Demons from Hell!

just a poem i wrote poped into my head

    Creatures of the night lurk upon us. 

The demons from Hell, 

Seeing who's souls they can steal, 

They want to drag you to the pits of Hell, 

For you have sined, 

They want you in Hell,

So they can torcher you, 

Laugh at you, 

Eat your soul, 

For you'll never live again, 

You'll die over and over, 

Thrown into a lake of fire, 

Your flesh burning, 

Bugs crawling through your body, 

You'll wish you never sined, 

You'll try to ask for forgiveness, 

The demons laugh at you and say, 

There's no turning back now once you have sined, 

Once you have been dammed to Hell.

Author's Note

tell me what you think

Reviews

[wordman]

demons from hell a classic tale great job

[GoGo Tamago]

Chilling....I can feel a chill going up my back.

[Zeitgeist Manifesto]

Man...this was real.
The stuff of nightmares.

[Jack Wolfe]

This is a nice quick glimpse into the underworld; however, there are several minor errors strewn through out.

Who’s souls – whose soul

Sined (sinned)
Torcher (torture)

You'll never live again,
You'll die over and over,
(This is a bit contradictory, though I understand you playing on the idea of hell is repetition).

Bugs crawling through your body, (just a suggestion, body for flesh)

Sined (sinned)

There's no turning back now once you have sined,
Once you have been dammed to Hell.

(I would rearrange this final line for a little more oomph)

There’s no turning back, Sinner, you’re damned to Hell. (or any other crisp variant)

Overall, an entertaining read, but needs a little touch up.

[Sreenath]

wow ... this piece a picture of real superficial world that we do believe exists ... it takes a tour to that place... it took me too the exact situation that you explained... i liked the line "bugs cawling through you body" i supposed to make meaning that its a feel of guilt..... nicely penned the words have that closeness .. enjoyed reading it.... :) adios :)

[Dark Rose]

Omg I love this !!!!!!!!!!!

[MomzillaNC]

Halloween darkness…

NOTES: Below, I've edited your poem, giving you suggestions (set out in brackets) for a smoother set of lines. The edits are only recommendations:

    Creatures of the night lurk [nearby]. 
[Those] demons from Hell, 
[Searching out] souls [to] steal, 
[To] drag you to the pits of Hell, 
For you have [sinned], 
[Demons] want you in Hell,
[Where] they can [torture] you, 
[And, will] laugh at you, 
[While they] eat your soul, 
For you'll never live again, 
You'll die over and over, 
Thrown into a lake of fire, 
Your flesh [sears], burning, 
Bugs crawling through your body, 
[Wishing] you never [sinned], 
You'll try to [beg] for forgiveness, 
The demons laugh at you and say, 
“There's no turning back now
once you have [sinned], 
[Now you’ve] been dammed to Hell.

[M.A.Rathore]

This is another punch in the realm of punishment given by God at the time of death or doom's day.
Really this is a nice piece for making our soul free from all sins...
Thanks sharing
Have a nice time.

[R Smith]

that's a way to scare the hell out of sinners, its a great poem full of anger and suffering, absolutely love it :)

[Dipanjan Dutta]

Jen, that's a modest way to remind that every misdeed awaits a punishment...the poem is good...instills the fear of hell and demons (if they need to be feared at all ;) )...easy flow without any hesitation...i liked it...

and yeah there are two spelling mistakes as pointed out earlier...please correct them