untitled perceptions.

sitting in a little room
 containing the miniscule detritus
 of one young man's life
 i watch a bead of sweat
 form and slide down
 the smooth skin of your neck

Reviews

[R J Askew]

Bloody hell this is intense. It is a word portrait. And active. It is like standing in a gallery looking at a picture and suddenly it comes alive. We start, blink, look again and it is a picture again. But the poem is better than a picture as it is active in our minds. I like little/miniscule/young. And I like the way the poem shifts to 'your' in the last line.

[Abdul Aziz]

This is very intriguing. You have paused time in this poem, for the reader to reflect on the scene. Who is the young man? And why are you talking about sweat, and referring to the second person? There are many stories that could have been involved leading to this frozen section of time.
"Miniscule detritus of one young man's life" is an awesome sentence! Really cool.
Great job!

[Jonathan Ballam]

Interesting little annotation to perhaps a deeper (or even darker) feeling churning inside the observers head.

Brilliant!

[Tony]

You could beat on this little poem with a hammer all day long and not even so much as scratch it.
Beautiful.

[Elizabeth]

A moment captured... just a heartbeat. But so very vivid. What are you doing in the room? Who is the young man? It matters not... the moment is complete. I love this.

[Ed Hart]

whenever, wherever, whatever this is, it is complete...the setting is subdued and contains the distance of "minuscule detritus" and the intimacy of "smooth skin"...the art of fine poetry is knowing when to begin, and where to stop

[Crowley]

What then...oh my God, what then. This is a little slice of perfection that just opens an entire world unto the reader. Sexy or not. Sad or not. Real or not. And the title is the most perfect of all....you gave me chills with this one. I told you I was coming over. You should have locked your doors.

[KatiePie]

Your skills with imagery honestly made me read this about 7 times to see if the picture haunting my mind would change. It didn't this was a beautiful piece and I loved reading it. The picture you've given me never left my head and its there, like someone has super glued it to my brain. Gorgeous write.
-Cathrine

[blob blob]

"sitting in a little room
containing the minuscule detritus
of one young man's life"
..wow...perceptive creativity...
...this really paints a picture...
the mood here is well expressed!!!
...i love it...:-)

J:)

[just rose.]

I love poems that are as small as a daisy and as big as the world. This is one of them, and the stop-action moment in it is arresting.

[Sweet_pale_cacophony]

I would have loved it more if you left an after note for this but then,i do understand a poem should be kept open to interpretations..
brief,precise and so very skilled..