Rudolf is sick

just another kids poem that is funny i have a new version of this poem let me know what one is better . first version or second

first version 

   Mommy , 

Mommy call the doctor , 

Call the doctor right away , 

Rudolph is sick , 

Something's very wrong, 

Mommy please call the doctor, 

For Rudolf might die ,

His nose wont glow , 

His face is pale, 

   Doctor came a knocking , 

What seems to be the problem here?

Oh doctor oh doctor, 

Rudolf is surely sick, 

Doctor checked him out , 

He said, 

I'm  sorry to say , 

But Rudolf is surely allergic to your tin roof , 

Oh no , 

Oh my , 

This means Santa cant visit me anymore

second version 

 mommy, 

mommy call the doctor call the police right away, 

rudolf is oh so sick, 

oh so so very sick, 

something is very wrong, 

mommy please call the doctor, 

for rudolf could possibly die, 

his nose wont glow, 

his face is so pale, 

oh mommy please call the doctor, 

knock, knock,knock, 

the doctors at the door, 

what seems to be the problem here? 

oh doctor, 

oh doctor, 

please fix rudolf hes very very sick, 

something is surely wrong with him, 

fix him before he dies, 

for i don't want him to die, 

doctor checked him out, 

he said, 

i'm sorry to say, 

but rudolf is surely allergic to your house, 

he's allergic to your tin roof, 

oh no, 

oh my, 

santa cant come make visits anymore to my house, 

oh no, 

oh my, 

how will i get my presents 

Author's Note

hope you like this poem
please no rude comments

Reviews

[LadyNaida]

Its a very cute poem. Thanks for sharing it with me.

[Perdition]

Well at least he didn't get shingles..lol. Cute.

[Sarah Nicole Nadler]

It’s cute, if not perfectly written.

[Tony Jordan]

shoot it - shoot the reindeer - no wait - shoot me !!
_lol

[Inda]

this made me chuckle, a nice portrait of innocence.

[A Soap Mess Stories]

Nice...a child's fear that Santa won't visit his home for Christmas...

[The dark story]

Haha an innocent and cute poem. Made me smile. I feel the sentence structure and spelling is made that way to make it seem like the voice of a kid. I even pronounced it in that way and that tone.(i do a lot of voice modulation lol)
Keep writing friend :)

[Emily]

Cute poem!!
Keep on writing!

[Avinash]

This is a quite amusing one. Can make anyone smile with its innocence.

[jrc]

Rudolph must take some anti-allergy medicines... LOL