Fallen into the darkness!

another dark poem I wrote

  first version 

       I have fallen into the darkness,

My eye's are open wide,

I lurk the night,

Seeking souls to steal,

I want to feast upon their blood,

The human souls must be mine,

I'm a goddess,

The most beautiful of them all,

The Queen,

I'm a vampire of the night,

And I will take your soul,

I will feast upon your blood,

I've come so far and wide,

That I'm so hungry I can not bare to wait no more,

I must feast upon your blood,

Maybe I'll spare your soul,

Or will I?

I want to make you mine,

Please come with me,

Sway the night sky with me,

I'm seeking a king,

A king loyal and kind,

Will you follow?

Feast upon the night,

OH how much I love you,

You must be mine,

Let's feast upon them all.

   second version 

 fallen into the darkness

 

 fallen into the darkness, 

my eyes have opened wide, 

i lurk the night, 

seeking souls to steal, 

kill, 

and destroy, 

feasting upon the human soul, 

i am a goddess, 

the most beautiful of them all, 

the queen, 

i'm a vampire of the night, 

and i will steal your soul, 

i will feast upon your blood, 

i've come so far and wide, 

that i'm so hungry i can not have to wait anymore, 

i need to feast upon your blood, 

maybe i'll spare your soul, 

or will i? 

i want to make you mine, 

please come along with me, 

sway in the night sky with me, 

i'm seeking a king, 

a loyal master will you follow? 

or will you die? 

feast upon the night with me, 

you must be mine, 

let's feast upon them all

Author's Note

let me know if you like the first version or the second version better

Reviews

[Starcaller]

I like this one, I love her arrogance despite the fact she is still looking for someone to share her world with. Keep up the good work.

[Kamari's]

Jen this is dark but interesting I honestly love it.

[Confuser]

Jen, I really liked it. The writing is wonderful and the descriptions are vivid - it is a story to me and I wonder if you will or will not. A man named Rudi, is writing a book Bloodrage, about vampires, and more - the bloodrage. You will love it. He is phenomenal! This great poem made me think of it. You could write dialouge for a show about vampires. I can hear these words being spoken. See wht I mean? Let's feast upon them all.

[Coffee Vampier]

As much as I love reading your poems it always reminds me why i should be writing! I love this depiction of darkness! Its really alluring. since you have been so kind to keep sending me RR's id like to send you a copy of my book ive been working on for about three years. though that will have to be after editing lol anyways great right!

[LadyNaida]

No doubt you are intrigue by the vampire ways. Nice read.

[SmittyJas]

Oh the secret bit of the vampire and his blood sucking ways He has been this way for centuries many foes he and slated put them on a cold slab and drank their blood every last drop. In my humble mind I must say I have no use for vampire's from centuries ago to this very day.

[DoormanDan]

Writers like you are the exact reason I absolutely LOVE dark poetry so much! This is one of the finest examples of dark poetry I have ever read. Hats off to you, jens books!

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i am glad i rose out of my coffin to read this...a tasty vampire poem---warmed my blood.

now back to bed,

jacob

[Fran Marie]

A dark vampire poem ..chilling and well penned

[Matching Socks]

Very cool poem, dark. I love it.