Oceans Final Kiss

Slow steps lead her to her destination. She looked down to see her small feet stepping down on the warm sand. She stepped on some rocks as she made her way to the ocean, but that was the least of her worries. There was a slight breeze that pulled her dark brown hair in front of her face. Throughout her life she was frequently complimented on this feature. Where she lived, blonde hair was very common and brown hair was considered unique. Her hair used to shine brighter than the hot sun and people couldn’t keep from staring. What could she say,  she was beautiful after all. Her perfect figure, small and delicate facial features, and long hair was desired by many. She didn’t feel this way. She thought of her looks as a burden, only contributing to her feeling the way she does. 

She continued to walk through the sand and looked over at the small beach shack that she remembered so well before sighing and continuing to stroll. Her black sweater and long black pants caused many to wonder what had happened to the floral and pink clothes that once sat upon her body. Her mom used to tell her that it was way too hot in the summer to be wearing such dark clothing. She always ignored this, and also ignored the gossip and rumors that followed her wherever she went. 

She looked around and made sure that there were no people lingering in the distance. She slowly started to remove the black clothing and her skin started to show. She looked at her body from her above view, and winced before continuing to walk. She was stripped down to only her undergarments now, and this would usually make her quite self conscience. Only now she didn’t feel that way. 

When she felt a cold tingle upon her bare toes she knew she had reached the ocean. The ocean was a place she used to feel was home. She took swimming lessons as a child, and then starting going to the ocean every day. She used to be convinced that she was a mermaid that had been stuck on land. 

She closed her eyes and let the waves crash on her before recollecting the events of that summer. The heartbreaks, the pains, the frustration. That is when she made her final decision. She walked deeper and deeper into the soft waters which she used to love. It used to look so blue, but now it was as dark as possible. She ignored the cold feeling as it was not very warm outside either. As she got to her neck, she pondered running back to her house and spending her evenings as usual. When she thought about going back, she saw him out of the corner of her eye. He could not see her, but she could see his body picking up boxes and the restaurant he worked at, his despicable grin covering his face like he had no care in the world. She decided to make her final decision. The emptiness of her heart pained her as she walked further and further. Being already dead inside, dying would not be much different. The scars that lined her body began to sting, the only feeling from her life that she would be left with. She didn’t bother holding her breath as she went underwater and let the ocean take her away. Her life was over, the pain was gone, and she was left at exactly what she wanted to be. A mermaid in the beautiful sea.

Author's Note

Let me know what you think!

Reviews

[Trigorin]

Your writing is decent, but you need to make sure you break it up into paragraphs - nobody wants to read a gigantic wall of text, even if it's very good. Your concept is fairly good, but to be honest there's not much there as a story, but it's a fun little exercise. One thing I'd be careful of is getting too bogged down in description of unimportant details - you want to make sure the action stays sharp and that your story flows, and, as it is, it's just barely not working for you. Still, besides those notes, this is a very good effort. Well done.

[Jen]

Thank you! I was given a theme and I just tried to work on it but I agree with you on the notes. I'll definitely work on that stuff

[SmileBig :)]

I have no words...INCREDIBLE WOULD BE ONE! Jeez you drew me in and I stayed there, wondering, reading on, guessing what she would do next! Your writing skills are beyond amazing! Wonderful job!

Much love

[Jen]

Wow thank you so much that means a lot!

[SmileBig :)]

No problem