untitled perceptions.

sitting in a little room
 containing the miniscule detritus
 of one young man's life
 i watch a bead of sweat
 form and slide down
 the smooth skin of your neck

Reviews

[R J Askew]

Bloody hell this is intense. It is a word portrait. And active. It is like standing in a gallery looking at a picture and suddenly it comes alive. We start, blink, look again and it is a picture again. But the poem is better than a picture as it is active in our minds. I like little/miniscule/young. And I like the way the poem shifts to 'your' in the last line.

[Iota]

Hm this one is interesting, on one hand you could be saying that men are like rocks and we need to decay in order to become humble, or.... a young man who has been broken down to the point that he is like an older man... but I love the bead of sweat that you watch, I think he is sweating from being so close to you :)... Interesting write :)

[Periac]

hmmm.
.....i wanted more......
this has me in blank stares.....
i feel you crossed opposites ....i read it in a weird battle of good and evil....a man ....a dead man...maybe in retrospect....and you looking with intensity a mere want?...or hatred......

this one has me asking more than i could ask here.......

do tell

[[untitled]]

very very good. the imagery is absolutely to die for. great job!

[~Shadow Kissed~]

Oh, this is really good it flows well.