CHAPTER 3

   I know that this sounds odd, but believe it or not, I am allergic to cigarette smoke; Now, I know that this is not really an allergy, but whenever I smell cigarette smoke whenever some nicklehead smokes a stinkin’ cigarette, I begin to cough like crazy! Hey, can’t those chumps smoke their cancer sticks somewhere else?!  As if the Marlboro Man with fairy wings is going to magically appear and bring cigarettes to them so that they can smoke their health away, hmm?!
   Well, let me tell you something-Joe Camel is not going to be coming for a visit anytime soon, so you can just forget about smoking those cigarettes in front of someone such as me! And I would very much like to tell you something else: My mother and stepfather had smoked, and I had fears that I might join them in this light-up-and-have-cancer-someday foray, but thankfully I had ignored this stupid invitation. I do not smoke, and I have no plans of ever doing such a thing like that anytime soon, or ever: I hate smoking, and any teenager who has this goofy idea of wanting to smoke like their mommy or their daddy should check with their therapists beforehand.
   And so with those incredible rants on some things that have happened in my life, I would very much like to close with this: You shall never get good grades just by watching Alex Trebek rapping, and you shall not ever get good college credit just by drinking beer and smokin’ vape, and don’t ask me why, I just say so! Goodnight, everybody!