Chapter Four

                “Did you sleep well, Ms. Mor?” I heard just as I had sat up. How does he do that? I heard Spock ask as he walked into the living room.

                “Fine, thank you.”

                “Fine has variable definitions. Fine is unacceptable.” I hear his reply, cold, but not unkind.

                “Well, uh, honestly, it was the best sleep I’ve had…ever.” I say, just realizing I hadn’t dreamt. I hadn’t had my normal nightmare. I looked up at him, he was now sitting in the chair which was on the right side of the couch, and stole a look I learned from him. I raised my eyebrow. “You didn’t happen to have anything to do with that did you?” I pause, remembering that just because I was in his condo he was still a commanding officer and my professor. “Sir.”

                “Yes. I apologize if that upsets you, I merely desired for you to have adequate rest.” He replied.

                “Thank you, by the way, for uh….last night.” I say lamely.

                “Ms. Mor, your thanks are unnecessary. I merely saw a cadet in a position she did not need to be in and assisted.” He said, his jaw clenched as we both started to recall the events of last night. I felt blood rush to my cheeks, realizing I was still in the dress Tasha had picked out for me and my hair was down. I immediately moved for the hair tie that was still on my wrist and quickly gathered my hair into a messy bun.

                “So….when do I report to….who do I report to?” I asked rather hesitatingly. I didn’t know how this stuff worked at the academy.

                “You will report to the Admiral’s office in exactly one hour, I will escort you there. I suggest you gather yourself quickly so you can go to your dorm and change prior to meeting the admiral.” He states, then stands up and walks out of the living room. He was already dressed, so really it was just up to me.

                I got out of my makeshift bed, apparently he had draped a blanket over me as I fell asleep last night and put a pillow under my head, and headed for the bathroom. He had evidently obtained an extra toothbrush for me sometime during the night while I slept as well. No reason not to put it to good use. I was so out of my element. I had slept in the home of my professor, a commander on the ship I hoped to one day soon be assigned to. He had seen me in the most compromising position I could think of to date, seen me practically naked, both physically and emotionally, and now he was about to escort me to a private hearing where I would recount aloud the events that would most have certainly led to rape if he hadn’t intervened on my behalf because I froze and wouldn’t fight back. Yeah, f**k my life.

                I walked out of the bathroom and headed back into the living room, looking for Tasha’s heels that I had borrowed last night. I found them, contemplated putting them on, then decided to just go barefoot. I didn’t want to look even more like a skank than I already did at this point, and my feet were also killing me for wearing them in the first place.

                “You are ready?” I heard his voice ask from behind. I jumped slightly, startled by his sudden reappearance. I was not ready to face Tasha, hopefully she wouldn’t be in the room yet.

                “Yes, sir.” I responded.

                “We are off duty, Ms. Mor, you may call me Spock.” He said with a softer voice this time. Then I felt it. I was suddenly angry…at him. Yeah, he had saved me from my hesitation, but then, he had taken advantage of my vulnerable state to learn more about me just to satisfy his curiosity. Yeah, I was not happy.

                “Aila.” I said simply as he walked in front of me to open the door and lead us outside. I was so not looking forward to this entirely awkward walk of shame.

                “You are not wearing any footwear.” He said, more questioning than not. I thought Vulcans didn’t state the obvious…

                “My feet hurt. I shouldn’t have worn these anyway. I hate heels.” I replied as we started walking. He led me to a parking lot just off to the left of his condo, something I had missed last night, and went to the passenger side door to open it for me.

                “Uh, thanks.” I muttered. He didn’t respond. I climbed in the car as he walked over to the driver’s side and got in as well. We spent almost the entire car ride in silence. I felt awkward, for sure, and no longer angry, I was calm. Too calm. When I realized what was going on I felt the surge of anger return.

                “Thank you for helping me to calm down, but honestly, I’d rather know how I feel at the moment, seeing as how I can’t just shut it off.” I said, just as we neared the dorms. We stopped and I got out quickly before he could respond. He had stopped right in front of my building, not that we needed to drive there, but it was a bit faster than walking, and I was thankful for that.

                I got into my dorm room and decided I didn’t know what to wear. Should I wear my uniform or not? Before I made up my mind I decided a shower was in order first. I didn’t have long, but after last night I felt the desperate need to wash away the disgust that I felt.

                I quickly pulled my uniform on, making sure I opted for the more masculine version of the female uniform. The one with pants. No way was I ever wearing the dress again. I pulled my hair into a high ponytail and braided it after brushing out the wet masses.

                Before I reached for the door handle I suddenly realized that Spock had allowed me to feel my own emotions, not influencing them, and I suddenly wished for his influence once more. I felt shame, disgust, vulnerability, weakness. I felt compromised. Tears trickled down my face and I wiped them away quickly, I was not going to cry again. I shook my head and swallowed, trying to prepare myself for the torture that was sure to come.

                When I exited my dorm room I noticed that Spock was standing outside the door waiting for me. I simply looked at him for a moment and he started walking back towards the car. I followed. He opened my door for me once again, which I decided to take without complaint. Once we were both inside he spoke.

                “I apologize for the intrusion earlier, I simply wanted to help you to remain calm.” He said, eyes straight ahead.

                “It’s fine.” I replied in a slightly clipped voice, remembering what happened, I tried to reason with myself saying he had only wanted to help me, but then I countered my own reasoning remembering he was Vulcan.  An idea struck, “How do you not feel anything?” I asked. “I don’t want to feel like this anymore, I don’t want to feel scared and weak.”

 Last night alone would be enough, but then I started to remember the meld, what had been brought to the surface. The attack from when I was still in high school, and all the random memories from when I was a little girl that I hadn’t even known existed until that perfectly constructed wall in my mind came tumbling down. I was confused to top it all off.

                “You are human. To not feel anything would be…illogical.” He said in reply after a short period of silence. How odd, such a statement from a Vulcan.

                “I thought Vulcans praised logic.” I said, needing to distract myself from what was about to happen. “I thought human emotion was seen as a weakness.” I looked at him, and immediately wish I hadn’t said that last sentence. His jaw clenched and his hands tightened around the steering wheel. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you.” I said in a hushed tone, knowing that I obviously had. I was angry with him sure, but some of that anger was probably just transference, and he still was a superior.

                “It is…fine.” He said, and after a moment returned back to his normal cold and impassionate self. Funny, I thought to myself, seeing as how fine has variable definitions.

 “We are here.” The car stopped. Lucky me. We exited the car in silence and made the walk into the Admirals’ building. I started to panic slightly, breathing more rapidly, and felt a surge of peace wash over me like a warm breeze. This time I didn’t object. I just looked in Spock’s direction with narrowed eyes and turned ahead abruptly, hoping he wouldn’t notice.

                We finally arrived at the correct office. Spock knocked and went in first. He was in there for about five minutes and all I could hear were muffled voices…more than once.

When he stepped out he simply stated “They are ready for you, you may enter.” I looked at him for a moment, waiting to see if he was going to go in with me, he just stared at me. I was going in alone.

                Before I could open my mouth Admiral Pritchard, the dean of Starfleet Academy spoke. “Relax and take a seat, Cadet Mor,” using his hand he gestured to the seat in front of his desk, which behind sat three admirals. If it weren’t a more serious situation I would have laughed, they looked quite cramped. I took my seat and waited for the interview to begin.

                “We apologize for having to put you through this, Cadet Mor, but we need to know in your own words the events that transpired last night.” Admiral Pritchard said. It took a moment before he spoke again, apparently wanting me to start telling what happened, but I didn’t even know where to begin. I didn’t want to talk about it. I just wanted to forget about it and move on. I didn’t have time for this.

                “At your leisure, Ms. Mor, the faster you tell us the faster you get out of here and can continue on with your day.” Admiral Pritchard stated, trying not to sound unkind. I guess he was just as uncomfortable as I was.

                “I guess I’ll start from when I left the bar…”

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SPOCK POV

 

                As I waited for the interview to progress to its end I found myself using most of my control to keep the anger I felt inside and buried. I felt anger for the cadet who thought he had a right to take advantage of Aila. I felt anger for the men who tried to when she was younger. I felt anger for all the wrong that had been done to her for her entire life. After the anger I felt confusion.

                I was confused at how easy it was to establish a meld with her mind. It was as if my mind recognized hers instantly. It didn’t take long to sift through her memories, not as long as it would have normally. Pushing aside the bond melding with Aila had created, I was referring to her as Aila. When had that changed? And then there were the memories behind the wall the Vulcan mind healers had created.

                The memory of her mother being shot and her being knocked unconscious by her murderer. The memories of being held captive for two years by unknown assailants who wanted nothing more than to make her a slave. They wanted to make the princess of the Sealtag their slave. But they were too busy drawing resources from the planet so quickly to notice how it was killing them, and when they finally did, they left, leaving her there to die. And the memories, a child’s memories, before her two-year captivity, of being the princess of the Sealtag. Who were they? And who were their enemy?

                I wanted to know more, part of why I decided to meld with her to help, but now she was angry at me for reasons unknown to myself.

                Aila finally walked out of the office thirty minutes later. I steeled myself for what I was about to see.

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