollie said. She started telling another story of something that happened that night.

            I was angry that I had not been included. And now, I was the only one at the table that could not join in the conversation. I pulled out my algebra book and began doing my homework.

            “You are such a nerd,” Rita said but I just ignored her.

 

            I remembered that day. We had just as much fun talking about our camper night as well as the actual night we stayed in the camper. I did not see why Melissa had chosen to write about this event though. I did feel kind of bad, knowing it bothered her. But she had not been invited because she was never very close to Mollie. She was just close to Ashley and me. Ashley and I just happened to be close to Mollie.

 

Chapter 3

 

The Picture

 

            I went to school the next day hoping that my friends would be back to normal. I put on a pair of jeans that I thought were pretty stylish and then put on the concert t-shirt I got last year.

            “Hi, guys,” I said to Ashley, Mollie, Rita, and Shelby as I went to my locker.

            They rushed off without saying anything; giggling at some private joke.

            I went into the English classroom and took the same seat. Since I did not have anyone to talk to, I busied myself with flipping through my English textbook.

            A couple girls came in laughing. I looked up to see Lizzie and Madelyn.

            “Nice picture of you at the mall,” Madelyn said to me.

            “I can see you still do not know how to dress,” Lizzie said.

            I had no idea what that was about. I had not been to the mall in awhile because I had no one to go with.

            I had no sooner gone back to my textbook then more girls came in laughing. These girls also had some flyers in their hands.

            “I can see that you need some serious fashion advice,” they said to me as they held up the flyer. “Even what you are wearing now is not much better.”

            They flyer had a picture of me at the mall taken last year. It was titled ‘Warning! Major dork and nerd. Stay at least fifty feet away!’

            I remembered the picture from the day that Ashley, Rita, and I had gone to the mall. We had tried on ridiculous outfits and then taken each other’s pictures. I was wearing zebra pants and an ugly green top. To finish, I was wearing a pink scarf and straw hat. Ashley and Rita both had photos wearing similar clothes. We had promised we would never show those photos with anyone.

            My ‘friends’ walked in at the last second so I did not have the chance to confront them. And they ran out of the room when the dismissal bell rang and came to second period at the last second. By then, the whole school had flyers.

            Lunch time was the first opportunity I had to talk to them.

            “What were you thinking?” I asked angrily as I waved the flyer at them.

            “We do not know what you are talking about,” Mollie said sweetly. “If you came over here just to yell at us, then please leave. We are trying to enjoy our lunch.”

            “I think you know exactly who did this!” I shouted. “I cannot believe I trusted you, Ashley and Rita!”

            “If you do not trust them, then please leave,” Mollie said.

            I burst into tears and ran into the restroom.

            I could not understand why my friends were acting like this. What had I done to make them be so mean to me? I guess tomorrow, I would quit being their friend. I would eat by myself and just ignore them.

 

            I remembered that day as well. It was Mollie’s idea to use the picture to humiliate Melissa. She wanted Melissa to quit hanging around us. I really did not want to go through with the flyers but I no longer wanted to be Melissa’s friend. She just was not cool enough. I wanted to hang out with the popular people in high school. Melissa would hold me back. That is why I wanted her to quit bothering me. And I thought with the flyer, she would get the idea that the friendship was over.

 

Chapter 4

 

That Night

 

            “Do you have a minute, Mom?” I asked when she got home that evening. I rarely ever talked to my mom but I was desperate. I had no friends to talk to.

            “What do you want, Melissa?” She sounded very irritated.

            “Well, Ashley and Rita have completely changed. They are hanging around Mollie and Shelby now and they are being really mean.”

            “Melissa, if they are being mean to you, than find someone else to hang out with.” My mom walked away before I could say anything more.

            I guess that is why my mom and I have never been close. She never really has much time for me.

            My dad came home, carrying a load of papers. I could see that he was going to spend the rest of the night working, just like he always does. I really needed to talk to someone though.

            “Can I talk to you, Dad?” I asked as I followed him to his office.

            “Make it quick, Melissa. I have a lot of work to do.”

            “Well, it is about my friends, Ashley and Rita. They are being really mean to me.”

            “Melissa, if this is a bunch of teenage girl drama, then the only thing I have to tell you is to walk away.”

            “But-“

            “Melissa, please. I am busy.”

            I was not sure where the idea came from. The very thought of it was kind of repulsive. But at the same time, it felt like the answer to my problems.

            I went into the restroom and took out my razor. I was nervous as I held the razor against my wrist but then I took a deep breath and cut. Surprisingly, the pain made me feel better. So I cut a few more times.

            Once I finished, I bandaged up my arms. If anyone did see them, I would say that I got scratched by the neighbor’s cat.

 

            I never knew Melissa cut. Knowing did not make me feel better though. Somehow, even though I know that cutting is wrong and Melissa never should have done it, I felt responsible. I was the one that had given the picture to Mollie.

            I also felt bad knowing about Melissa’s family problems. She had enough pain in her life without the cutting. She had enough pain without me contributing to it.

 

Chapter 5

 

Gym

 

            Over the next couple days, I wore a sweatshirt to cover up my cuts. I no longer cared that I was not fashionably dressed. People looked at me funny because it was still warm but I did not care. It was not like any of those people wanted to be my friend after the horrible rumors Mollie was spreading.

            Besides the terrible flyer, Mollie was also telling everyone that my mother was a prostitute and that I would sleep with any guy. She was also saying that I had a STD.

            School was a miserable place but it was not like home was any better. I was just all around unhappy. And I knew that gym today would not make me feel any better.

            I am far from athletic. I really do not like physical activity and I definitely do not like the competitive nature of some students that end up getting mad at me if we lose.

            I was wearing my sweatshirt and a pair of shorts and standing on the line while Mr. Kinsman explained the rules of basketball (he did not seem to care that it was early fall).

            As soon as he was done, he chose four people to be captains (there were two courts in the gym).

            All around me, people were being chosen. As soon as they were picked, they were greeted with high fives from the rest of the team.

            I was beginning to feel very awkward. It was clear I was not wanted. Even the not so athletic kids were being picked. But nobody wanted someone that was not athletic or popular.

            Finally, it was between me and Shianne, a girl with hearing problems.

            “Shianne,” April said, pointing at her.

            Without waiting for my name to be called, I walked with my cheeks flaming to my team. Nobody greeted me with high fives.

            We began the game and I ran up and down the court, blocking members of the other team. But nobody passed me the ball.

            And that was the way it was the whole game. I never touched the ball. I just made myself tired running back and forth across the gym.

            I was close to tears after class. It was bad enough not being wanted. It was even worse when nobody would give you a chance.

 

            I did not remember that specific gym class. Melissa had never liked gym though because she was not athletic and she hated those that were making it too much about winning. I could only imagine how humiliated Melissa must have been to be picked last. When we were still friends, I always picked her for my team. But after we were no longer friends, she was always picked last.

            And as for the rumors Mollie spread, I had nothing to do with it. Mollie just wanted to see how far she could get away with torturing Melissa before she cried. Of course, I never did try to stop her because I no longer wanted her for a friend.

 

Chapter 6

 

Homework

 

            My life became all about homework. It was not like I had anything else to do. And I certainly had a lot of homework. It seemed like every other day, I had a new story to read for English as well as several questions to answer. In algebra, I had thirty problems to answer every day. Then, there were frequent science quizzes to study for and Spanish vocabulary to memorize.

            I would get started on homework right when I got home from school because it was not like I had anything else to do. I would get finished right before dinner. Then, I would study before bed and then in the morning before school.

            I did not know how people could do sports and hang out with friends and have time for homework. Maybe that is why their grades were not like mine. I had straight A’s because of my hard work. It was all very stressful though. I always looked forward to study hall after lunch because it meant that I could get some work done and cross things off my long list.

            It was time for study hall. I walked into the room with a large pile of books in my arm. I would not have time to get it all done but I wanted to take advantage of the time I did have.

            I was close to tears at this point. I was just so stressed. I was struggling with the new concept we had learned in algebra and in English, we had a big presentation coming up. I was not sure how I would get it all done.

            I watched my textbooks as they started sliding down the slope of the desk. I quickly stopped them and put the pile on the floor before getting started.

            I did not get much done during study hall that day. My backpack was stuffed with textbooks that night. It was no wonder one of the straps was starting to tear.

           

            Melissa always did work too hard. She got straight A’s but she was always doing homework. She never had time for fun. And maybe that is part of the reason why I did not want to be friends with her. I wanted a friend that did not bring homework to lunch. I wanted a friend to talk to during study hall and to hang out with after school.

            Maybe part of Melissa’s problem was stress. Maybe that was why she committed suicide. That was my thinking before I read the next chapter though.

 

Chapter 7

 

Bullying

 

            There may be laws and school policies against bullying but they do not always work. Especially when everyone is against you.

            I had taken to eating lunch at a table by myself every day. I got used to it. I would eat and then work on homework. But apparently, taking my friends was not enough for Mollie. She also felt the need to torment me even more.

            Mollie and her friends came up behind me during lunch and hit my pen as I was writing so that there was a long line across my English essay.

            “What was that for, Mollie?” I asked angrily.

            “It was an accident,” she said in her sickly sweet voice. “I accidently bumped into you while you were writing. That is what happened, right, girls?”

            They all nodded their heads in agreement.

            They walked away but started their terror again in study hall by bumping into my pen as I was rewriting my English essay.

            “It is true you are pregnant by the guy from Washington High?” Mollie asked loudly so that everyone could hear.

            My cheeks flushed red as everyone began whispering excitedly at the announcement.

            “I am surprised you found someone willing to sleep with you,” Mitch said to me. “You are not exactly a model because of the horrible clothes you wear.”

            “I am not pregnant!” I said in a hushed voice as the teacher walked in.

            “I would consider dating you if you wore better clothes and did a better job with your hair.”

            “You would not date me!” I said angrily. “You are only hoping to get lucky. And if you have a problem with the way I look, then you can pay for my makeover. But even then, you will still not get lucky because Mollie is a liar.”

            I was close to tears as I put my English essay in my book and then turned to my algebra homework. I was too angry to concentrate though.

            What did Mollie want from me? She took my friends and as a result, I was now a loner. Why did she need to make it even worse?

            That night, as soon as I finished my homework, I climbed into bed even though it was still early and cried myself to sleep. My arms still throbbed from earlier this evening when I had cut them. I did not care if I ever woke up again.

 

            Mollie was still determined to make Melissa cry at school. Reading this chapter made me hurt though as I realized what a monster Mollie was. And I had just stood by and let her torture Melissa all because I wanted a popular friend. I was friends with Melissa at one time. Why had I ever let her be hurt like that?

 

Chapter 8

 

Camper Night

 

            Tonight was camper night. I had heard the girls talk about it all week. They were constantly making plans right in front of me. It really hurt me knowing that I was not invited. It sounded like they were going to have a lot of fun.

            Since it was a Friday night and I did not have to do homework and I had no friends to hang out with, I logged on to my Facebook account. I rarely got on anymore because most of the people that I had once called friends or thought were friendly at school had unfriended me.

            I had several messages as well as notifications of posts on my wall.

 

            You should consider dropping out of school. You may get good grades but you will still never amount to anything.

 

Mollie

 

            I regret every becoming friends with you. I have taken your friendship bracelet and burned it.

 

Rita

 

            I instantly deleted these notifications on my wall so that the few friends I did have would not see them. Unfortunately, there were still a couple messages too.

 

            Nobody would miss if you were to suddenly die tonight. In fact, many people might throw a party. I know I would have a party that would last several nights.

 

Mollie

 

            I am writing to apologize to you. I am sorry that I ever became friends with you. So many years have been wasted. I will never be able to get back that time.

 

Ashley

 

            You are very ugly. You are so ugly that no fashion consultant would ever bother giving you a makeover. They would not want to have to look at you. And when they finally got done after hours of work, you would still be ugly.

 

Shelby

 

            I deleted the messages and then logged out of Facebook. I honestly had thought Mollie, Shelby, Rita, and Ashley had unfriended me like everyone else. Apparently they were using camper night as an opportunity to torture me again.

            Well, I was not going to give them any satisfaction. I crawled into bed even though it was early on a Friday night and cried myself to sleep.

 

            I had not sent the messages to Melissa but I had allowed Mollie to use my Facebook account to talk to Melissa. I had a feeling that the things she was saying were really horrible but I did not want to get on Mollie’s bad side. What if she decided to torture me the same way?

 

Chapter 9

 

Depression

 

            Something felt wrong. Every day, after I finished my homework, I would sit on the couch and stare into space until it was time for bed. I felt like I was being really lazy but I did not feel like reading a book before bed anymore.

            I did not even feel right at school. I just felt like I was going through the motions. If someone said something funny, I would pretend to laugh or smile, but my heart was not in it. I actually wanted to be left alone all the time. It got to the point where I actually enjoyed lunch because it meant that I could be alone instead of surrounded by students. I could do my homework but it would take me longer than usual because I found it difficult to concentrate.

            I just felt really sad. It was very overwhelming though. I felt like I would never be happy again.

            One day, it hit me. I knew what was wrong with me. I had depression. The idea kind of terrified me. All I knew about depression was sadness and suicide.

            I was not sure what I should do. Could I live with depression or did I need help? I could not tell my parents and I had no friends. Was there anyone that I could talk to?

            I looked out the window and saw the neighbor come home. She was a doctor. Maybe I could talk to her.

            I put on my coat and shoes and went over to the neighbor’s house. I waited patiently for her to come to the door. Dr. Riddle was still wearing her scrubs when the door opened.

            “Melissa, what a surprise! Come on in. What can I do for you?” She looked excited to see me.

            “I think I am depressed,” I said.

            The smile on Dr. Riddle’s face faded. “That is quite serious. What makes you think you are depressed?”

            I told Dr. Riddle about how all I wanted to do was sit on the couch and stare into space. I also told her about the overwhelming sadness.

            “Have you had changes in eating habits?” she asked.

            “I guess I have been eating more. I guess I eat because it makes me feel better.”

            “Have you been sleeping more or less?”

            “More. Sleeping means I do not have to deal with reality.”

            “What about thoughts of death?”

            I did not want to answer. But the truth was, I was thinking that death would be easier than life.

            “Answer me, Melissa,” Dr. Riddle said firmly.

            “Yes.”

            “It does sound like you have depression, Melissa.”

            “So what am I supposed to do?”

            “You need to tell your parents before anything else can be done.”

            “They do not need to know. They would not understand.”

            “You are a minor though. I cannot treat you without their permission.”

            “But I am a teenager. I am capable of making my own decisions.”

            “I am afraid when it comes to health care, it does not work that way.”

            “You are not going to tell my parents, are you?”

            “You have just told me you have thoughts of death. We cannot leave your depression untreated. It will only get worse.”

            “Can you give me a few days to tell my parents?”

            “Why not come with me to church tomorrow? The pastor is going to talk about God and the mental illness. That might make you look differently at your depression. Then, we can tell your parents afterwards.”

            I was not really a church person but if it stopped Dr. Riddle from telling my parents, I was up for it.

 

            I never knew that Melissa was depressed. I guess depression did explain her behavior before she died. And depression was probably the reason she committed suicide. It probably had nothing to do with the way Mollie was treating her.

            It was sad that Melissa was unable to get the help she needed. Depression is treatable.

 

Chapter 10

 

Church

 

            When my alarm went off the next morning, I really did not want to get up. It was not because I wanted to get more sleep. It was because getting up meant facing the world and pretending that everything was ok.

            I was kind of curious about how God played into mental illness. Depression and God seemed like complete opposites. I thought Christians were supposed to be very happy because they had Jesus in their life. A Christian should not be depressed.

            I was actually surprised by what I experienced at church. I was expecting hard wooden benches but instead saw cushioned chairs. I was expecting, slow, boring organ music but instead there was a band that played pretty upbeat songs.

            After the music, I was expecting the pastor to come forward to tell us about some boring message. Instead, it was really interesting.

            “Lately, we hear a lot about mentally ill people committing horrific shooting crimes,” he began. “There has been talk of more help being given to those with mental illnesses. There is so much stigma and stereotypes against the mental illness that I thought we should look more at how God plays into it all.”

            So that is why Dr. Riddle wanted me to come. She wanted me to learn about God and the mental illness connected. I was actually kind of excited to hear this. I pulled out the notes paper in the bulletin and took the pen that Dr. Riddle offered me.

            “Did you know that about 500 million people are affected by a mental illness?” the pastor asked. “That is about eight percent of the world population. Some people believe that with a positive attitude, these people would feel better. They say that they chose their emotions and now must live with the consequences.

            “How can God play into the mental illness? Some say that mental illnesses didn’t exist in Biblical times. They say this is a modern invention to legitimatize sinful behavior. Others say that mental illness is a consequence of sin.

            “Man was made in God’s image. That includes people suffering from a mental illness. Cardinal Javier Lozano Barragan once said that people suffering from a mental illness kind of resemble Jesus on the cross. They have experienced scorn, rejection, loneliness, and deprivation.

            “Though mental illness has not been mentioned specifically in the Bible, there are verses that may mean many of our Biblical heroes did suffer from depression. Moses, Jonah, David, Job, and Jeremiah all could have possibly been depressed.

            “I am not trying to make you believe that mental illness is real. You are free to believe what you want. People suffering though still need to learn about God so that they can be saved. They also need to be treated with respect. They are human and made in God’s image.

            “Lord,” he prayed (I quickly bowed my head like everyone else) “I pray for all those suffering from mental illness. I pray that you will heal them and give them the help they need. Amen.

            “God wants all of you to join His family. Jesus is the only way to Heaven. All you have to do is accept the forgiveness given for all sins through His death. If you are ready, God will take you, no matter what your mental status may be. I invited anyone ready to make a decision to come forward at this time.”

            The band came forward and there was another song. After this song, a girl about my age came forward and said she was ready to be baptized. As the girl was dunked under water in the tub located up front, Dr. Riddle turned to me.

            “That girl has decided to give her life to God. She accepted the forgiveness God has given her through the death of His Son, Jesus Christ. Now, the girl’s sins are symbolically washed away and she will have eternal life in Heaven.”

            After the girl’s baptism, there was one more song and then church was over.

            “So what did you think?” Dr. Riddle asked.

            “I think I have a lot to think about,” I admitted. “Can we wait a few more days before we tell my parents?”

            “I will give you only a few more days, Melissa. But by the end of the week, we need to be doing something.”

            “Thanks, Dr. Riddle.”

 

            I was surprised by the sermon. I had never thought of God playing into mental illness. I always thought with a positive attitude, everyone would be fine. I was eager to read the next chapter and get Melissa’s thoughts.

 

Chapter 11

 

Thinking about Jesus

 

            I could not stop thinking about what I had heard at church. According to the pastor, there were some important people in the Bible who probably had depression. I was not familiar with the Bible but I figured if God could work through them despite depression, then God could surely work through me. I just was not sure what He was doing. Right now, I barely had the will to live let alone do anything else. Plus, there were not a lot of good things in my life right now.

            I guess I should not really complain though. God has given me a roof over my head and I have never gone without food. I was getting a good education at school. I was very blessed. I did not really deserve any of this. I also did not deserve God’s forgiveness either. It was very disrespectful of me not to be thankful of these blessings.

            It was a shame that I had waited this long to realize that I needed Jesus in my life. If I had waited too long, I would not be spending eternity in Heaven.

            “Dear God,” I prayed, “I am sorry that I am a sinner. I am now ready to accept the forgiveness You gave for all sins through the death of Your Son, Jesus. I am sorry that I did not see a need for You until now. I realize that You have plans for me, despite depression. I do not know what those plans are, but I ask that You help me live according to those plans. I am ready to live my life for You. Amen.”

            As soon as I finished praying, I went over to Dr. Riddle’s house.

            “What is up, Melissa?” she asked after she let me into her house.

            “I gave my life to Jesus,” I said.

            “Congratulations, Melissa!” She gave me a hug. “That was quick.”

            “I realized that God has given me more than I deserve. He also gave me Jesus. I already waited too long to accept that forgiveness. I am now ready to start living my life for Him.”

            “That is really great, Melissa. You just made the most important decision of your life.”

            “I am not finished yet. I am ready to have my sins washed away through baptism. I am ready to do it now.”

            “You want to do it right now? You do not want to wait until next Sunday at church?”

            “I do not want to wait. I am ready to officially start my new life over right now.”

            “Let’s go to the church and see if Pastor Tucker is there.”

            The pastor was very understanding. He could see why I did not want to wait. He filled the tub at the front of the church with water. Then, we both changed into shorts and t-shirts and then walked into the tub.

            “Melissa, I just have one question or you,” the pastor said. “Do you accept the forgiveness given for all sins through the death of Jesus Christ, your Savior and Lord?”

            “I do,” I answered.

            Pastor Tucker put his hands behind me and dunked me under the water.

            Dr. Riddle applauded as I came out. I had not felt this happy in a long time. I only hoped it would last. I hoped that I could start God’s plans tomorrow, whatever they might be.

 

            I wondered if Melissa was in Heaven right now. Suicide seemed like a really bad sin. Of course, I had never heard of having to accept God’s forgiveness. I had never heard of Jesus being the only way to Heaven. If that was true, than that would mean that even though Melissa committed suicide, she was still in Heaven because all sins were forgiven and she had accepted this forgiveness.

            I certainly had a lot to think about. I had no idea where I would be spending eternity.

 

Chapter 12

 

Bad Day

 

            I hoped that I would wake up as a new person. I was now a Christian and I was ready to live my life for Jesus. I did not want depression to interfere.

            When my alarm clock went off Monday morning though, I knew nothing had changed. I was not ready to get out of bed and face the world.

            “Come on, Melissa!” my mom called angrily.

            I reluctantly rolled out of bed and went to school. I knew it was going to be a horrible day. I may be a Christian, but all that guaranteed me was a better afterlife. And in the meantime, I was going to have a horrible life on Earth.

            The only thing I most looked forward to today at school was getting my biology test back. It had been a difficult test and I had struggled to stay focused when I was studying. While I was not expecting at A, I still figured I could scrape by with a B; despite all the guessing I had done.

            Mr. Morrow handed me my test facedown. I flipped it over and saw a big red C- at the top. Tears flooded my eyes as I thought about how hard I had worked to try to stay focused and it had all been for nothing.

            “Looks like working hard does not always ensure the best grade,” Mollie said as she caught a glimpse of my test. “I guess you should be more like the rest of us and not take school quite so seriously.”

            I could see the red B on the top of her test.

            “Sit down, people,” Mr. Morrow called. “I am going to explain our next big project and if you are not paying attention, it will be difficult for you to get a good grade.”

            I needed a good grade to make up for the test.

            Mr. Morrow explained how we were to make a 3-D model of DNA and then write a short paper. We could do this project with a partner but of course, nobody wanted to work with me.

            It looked like I would be working late tonight on homework. On top of the DNA project, I also had thirty algebra problems, an English essay, and some history questions to answer.

            “You are a loser,” Mollie said on the way out of class. “You will never amount to anything.”

            Suddenly, I had had it. Mollie was right. I would never amount to anything. My life would always consist of depression. I would never be able to hold down a job. That was already obvious based on the biology test. But before I could do anything, I needed to have a plan of action.

 

            So just like that, Melissa was giving up on life. Did she not realize that her depression could be treated? Did she not realize that she was making her life too stressful by focusing too much on homework? Did she not realize that the bullying she was getting was only temporary and would go away when she left school? Did she not realize that life could get better in time? She just needed to trust God.

            Melissa may have been going through a really rough time in her life, but that was no reason to commit suicide. I think she gave up way too soon.

 

 

 

Chapter 13

 

Final Letter

 

Dear Readers,

 

            I am writing to tell you that I am done with life. This book is by no means supposed to make you feel guilty. I am just writing to tell you about the events that led up to my death. I had wanted to make an impact on Earth but that is no longer going to happen. Hopefully, through this book, I can make a difference when dead.

            What you do with this information is up to you. My hope is that you will see a need for Jesus before it is too late. I am hoping that you will be able to help others find Jesus too.

 

Sincerely,

 

Melissa Williams

 

            Melissa never gave herself much of a chance. If she had given her life more of a chance, I am sure it would have gotten better. She would have realized that God was working in her life. Instead, she gave up way too quick.

            I did feel guilty about Melissa’s death. Even though I was not the one that had physically killed her, I knew I was responsible for the events that had led to Melissa taking her own life.

            Even though Melissa was not pointing fingers, I knew I would feel responsible for her death for the rest of my life.

            “Dear God,” I prayed for the first time ever, “I am sorry for what I did to Melissa before she died. I knew what I was doing was wrong. I will forever feel guilty about her death. While I know that she will never be able to come back, I still ask for Your forgiveness for all the sins I have ever committed. I know I do not deserve Your forgiveness though.

            “Lord, I pray for Your help in starting my life over with Jesus. Melissa may not have made much of an impact while she was alive, but I want to make sure that she can make a lasting legacy now. Amen.”

            With that done, I decided to call Mollie to see what she thought of Melissa’s book.

            “Have you finished reading the book?” I asked when she answered.

            “Yeah, but it was a drag. That book will never make the bestseller list.”

            “So you were in no way impacted by the book? You do not feel guilty or want to make changes in your life?”

            Mollie laughed. “Are you kidding, Rita? Melissa is the one that had problems. In the end, she was the one that took her own life. I had nothing to do with it.”

            “But what about Melissa’s desire? Are you going to bring Jesus into your life?”

            “You honestly believe Melissa is in Heaven? She may have been a nice person but she still committed suicide. I think that is enough to get you thrown out of Heaven.”

            “I do not think it works that way.”

            Mollie laughed uncontrollably so I just hung up on her. I had things to do. I was going to try to get Melissa’s book published so that the world would see the problems with bullying and depression. And hopefully, they would find Jesus too!

           

 

 

           

 

Reviews

[SquinklaPsyOps]

Very interesting novel, I like the creative writing style you used to gain the reader's attention.