caesura.

the moment was a day's worth of silence... 

she sat, 

an unopened half-read edition of "Cider House Rules" 

prone in her lap 

as she sat 

the sunlight's captured dust motes 

limned her form with golden dust 

casting upon her 

an other-worldly beauty, 

the effect only amplified 

by the slight look of puzzlement 

sketched across her features 

i watched her from afar 

my own unread tome 

borne quietly 

by my inwardly turned limbs 

we were both waiting, you see 

for the breath of the undefinable 

to ghost across our forms 

and tell us when our time had come

Reviews

[.]

"the moment was a day's worth of silence..."
{wow--awesome first line!}

"we were both waiting, you see
for the breath of the undefinable
to ghost across our forms
and tell us when our time had come"

{this poem has an interesting mood}
(like wanton/waiting in peace maybe?)
{and wonderful imagery}
{never the less---i love this poem!}

james:-)

[alan peter kelly]

is that the "borne identity", "the borne supremacy", or "the borne ultimatum"? (joking)...where's a bloody icon when you need one? :s yes...such moments are difficult to relate on paper page or cyber space yet dear you manage it with aplomb....

[Robin]

you tell the story well Jennie

[Tony]

Your poems are ever so vivid and creepy.
When I read poetry, for whatever reason, I am generally trying to see thru the authors eyes. As opposed, I suppose, to the subject matter, When? Where? Why?
In this one I was pleased to sit a moment in a musty library in the pacific northwest, windy outside and partly cloudy.
I too, am a fan of the dust dancing within the sunbeams.
What is creepy?
Those two other people in the room, Why must they just sit and stare?
Like an extra long pause in a poem.

[Scott Kelly]

I like this one. As usual I have a few words and bits to pick out, but I'll be gentle and start by reminding you that this is a beautiful piece of work.

One idea - and not to try and stomp all over your wonderfully delicate idea - would be to include a male and female form of Cesurae within your poem. When I saw the title and remembered what it meant, I went searching for them. I love anything with added layers. I want a book or poem that I have to read 100 times, that I can think about for a year. I want poetry and books that secretly implant knowledge in your mind that you won't even realize until weeks later when you're pondering it at random.

Enough about me.

I don't like...
"as she sat" at the top of the 3rd stanza. She is already sitting. You have too few words to use in a poem to repeat any of them.

inwardly turned limbs, at the end of the fourth stanza. Just sounds unnecessary. "Inwardly turned" does add to your general message, but it is superfluous. How would you be holding a book with outwardly turned limbs? That would be something worth mentioning. As it is, I can already picture the inwardly turned limbs, because that's the only way to hold a book.

Lastly, and this may simply be my lack of ability to interpret poetry, it only seems like one of them is waiting, while it says that both are. She seems caught up, if slightly confused by, Cider House Rules. However, the narrator hasn't even cracked his/her book, and so it seems like the narrator is the only one waiting.

Other than that. Nicely done. And that "The moment was a day's worth of silence" was dope.

[Iota]

Narrative, yes Justrose hit that one on the head, you are an expert at writing narratives. I love the scenes you are able to write, even if there is nothing happening you write it so well that I feel relaxed and in the moment. This is a difficult thing to accomplish. This poem reminded me of growing old, thinking within about our self and waiting for our time in the peacefulness of the moment. I always love your writing style and your ability to paint the perfect scene in our minds.

[Sweet_pale_cacophony]

we were both waiting, you see
for the breath of the undefinable
to ghost across our forms
and tell us when our time had come...lovely..:)

[just rose.]

what's interesting here is the sort of siddhartha-esque narrative ability (thinking about the time when he made himself go INTO the banyan tree, it might've been his friend govinda who did that, but anyway, it was a meditative technique) for the narrator to be inside herself watching as well as inside the subject of her curiosity. i like that sort of doppelganger effect. it gives a sense of completeness and empathy in the poem. i also love when ghost is used as a verb. the use of the phrase "inwardly turned" is a very succinct way of perceiving the entire piece. well done.

[JC]

i'm not used to you so meloncholy but its a great read, very quiet and serene, nothing beats sunlight through a window to enchant...f****n A Jen.

[Ed Hart]

you paint this quiet scene with a gentle hand, sepia, patient, surrendered