There were twenty minutes left before we started driving to North Carolina...and that's when it hit me. We are actually going to be leaving New Jersey. I'm going to be further away from my mother than I have ever been. This is going to be much harder than I had expected... I'm not going to be able to visit my mom's grave site every week like I always do. I'm not going to be able to wake up in her house every morning, smelling her ages-old potpourri. And most of all, I'm not going to be able to open her bedroom door and imagine her there every time I need consoling. So, really...there was nothing left for me to do but run. I knew it wasn't the absolute best way of doing things, but it was my way...and at the time, I didn't really know how to deal with it any differently.
*
It was very warm and cloudy all morning, and the winds nearly knocked me over. The winds where I am right now, however, are freezing. They're even worse than they were back at home...if that's even possible. All I can think of doing right now is leaning against this wooden fence; crying and watching the ocean. My hair keeps on getting messed up, and in my face, but I let it. Once you've been hurt so much, you learn not to have a care in the world.
Besides, the only company I have is an elderly man who looks like he is in his late seventies, so I really have no need to worry about my appearance. Nobody else would think to come out here this early in the morning; it's 6:15 am.
The man's name is Rusty, according to his name tag. Everyone in this area knows that he is the owner of the Bait & Tackle shop at the Atlantic Ocean harbourfront. The both of us are leaning on the wooden fence around the harbour's fishing pier; surrounded by fishing poles, and facing the ocean. Rusty will acknowledge that I'm here once in a while, and give me a calm smile, but he won't say anything else, otherwise.
It is very cold... Much colder than I thought it would be before I got here. I should've worn something more than just a short-sleeved shirt.
"It looks like you need a sweater," Rusty says.
"It'd sure help right now," I half smile through my tears.
"Then come with me," he starts walking towards the Bait & Tackle shop. "I think I have something for you."
He slowly leads me into the shop, then through an archway leading into a neighbouring store.
"Everybody knows I own the shop next door, but not many people know I own this one as well," he laughs. "Take a look around. I'm sure you'll find something that suits your liking."
"But I can't, sir," I tell him regretfully. "I have no money on me."
"That's not a matter to worry about, dear," he smiles calmly again. "It's on me."
"Oh, no, I couldn't possibly -"
"Listen," he says in a soft voice, leaning his arm on a rack of wind jackets. "You need some cheering up; that's not hard to see. So letting you have a free sweater would be the least bit of my worries!"
He brings me to a small clothing section marked Teens, and says: "Choose one that you like...and don't pay attention to any price tags!"
I smile gratefully at him, and shake his hand gently, "God bless you, sir!"
*
After talking to Rusty for a while, and thanking him 367 times, I resume standing at the fishing pier's wooden fence, wearing my new sweater, and watching the ocean. I'm not crying anymore, because I'm warmer...but mainly because I've thought these matters through, and Rusty informed me that...well..."life goes on." He is very right about that, though: I've just been dwelling too much on the negative, and forgetting that life does go on.
"Stand there any longer and you'll get barnacles," I hear a familiar voice give a soft laugh from behind me.
I turn around to see Nicholas standing there with the rest of the family in the distance. We stand there looking at each other for less than a moment. I throw myself into his arms, and we hug for a fairly long time.
Pulling out of the hug, I glance up at Nick with a grateful look in my eyes, only to find a hard look in his. I furrow my brow; shocked to see him staring at me the way he is right now, because it almost seems as if he is mad at me. Before I can say anything, he takes one step back, and grabbing hold of one of my hands, he leads me back to where I was previously standing. I give him a confused look, and open my mouth to ask him what it is that he is doing, until he steps behind me and gently holds my shoulders, facing me towards the ocean.
"Give me one word to describe this view," he says in my ear softly, yet with a harsh tone. "The first thing that comes to mind...anything..."
I hesitate before answering him... What is this all about?!
"It's...beautiful..." I tell him, examining the soft waves, the old boats, and the infinite number of stones and pebbles.
"Yes," he says, turning to face me. I look at him as well; staring into his dark brown eyes. "And what is it?"
"Umm...it's...the ocean?" I ask, still confused by what he's saying.
"No," he sighs, running a hand through his curls. "You're not getting what I'm trying to tell you."
"Sorry," I shiver as the winds begin to pick up again. "I'm trying..."
"I know you are, Ellie," he says, hugging me from behind to keep me warm. "But what this is...is what we're living right now."
"Life?" I ask, still confused. I move slightly away from him.
"Exactly!" I start to feel a little nervous as he moves forward yet again; just to get that much closer to me. "And that's exactly my point: life is beautiful, no matter what comes out of it...just like the ocean ...But it also goes on..." He says the last bit in more of a hushed tone; fearing my reaction.
"So I've learned," I softly smile, acknowledging Rusty. Nick smiles too, waving slightly at Rusty as he turns.
"Besides," Nick continues, to get one last word in, instead of rambling on. "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...it's about learning to dance in the rain."
I pause again before answering, just to think deeply for a moment about what Nick had just said, "You're right, you know."
"I know I am," he smiles, and puts his arm around me. "Come on, let's get this tour started!"
Nick brings me back over to our families in front of the tour bus with his arm wrapped tightly around my shoulders the entire time.
*
NICK'S POV:
I enter our Myrtle Beach hotel room to find Joe squirming around on the floor, on his stomach, while Kevin is sitting in a chair, watching him, looking very amused.
"Dude...what are you doing?!" I ask Joseph, extremely confused, and a bit thrown off.
"I'm swimming on the floor," he stops moving to answer me. "Now...LEAVE ME ALONE!!"Joe starts squirming violently again. I raise my eyebrows over my widened eyes, and heave a deep sigh. Bewildered at all that's been happening lately, I go into the washroom and lock the door behind me. I simply stare at myself in the mirror, and (after fixing my hair to my liking) I stop and think.
Elise acted much differently than usual over at the harbourfront earlier today; that's for sure. And even though I know she was upset about leaving New Jersey because of her mother, it was still different. I shudder with fear just having the thought of her mom's incident flash throughout my mind... Plus, I know how she is when she grieves over her mother...but today; that wasn't how she usually is when the subject arises... She was much quieter than usual; that's it... Thinking of that, I can remember one of the many things that my mom told myself and my brothers:
"When a girl is quiet, there are a million things going through her mind."
There probably were a million things going through her mind at that moment...but my brain just can't work strenuously enough to figure out what all of those things might be... There was something decidedly strange about that situation, however... I keep wondering why Ellie was so thrilled to see me at first, but then how she kept on moving away from me whenever I tried to get closer to her...
I can't possibly think about this anymore; I am much too tired to have my brain so active right now. I keep forgetting that I have to get up at the butt crack of dawn every day of the tour... The word horrible suddenly comes to mind. I remind myself that it's the price I have to pay if I want to keep living this celebrity lifestyle. I shut off the light, exiting the bathroom, to immediately have a ball of socks collide into the side of my head. I turn to see Kevin, Frankie, and mainly Joseph snickering at what just happened.
"Joe, I'm not in the mood," I say, aggrivated, and run to attack him. I jump on his back as he goes to turn away from me, and he falls into a kneeling position on the floor with myself still on him.
"Throwing things at Nicholas...?" I can hear Kevin say quietly to Frankie while I'm still tackling Joe. "Probably not the best thing Joseph has thought of..."
Frankie gives a muffled laugh behind his hand, and Kevin leads him out of the room to say goodnight to our parents.
"Okay, okay! Sorry, I give!" Joe begs for mercy in an annoyed tone. "I didn't know you were so touchy today...especially with the way you had your arm around Elise earlier!"
"I'm not touchy," I shake off my crankiness, and get off Joe.
"Well you sure seemed crabby to me just now!" He replies. I hear the door open and shut behind me. I don't turn around, expecting it to only be dad or mom.
I shrug at Joseph, wanting the conversation to just end already. I zip open my suitcase to see my favourite shirt lying, neatly folded, on top of all of my other packed clothes. It's an old shirt, and I only wear it to bed now, since it's so comfortable. It's vintage. It was also free. But best of all, it smells like simpler times: times when I didn't think about girls so much. I quickly strip off the shirt I'm wearing; wanting so badly just to put on my comfy old one and go to sleep. I turn around to toss my shirt into the laundry bin, and find Ellie standing right in front of me with wide eyes... Let's just be honest, and admit that she was not looking at my face.
"Oh, um, hi..." I rapidly turn back around, and throw on my sleep shirt. "Sorry, I didn't know you came in.""No, it's okay, don't appologize," she smiles, dazed. "It was my fault. I was too quiet. I didn't say anything when I came in."
"No, really, I -"
"Wooww," Joe groans sarcastically, interrupting me. I almost forgot he was here. "You kids are too much."
Elise and I look at each other and shrug.
"Well, I just came in to say goodnight to you boys," Ellie explains, back to her usual voice...although, it is still a little shaky. "I guess Kevin and Frankie are in another room?"
"No, they've just gone to say goodnight to our parents," Joe says. "They'll be back."
"Yeah, we're not rich enough to afford separate rooms...yet," I laugh. "For now it's two per bed with two beds per room."
"That's way too confusing for me to even think about," Ellie shakes her head and yawns. I grin at her deamily while she is yawning. Joe punches me to stop...but even he can't help but laugh at me for that.
"Anyways...have a good sleep, Ellie," Joe walks over to her, and I watch them as they hug. "You need it."
"Thanks. Goodnight, Joe," she resists another yawn, and turns to me. She is smiling so much that she is almost softly laughing.
"Sweet dreams, Nicholas," she says, captivatingly, in a lower key. We hug. I can feel her relax in my arms after a few seconds, and I smile pleasantly to myself.
"Don't fall asleep, now," I whisper to her in a hushed voice.
"That's hard to resist," she pulls out of the hug, smirking serenely. She begins to walk away, turning only once to smile back at us. "Goodnight, boys!"
*
NICK'S POV AGAIN:
"867?!?! WHAT?!?!" Joe screams extremely early in the morning, waking me up, and sits up in his bed. "Uhh...sorry, everyone...bad dream...don't worry about me...""Well, we're up now!" Kevin groans.
"Gadzooks!" Joe yawns. He sounds as if he is stretching his arms.
Kevin yawns as well, then laughs at Joe's bedhead, "Nice hairdo you've got going on there, by the way!"
"Yeah, I survived a tornado and all I got was cool hair," he says in a groggy voice, then yawns immensely again. "I was thinking of dying it aqua-green..."
"Joe, that color is not even found in nature," I mumble, still half asleep."Oh, so you're awake too?"
"Mmm," I groan...meaning yes. I sit up in my bed just as mom walks into our room.
"Oh, you boys are already awake? I was just coming in here to get you up!""Yeah..." I mumble. "You can thank Joe for that."
She looks confused, but she continues, "Well, I've brought you all breakfast, so eat up quickly, because we have to leave soon... Elise has already finished eating."
"Mmmm, oatmeal, a healthy addition to any breakfast," Joe groans sarcastically, staring at our breakfast bowls in mom's hands. "Just what I really wanted you to get us for mornings!"
"Listen, Joseph: it's either oatmeal, or that old slice of bread that's been left out a little too long..." Mom tries to reason with him, like usual. "I don't really think you'd want it, because its edges have kind of started to go hard..."
"Okay... I'll take the oatmeal," he groans, and mom puts the tray of our bowls on the table across from our beds.
"See you boys in an hour," she leaves the room, and closes the door behind her.
Kevin (litterally) rolls out of his bed, and begins to fix up his oatmeal to his liking. Joe does the same, but I, however, roll over in my bed...trying not to disturb Frankie, who is just starting to wake up as well. I'm much too tired to even think about getting off of this comfortable matress!
"Ew, gross, Kevin," Joe scowls at our brother. "You put sugar in your oatmeal?!"
"It's brown sugar...and of course I do!" Kevin laughs. "It would taste like cardboard if I didn't put so much in."
"It does taste like cardboard," Joe says with wide eyes, watching Kevin like he would watch an infomercial.
"I've said this multiple times before, but I consume too much sugar," Kevin continues, and laughs; dumping even more sugar into his bowl. "It's a problem; I need to stop... Plus, you definitely shouldn't have as much sugar as I have, Joe... You're already hyper enough!"
"Send me some," Joe says, ignoring Kevin's comment, and reaching for the small bowl of sugar. "I won't be hyper just because of some sugar. Besides, it's not even real sugar; it's brown."
"Bro, being hyper is your hidden talent..." I ruffle my own hair, slowly getting out of my bed. "Except it's not so hidden..."
"Of course it isn't...that goes for both of the things you said..." Joe furrows his brow, thinking for a moment before continuing. "My hidden talent is I...I can make pancakes appear."
"Then make some appear for me! I'd much rather have pancakes than oatmeal!"
He stares at me blankly, "Umm, sorry, I lied."
I sigh and roll my eyes, "Do we have any milk?"
"There should be some in your fridge if I'm correct," says a female voice from our room's doorway.
I turn around, as do Joe and Kevin. Ellie comes walking in, and shuts the door behind her.
"So what's with you and milk?" She asks, laughing slightly.
"I love it," I smile, widening my eyes. "Occasionally, we run outta milk, and I just freak out, I'm like, WHERE'S MY MILK?"
"Ha! Obsessed much?" She smirks.
"Just a little bit," I indicate a small amount with my forefinger and thumb.
She laughs again, "So where are you guys playing today?"
"House of Blues Myrtle Beach," Kevin tells her.
"Wow, House of Blues! That's really big, you guys!" She remarks.
"Yeah, we're so amped!" Joe nods his head vigorously, without stopping.
Kevin was totally right about the sugar!
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