habitude.

   His skin always looked so smooth, she thought, And cool. Like the pale underside of a cucumber skin. She would often stare at the vulnerable whiteness curving behind his left ear. He sat in front of her, slightly to her right, and every day she found herself trapped by this bermuda triangle of skin. She treasured her secret morsel with a dragon-like glee, knowing it was unnoticed by most eyes, including his own. Many times she wondered how its supple angles would feel against the molten pink of her tongue.

   Each day she promised this would be the day to walk the long walk to the elevators beside him. She'd smile a smile that would reveal all her days of longing to him in one heartstop of a moment. His smile would prove her victory, and she would take him home to claim her prize.

   Each day she followed him out, behind and slightly to his left.

   She then went home to prepare the Food Network recipe of the day, which she'd eat in front of a fluctuating melange of television, weekly status reports, and the occasional paperback novel. Her nights all ended with the crawl inside her personal ocean of cool white sheets. When she had dreams, they consisted only of his flesh quenching her feverish surfaces; waking up to lather, rinse, repeat the day before.

   Somehow, it was enough.

Reviews

[Alysa Salzberg]

This is a really well-written piece. I love how you play with figurative langauges. My absolute favorites are: "His skin always looked so smooth, she thought, And cool. Like the underside of a cucumber skin." I've never thought of skin this way, and it totally works. And "crawl inside her personal ocean of cool white sheets". This to me is the sign of a truly creative mind: you reveal new ways to look at the world. This piece could have had lots of cliched and worn-out similes and metaphors, but its language is original all the way through. Great job!

[Timothy Lawmowe]

i liked it. i will definitely read the rest of these shorts. im a hetero male and i wanted to be that girl lol.

[Coyote Poetry]

I like the beginning of this story. Real life can get real boring. You always wonder what someone is thinking. A very good opening chapter. You got my attention with the strong chapter.
Coyote

[emmajoy]

To hear the voice makes this come alive like a private theatre performance. I listened twice, knowing the typed words would mean even more - they did.

I don't know why the following threw themselves forward but they did, maybe I can imagine first the movement then the sensation of the material.. 'the crawl inside her personal ocean of cool white sheets.'

Wonderful

[Toon]

wow that's really good. really a quick hard look at a life. "molten pink of the tongue" is awesome. i'm excited, i thought you only wrote poetry. "somehow, it was enough" made my heart sink a little. I can definitely sympathize with this character and this chapter's only a few hundred words. I can't wait to read on.

[Nobody.]

Brilliant. Great imagery. So many others have pointed out the more textured lines of this that I'll just say: WOW! So as not to be too repetitious.

Love the longing here. Really pangs of a real life crush. I can see this exact situation playing out a thousand times over all over the world. Great. I must say that I've had a daily passerby who infected my dreams a time or ten back when I worked in the city.

cheers!

[Rory CJ Frankson]

neat: [a fluctuating melange of television] & this is rather a gifted string of prose: [quenching her feverish surfaces; waking up to lather, rinse, repeat the day before. Somehow, it was enough.] Somehow, this inference reflects Loneliness & Fantasy, I liked the rythme and abstact edges...
Write On / Right On! Ro...
Peace... walk Stanley and, smile at the waves. ;) Parks are nice, Eh!

[Miss Coral]

This was so simple, and yet was so delicate and so incredibly real.
I adore your descriptions, and your refreshing look on somewhat mundane things. Excellently penned.

-Coral-

[JelliFyshKissUs]

Ah... Illustrative stories are my morsels of delectable candy. And this will keep me reaching into your bag of goodies, my dear. Such an eloquent view of desire, creating sensual feelings within me by describing ordinary things in such a stimulating, feral, but pleasing way. You have won my heart with you appealing words.

[Pax Analog]

"Bermuda triangle of skin" is priceless.

Droll minutiae as a lineament of desire is winningly humorous, particularly as that tone continues.

Flash card chapter style is effective too.

[Michael X]

wow, you put a clear emphasis on the meaning which makes this such a
journey in words j.w, a sensuous, tracing finger across the skin.
the imagery is personified, the opening is classic, the entire story,
very well written and expressed. excellent job