Dark betrayal!

another dark poem !

 

   first version 

   Around,

All around,

The dark memories gather.

Against my eyes.

It crushes me,

And darkly my life's blood drips.

To the broken ground.

In numbness i call your name,

In fear,

Whit hell takes control of my hands,

Now alone,

My cascades of tears falls upon us,

Howling eyes,

In the darkness,

With blood dripping down,

This is my Hell

     second version

    dark betrayal, 

around, 

all around, 

the dark memories gather, 

against my eyes, 

it crushes me, 

and darkly my lifes, 

blood drips, 

to the broken ground, 

in numbness i call your name, 

in fear i cry, 

hell begins to take control of my hands, 

now all alone, 

my cascades of tears fall upon us, 

howling eyes, 

in the darkness, 

with blood dripping down, 

this is my hell 

 

Author's Note

tell me what you think of this dark poem

do you like the first version or the second version better

Reviews

[Coffee Vampier]

My own reason to write is ive seen hell too, why do you write? I also write it for passion killing and sex but hell was most of my poetry here.

[Starcaller]

Wow, some pretty intense imagery, nice work.

[SmittyJas]

I read your dream of going to heaven so don't sweet the small stuff your soul is preserved and heaven bound for Jesus has your back. You won't drown.

[Baby Ricochet]

Yep. That's a horror poem alright. Vampires are all up in here

[R Smith]

lots of blood dripping and darkness makes for a true picture of horror, more scary stuff from you Jen, well done :)

[wordman]

reminds me of the series dark shadows,a vampire in london

[A Soap Mess Stories]

What a chilling darkness felt in this...

[Ryan Henderson]

I like this dark poem, It flows nicely and exhibits good vocabulary, BUT it is not as good as your vampire poems ;)