Next Time You Swear...

A funny writing piece about knowing NOT when to use your potty mouth, and vice-versa...

      People these days have such foul mouths, it is that no Hefty trash bag is small enough for such mouths as these; Someone should invent Comet cleanser for their mouths and wash their stinkin’ mouths out with it!
     But seriously folks, everywhere I go, almost each and every day, I hear nothing but people who just love nothing more than using their potty for mouths, it seems they forgot to flush them. People of all ages swear and curse like drunken sailors so very much that Popeye would need to use Pepto Bismol after eating all of that spinach while listening to such garbage…I mean, where do they get that idea that they are cursing? From spending many a late-night watching HBO?! Or maybe I’m thinking that they got that from the fact that Cardi B. is their fairy godmother, who knows…
     Yes, my dearest friends, we are living in this great country of ours, and this happens to be a free country, which means that you can be free to curse like a drunken sailor anytime you please! In fact, they think cursing is a way of life that maybe they would next think that Andrew Dice Clay is like the Mister Rogers of swear words. But you want to know something else? I think that the other people who have put up to hear those who use such disgusting language that they need to wash their ears out with soap!

     But to be honest, does one think that getting what they want in life is worth using swear words for? Is getting that promotion worth opening one’s potty mouth? Well, I would very much like to tell you something: You are not going to be the next contestant on Wheel of Fortune if you keep opening your potty mouth for the rest of your life.
     Sure, they think that they can get a gazillion likes on any social media page if they set some sort of world’s record by using every swear word they can think of? Well, unless the FCC is not going to pay any attention, not gonna happen. And imagine if there was a children’s show when kids lean that it is OK to swear, as long as you don’t get caught? Well, moms and dads out there, break out the Pepto Bismol, please!!
     Anyhoo, in case any of you are wondering if I live with a family who swears, then may I ask: Are you kidding? I have put up with my family who have used their potty mouths more that Elmo from Sesame Street uses the potty, I think! In fact, my family uses profanity often that their verbal behavior is like a blind date: Sounds better on the phone than it is in person! Name other people in your family who curse like sailors, I’ll wait…

We are living in such a time these days when certain things have become problematic, such as that song called Baby, It’s Cold Outside; Wow, I bet that they’ll think that Barney and “I Love You” would be problematic next, hmm?!
    I mean, you cannot ever go anywhere these days and find that things such as some song that Kate Smith sang all of those many years ago can cause a hockey team to cover her statue and later remove it; It’s kind of like Walmart wanting to remove Barbie because she did…Oh, never mind…Yes, there are things out there that some people would call problematic, and do you want to know something else? Maybe I myself would like to try something different: If I had the power, I would make cursing/using swear words problematic, because they poison the ears of little children everywhere. Yes, little children do not want to hear a garbage can for a mouth.
    Yes, if I had one wish, it would be to make swearing problematic; But hey, if that does not work out, then I can make watching Doctor Who problematic! Goodnight, everybody!

Author's Note

What do you think of my humorous thoughts on swearing, hmm?!-JW