The Way Things Are

betrayal is a blade

whose edge i know too well

i know its heft and balance

and the metallic taste it leaves

on the back of my tongue

when the steel slices into flesh


but i am strong

and i can smile

i'll believe that the blade tastes sweet

that my heart is still whole


but here


on this page


for this once


i can admit:



i am tired of being the good one

Reviews

[Creepy Swine Guy]

This review could sound nit-pickish, but please understand that that is because I like it so very much. A poem that I have average regard for is a poem that I do not bother to nit-pick. I pick at poems that I think are within a few tweaks of perfection. So please take my nit-picking as high praise.

I wish it were punctuated. Poets will offer some "artistic" excuse or tell you that they are making some sort of statement by not punctuating or capitalizing anything. But the truth is, it just looks plain lazy. It gives the appearance of someone who wants to be a writer but doesn't have the respect for the words to see that they are properly cared for. The commas and periods that aren't there would be the reader's instructions on how to read your words ... if you had included them. Since you wrote the poem, you hear it perfectly in your mind's ear because you know exactly how it's supposed to be read. I struggled a bit to read the poem properly because I did not know where the stops and pauses were supposed to be. This is what the commas and periods would have told me. A common misconception is that the end of a line indicates a pause in a poem. This is not the case and so, we the reader REALLY need punctuation to know how you want us to read your poem. Think of it as a road map.
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In the line ...

"whose knife edge i know well "

... I didn't like the word "knife" as an adjective at all. My first thought was to use "sharp" but that seemed a tad ... plain. The Thesaurus offered "honed", "serrated" and "whetted". The other option is to write it without any adjective, which I think is also a better option than "knife edge"
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In the line ...

"and the metallic taste it makes"

... I think that the word "makes" is incorrect. Don't you think that "leaves" sounds much better?
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In the line ...

"when the steel slices in to flesh"

... I believe that the words "in to" should be the single word "into"
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People often use the adjective "powerful" to refer to a poem. Often I feel that this is done too freely so as to cheapen the value of the adjective. This poem however, is unquestionably powerful.

You don't throw a lot of whining at the reader. You start off with a strong and resolute voice, the subject is determined to stay that way. Only at the end, does the voice crack a bit to betray the slightest hint of a weakness that is only normal, only human.

[John Anderson]

what a beautiful and deeply moving poem.

[Crowley]

Betrayal is written about on the pages of the WC a hundred times a day...this may be the best portrayal of it that I have read to date. I love the tactile references that make me want to cringe and give me goose flesh. Nicely done...

[An owl on the moon]

Your words are filled with a story.. story upon story you've known too well.. The pain of love or friendship gone horribly wrong. In it all, you cling to that smile, though it seems wearied by the world. Powefully voiced.

[JC]

funny, i was just thinking that about you, that you are genuinely a good person, and i can see this being part of your existence...but at least you'll always be able to hold your head high and look yourself in the mirror at days end...show me some evil jennie...whats in your closet?

[Devons]

For me, this whole poem is a testament to denial. There is clearly an awareness of the betrayal that is recognised by the 'taste' in the mouth, but it is translated into a 'sweet' sensation that belongs to another time that can never now be recaptured. So this denial is maintained in order to deal with a situation that the victim doesn't want to face. The use of the imagery of the blade, and its savage capability for injury is a very potent one, and the bitterness of taste that a real blade would incur is more than just metaphorically equivalent to that of true betrayal.
The last line has an interesting potential for open interpretation, in that it could be that the victim has many times before committed this denial, and it could be seen that this is in fact a betrayal of the self as well as the betrayal from another..
An interesting piece of work and introspectively understanding and real.

[Gandré]

yes yes the trait of ‘truthfulness’, defined as the disposition to tell the truth, is widely regarded as a virtue. Truthfulness can take either the baseline form of avoiding all lies or the wider form of being as forthcoming and sincere as possible at all times, this is very wishful behavior, but we don't know.. we first need to know people and then we sort of can guess the behavior, of course, in relationships this is different... much different.. you worked out very nicely this issue of betrayal which can't be understood without polarizing it with truthfulness. Buddhist precept would be not to lie but to practice sincerity and honesty. I think - it means, we need to learn it. Perhaps is betrayal in our genetic disposition, I don't know. to say -i'll believe that the blade tastes sweet - this was very vivid and scared me, such an eloquence here.

[Zeitgeist Manifesto]

There's nothing worst than being attacked without cause. It hurts worse coming from someone you trust. The way this person acknowledges the blade and knows everything about it makes me kind of sad. They have opened up before and now they've been hurt again. At the end, we see them tired of being the victim. One can only hope that they dont forget who they are. It would be a tragedy to see such a kind soul laid to rest.

[Iota]

When we experience something like being betrayed over and over again, only to see the one who betrayed us ride off into the sunset happy go lucky with someone new, it makes us wonder if being good is worth it. it is when we trust blindly that makes betrayal hurts the most.

The thing is though each time we find love we have to forgive and forget all the ones who betrayed us before, and we must move forward as if we had never been betrayed for if we meet our true soul mate then we both need to be good for it to work. Sometimes thou, we just need to be bad and get it our of our system. Very heartfelt post, thank you for sharing this with us.

[Periac]

here is the obvious reference to giving all but being hurt in the process....what I did enjoy most was the sword that was used throughout the pain.....again another write with a revelation towards the end....the climax of the wounded "tastes" the emotion.......very powerful