No one waits for you here

 

Keep in mind, the world never stops
You lose everything you hold dear
Time seems to gain speed
No one waits for you here

Your heart is broken
You are helpless and in fear
Your faith is tested
No one waits for you here

You starve for some truth
You are torn and in tears
Your attempts mean nothing
No one waits for you here

Your defenses are pointless
Your “I’m sorrys” may be sincere
You never can win
No one waits for you here

Your wet eyes don’t fix a thing
Your scars and bruises just appear
Your cries are out-numbered
No one waits for you here

Keep in mind, the world never stops
Your end may be near
Time now stands still
No one waits for you here

Reviews

[Brandy]

My jaw droped when I read this poem! It's very powerful and extremely noticeable that you wrote it from your feelings and soul. I appreaciate that in a writer! I must notify you that I will grade you down for your layout (not website layout, the layout of the poem) It is very original I believe, but you also need well thought outness in your poems, even if it comes entirely from the heart. Just rmeember, your not splurring out a suicide note, your writing a poem that you are soon to publish, and think about the ringing of the poem and if it has a good beat, that is one of the only things I think it lacks.

[Red Brick Keshner]

Makes you glad that someone waits for us There. Each stanza was in-your-face. How can the reader escape your point.

[kurrupted]

Believe me i have read alot of poems on this site and i must say "this piece really stood out". As relative as it is, with that master-piece quality, deep and thought provoking....infusing the reader into its lines, making it very personal.
live how the stanza's really do connect. thumbs up?...nah! double thumbs up

[Delilah]

luuuuuuuuuuuuuv it!! i can feel the meaning.. wow.. ;))

[Nancy Lee Shrader]

A well written piece. Keep it up.

[..R.I.P..]

This is a jaw dropping piece! I loved it. Great imagery and emotion. Great write, I give it two thumbs up.

Thanks for sharing.
~JaniK

[7h3fr34k]

Faith is kept strong by tests. Remember, there is always a path out of darkness, but light is needed to find it. And in this particular metaphor, God is light. You're right, you may never win, but He always will. Stop trying to change the world, and start letting Him change you. You lose, but you can always find new things to replace the old. You hurt, but you can always heal. Pain blinds. Let God's love restore your sight.

As for the structure, it's a simple layout that keeps it sounding smooth without being too technical or difficult to write. It lets you say what you want with little restriction, but preserving a decent flow. Also, if Brandy's reading is as good as her writing, I'd say THAT would be why she thinks the poem lacks beat =p. The repitition works out to be pretty haunting, which I definitely think works very well with the theme. I like the switch from italics to bold on the last stanza, that drives the end home pretty well, and really defines the feeling you're trying to portray. It definitely sounds good. Keep it up, you're doing great =)

-7h3fr34k

[Stephanie]

This is intense! I got sadder and sadder with every stanza. It's so powerful and makes the reader feel helpless...... But it's super awesome! The Reviewer sent this to me, so thank him! I loved this :)

[Crazy Cat Man]

I love this poem becuz its the truth. life goes on...no matter what we go through. through the happiness and tears. life goes on. Ive been to many funerals and cried many times for loved ones who are gone. But life goes on. :) i love this piece.

[LittleEye:)]

what are u talking about this is an amazing poem, deppresing yes, but amazin i love the way its writen i have writen this way before but that might be why u dont like it :P love ya babe ttyl