Chapter 1

A massive work in progress. Also, superpowers.

More than anything I pitied the girl. Her Grr sweatshirt was stretched tight around her substantially paunchy middle and her black eyeliner had streaked down her face with tears. She held her cell phone in one trembling hand and spoke into it with increasing gesticulation. Of course I was too far away to hear exactly what she was saying, but there were a few guesses that came to mind. Her boyfriend dumped her. Her boyfriend cheated on her. Her boyfriend was a no-good lay about who got thrown in prison. Either way, that girl wasn’t getting kissed on the mouth tonight.

            I leaned against the bus stop sign and pushed my sunglasses further up my nose. I couldn’t rightly remember if they’d simply slipped down my nose in the July heat or I’d actively moved them, caught up in the tiny drama unfolding across the street. Either way, it was easier to concentrate on the nothing I wanted to when my world was two or three shades darker than normal. I caught the first coughing, grinding sounds of the bus as it made its way up the street. I slung my bag over my shoulder and stood at the curb, directing my body away from the girl. I caught myself wanting to look back. Call me morbid. Instead, I looked towards the bus that rumbled to a stop at the corner. The frosty air on the bus caught me off guard; plastering my sweaty hair to my forehead and making it prickle. There were only two other people on the bus, so I grabbed a seat in the back. I held my bag in my lap and pushed my sunglasses onto my head. I wanted to catch another glance at the girl. I wanted to. Maybe everything ended up ok for her. I didn’t look back. I only leaned my head against the pole as the bus drew away.

 

            Ben wasn’t home when I made it back to our apartment. Neither was Levi, but I could smell the clinging scent of weed drifting from his room and knew he hadn’t been gone long. I also found the refrigerator door halfway open and the food inside quickly going from cool to tepid. I silently reminded myself to do something lecherous to his person to even the score. Maybe mix a bit of bleach into his shampoo. Maybe swap out his whey protein with Nesquik. 

            I dropped my bag on the couch and opened my laptop at the kitchen table. No new emails, which was a bit concerning, considering I’d just sent a re-ordered take-out menu for Wong’s Palace and I needed the $300 I was promised for overhauling it. I sent another email “Hi, just checking in…” before slamming the thing shut and turning on the TV in the living room. I was halfway through an episode of Friends when Ben showed up.

            He dropped his keys in the bowl by the door, (he had bought they key bowl, and so was the only one who used it) before coming in and kissing the top of my head.

            “Hey.”

            “Hey.”

            He dropped down on the cushion beside me. “You hungry?” I glanced away from Joey’s on-screen antics long enough to get a good look at my boyfriend. 

            “Did you bring food?”

            He grinned at me.

            “I brought…ingredients. Wanna make dinner with me?” Though I was still bummed over the Grr girl and my take-out menu, I didn’t want to drag Ben down with me. I cracked a tiny smile.

            “Sure. What the hell.”

 

            Ben’s naturally buoyant personality managed to get me all the way through vegetable chopping before I found myself trying to mope again. Ben was telling me about a coworker who had gotten into a fight with a customer over a TV before the cops had to be called as I cored a tomato.

            “I told them to never hire that kid. I mean I would never call someone a thug, but…” he dropped a chicken breast into a pan and it began to sizzle. He shrugged a shoulder as if to say oh well. I rinsed my cutting board. My face must have not shown the proper amount of chagrin at his tale, because suddenly Ben’s arms were wrapped around my back, his chin resting on my shoulder.

            “Hey you.”

I reached for a rag.

            “Hi.”

            “Is everything ok? You seem a little…” he rocked his chin back and forth on my shoulder, searching for the word.

            “Down?’

            “Down’s a good word. But I was going to say melancholy.” I rubbed out the red tomato stain on my cutting board.

            “Eh. More or less.” Ben kissed my shoulder.

            “What’s the matter Sid? Did something happen?”

            I shrugged. Ben sighed. I left the cutting board on the drying rack and turned around. Ben put his hands on my hips and stared. He seemed to be thinking of what to say. Finally, he grimaced.

            “You did take your meds today, right?”

            For the first time since finding the refrigerator left open, I felt a rush of irritation. I gritted my teeth.

            “Yes, Mommy. I took my pills like a good little girl.” I broke out of his grip and slammed the dish washer shut.

            “Sidney that’s not what�"”

            “It’s not easy being me, Benjamin.” I barked. But the anger faded quickly. As soon as I looked up into his hurt face, I broke. Ben didn’t deserve this. He was a good kid. Also, I was tired. I dropped my gaze. Then his arms were around me again.

            “It’s not easy…being green.” he sang in his worst Kermit the Frog expression. I laughed and shoved him off. I grabbed his hand.

            “Let’s go watch Dr. Who.”

 

            That night I dreamt I was chased over rooftops by a giant Minotaur with a face that wouldn’t stay still. I knew I could grow the wings necessary to fly away from him and his rotten face, but as soon as he descended upon me I found I wasn’t strong enough. I could only hover above the ground. I couldn’t remember the last few seconds before he attacked.

 

Reviews

[Max64]

JJ – a good start. There are some moments of normality expressed very well. I particularly liked “I leaned against the bus stop sign and pushed my sunglasses further up my nose. I couldn’t rightly remember if they’d simply slipped down my nose in the July heat or I’d actively moved them, caught up in the tiny drama unfolding across the street.” The arrangement might be suited better in a different form but there is familiarity and clarity that help establish the voice’s point of view. Throughout there was a bit of using the “big word” instead of the “right word,” and some leaning out in successive drafts might make the flow work better and also support your imagery. No idea where you are going with your story, which is part of the point? You appear to want to show some insight into your narrator, making her appear relatively normal. The reader is unsure why she has reacted the way she has, and there is just enough to show that she has, or is supposed to have a normal/typical life. Last sentence then is out of the realm of the previous parts of the chapter – again as the intent. It might be a little too jarring though. With like, 5% less shock in that paragraph, I think you would make this a page turner.

[A. Amos]

I truly enjoyed your story from the beginning till the end will be back to finish what I started, one thing for sure you are a great story teller:) Keep it up...

[Jennifer Johnston]

Thanks so much! Glad you enjoyed it!

[A. Amos]

Loved it:) You're most welcome