time is running out,

tick tock your time is up ... let me know what you think of my poem

Time Is Running out,

Tick tock, Tick tock,

Will you ever stop,

Tick tock, Tick tock,

Time is running out,

Tick tock, Tick tock,

Don’t do drugs,

Tick tock, Tick tock,

Don’t drink you’re life away,

Tick tock, Tick tock,

you’re getting sleepy,

Tick tock, Tick tock,

The sun is going down,

Tick tock, Tick tock,

you’re going to die,

better run away,

Find a place to hide,

The end is coming,

Find a place to hide,

The end is coming,

Were all going to die,

Tick tock, Tick tock,

Good luck.

　

The end ,

BY: Jennifer little

Author's Note

well really just poped into my head ..
let me know what you think.............

Reviews

[Cassie Fraga]

very nice for it just off the top of the head... I actually like the free flow type the best... random thoughts are always so interesting to me!!

[Brantwijn]

I like the rhythm of this, it sounds like it's meant to be a song. A very good job, I especially like the repetition of "Tick Tock", which is abandoned halfway through; it gives the rest of the poem a moer sped-up, urgent feel. Bravo!

[Miss Marie Riorden.]

The first time you use "you're" it's supposed to be "your."
And near the end "were all going to die." were should be we're. :L

The whole tick tock, tick tock; it reminds of of an hourglass instead of a clock, not sure why. This also reminds us that one day we'll die. It may not be today, or tomorrow, or for years; but we still do. You should live your life to the fullest and not let anything get in the way of being yourself. That's how I see it anyways.
Interesting write.

-Marie Riorden-

[Sunflower]

good write

[fireblossom]

Another really good poem. Your poems are 'primitive' (natural). That's the way to write. I really like how you write what is in your mind. Don't stop that. You are writing the way we should.

[Seanne Tholltree]

clear message..

[misscb]

Loved the message that comes with this... A very powerful and interesting piece... Well done!!!

[I Am Svetlana]

This was an interesting read, but with a good message. We all have a timer on our lives, so we better just live it to the fullest that we can. We shouldn't take our lives for granted or whine about how "unfair" our lives are...just live in the moment, forget the past and we'll be okay.

[Sylvana]

I like the repetition you used of the words. It gave the poem more power.

[Hannah Paige]

this is an interesting concept but i think it could help the poem if you don't outright say what it's about. show, don't tell. let the readers infer your point, and come to conclusions on their own.