Feeling so numb!

just a dark poem by me again

    first version    

   I feel so numb,

SO hopelessly lost,

My soul cannot bare this no more,

All the pain,

All the regret,

The mocking,

The cursing,

When 's it all going to stop?

The hatred,

 I feel so numb,

SO cold,

I don't know what to do anymore,

I cannot sleep,

I cannot eat,

All the days are gone,

 

  I feel so numb,

So hopelessly lost,

As if I have no soul no more,

My tears begin to fall,

I am not me no more,

My skin is so pale,

I feel so cold,

My heart beats no more,

I feel the urge of feasting upon blood,

Who am I?

What am I?

What have I become?

All hope is lost,

I am a night walker,

A vampire of the night. 

  second version 

   feeling so numb 

   i feel so numb, 

hopelessly lost, 

my soul cannot bare this anymore, 

all the pain, 

all the regret, 

the mocking, 

the cursing, 

when's it all going to stop? 

the hatred, 

feeling so numb, 

body so cold, 

i don't know what to do anymore, 

i cannot sleep, 

i cannot eat, 

all the days are gone, 

   i feel so numb, 

so hopelessly lost, 

as if i have no soul anymore, 

my tears have to fall, 

i am not me anymore, 

my skin so pale, 

feelings so cold, 

my heart beats no more, 

i have no soul, 

just a tormented lost soul that is no more, 

feeling the urge to feast upon blood, 

who am i? 

what am i? 

what have i become? 

please stop, 

say no more, 

what have i become? 

 all hope is lost, 

i am a night walker, 

a creature of the dark, 

a vampire of the night

Author's Note

let me know what you think
let me know if you think the first version or the second version is better

Reviews

[Gregory Stires]

I love how the start of your poem grabbed me and kept me reading while you showed raw emotional power and how the vampire thing was unexpected I still loved and I love how you sew the despair and sadness of the power with the self loathing the vampire has for itself.

[Confuser]

You got me, the lovely poem it is; the vampire crept on up me. I attention frozen to it, so full of emotion and sadness, and then you hit me with it! Thank you. Loved it.

[anne]

first of this kind I have read and really loved reading it...:))

[DoormanDan]

You have your own style here(which is an extremely good thing to have). I absolutely loved reading this poem. If I could, I would give you ten thousand rounds of applause. Keep on sharing your beautiful, dark writing with the world!

[Azure]

nice theme love your wording, I absolutely love the way you wrote about the transformation

[Pryde Foltz]

I feel so cold,
My heart beats no more,
I feel the erdge of feasting upon blood,
Who am I?
What am I?
What have I become?
All hope is lost,
I am a night walker,
A vampire of the night.

A little typo with urge but another great vampire write. You are master of theme and your structure is always spot on.

[GoGo Tamago]

Wow you have a natural outlook on vampires nice work!

[Coyote Poetry]

Nice flow of thoughts leading to the strong ending. Easy to become a vampire. Lose the drive and the will to live in the light. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Emily]

I like how you start it off!
Well done!