Chapter 4- Anna

What is reality, anyway?

Something very strange was happening to him. Before the meeting, his shadow had been all his own. He thought he was alone. But now, wherever he went, he began to see visions that no one else seemed to see. They weren’t always shadows.

When he was able to wrestle himself out of bed (it still took hours, his own shadow grew furious and vengeful when he disappeared into sleep) he walked to coffee shops, to restaurants, to movie theaters. At a Thai place near his house, he watched a wolf gnaw hungrily at a man’s leg the entire time he was sitting there. When the man rose, Will was surprised to realize it had only been a peg leg. (phantom limb pain, how to make this clear?)

A woman walking from the store a few blocks from his apartment dragged weights strapped to her shoulders, arms, and back. When Will offered to help carry her groceries she narrowed her eyes suspiciously at him, but acquiesced. As they walked, a few weights snapped off her back. At her door, her eyes much softer than before, she thanked him.

The teller at Will’s bank had glistening, reptilian scales.

Red steam rose out of dark-skinned men outside the bars, late at night in the city. Will avoided them, afraid he would be infected somehow by the towers of gas rising around them.

He didn’t drink anymore. But Jeremy wouldn’t leave him alone"kept insisting that they go back to meetings. “It’s a disease,” he said, “It’s progressive. This community will help you keep up your sobriety, Will.”

So he went. He went, and watched, and grew high on the emotions released into the room. The shadow fell asleep every time"something about the atmosphere of the place lulled it. Will craved the peace it gave him. Found himself going to meetings more and more often. Two meetings a day, sometimes. He didn’t tell Jeremy. He went to the ones that Jeremy insisted on"usually once every three or four days. But he returned on his own, soaked up the energy in the room. He didn’t speak anymore. Just sat in the corner and listened.

Every so often a member would come in who was in severe pain. Will didn’t know how he knew"something about the way their energy presented itself. A woman walked in, a particular Sunday, and Will sat straight up. Her eyes met his sharply. She was covered in writhing, purple worms, diving in and out of her skin. He lost his breath, frightened, on edge, willing her not to sit next to him.

She came closer. Every hair of his stood on end. His shadow growled protectively, expanding in front of Will like a shield. He watched, dumbfounded. It had never protected him before. It had never interacted with anything besides himself. And now… it stretched itself between him and the twisting mass that placed itself in the seat next to him.

Her green eyes scanned him, her lips curved into a smile. Will’s heart pounded.

“Hi,” she said, and extended her hand. “I’m Grace.”

He looked at her hand. He knew it would be rude not to shake it. But… he couldn’t. He could see tiny worms burrowing underneath her nails, poking lavender heads out of her knuckles, out of her palms.

“H-hi…” Will couldn’t meet her eyes. He tucked his hands into his armpits. She waited a beat before letting hers drop, her smile dropping as well. He could feel her eyes on him, her uncertainty, and guilt burned a small hole in his stomach. The worms seemed to increase in mass, her frame grew even smaller, wasting away beneath them. She rose and sat across the room just before the meeting began.

His shadow condensed into a catlike form again, and instead of sitting in his lap, it perched in front of him, staring aggressively at the form across the room. Will felt a rush of gratitude. The shadow looked back at him with narrowed eyes and bit his arm roughly before facing front again.

Got it, Will thought. You aren’t here to protect me.

As Grace brushed up against the man next to her, he watched as a couple worms fell out of her skin and attached themselves to a new host. They changed color, to a bright orange, as they dove in and out of the skin of the man beside her, multiplying rapidly. From him, they leapt to another man, this time turning a light blue. Each host seemed to grow jittery as their infections spread. The regular steam of relief Will had grown accustomed to was thin today, and as the worms spread, the steam grew thinner.

Will’s shadow grew larger. It seemed to feel just as anxious about the worms as Will did, snarling as the masses grew. As the man next to him slowly transformed into a writhing green bulk, his shadow batted the worms away. He watched it try to bite one and spit it out as if its mouth were on fire.

He leapt up without waiting for the meeting to be over. He couldn’t stand it any longer; his shadow was nudging him out the door, now in the shape of a wildcat, pushing him to the door, yowling impatiently. He muttered an excuse before letting the door snap closed behind him.

Bright, sweet relief enveloped him. Falling all around him were bright yellow flowers, raining from the sky, lighting around him like soft dew. He blinked, shocked at the swift change. The air around him glowed with warmth. Someone was humming quietly around the corner. Will followed the sound. His shadow chased the flowers playfully, pouncing and batting them as a housecat might. He wanted to watch, amazed as he was, but he felt drawn to the voice and couldn’t stop himself from searching for the source.

Just around the edge of the grey, grim building was a girl with a long brown braid down her back. Her voice slipped from between her lips like warm silk, the melody a soft stream of light. She looked up when Will’s foot brushed a rock, the noise cutting her off. Her cheeks flushed, she pulled buds out of her ears. “Ah… sorry. I didn’t realize anyone was out here-“ she said, just as he began to say, “You don’t have to stop"“

Silence gripped him, pressed his lungs together. He waited, anticipating the shadow, expecting it to alight upon him, tell him the terrible things she was thinking about him.

He waited.

He heard a soft thud, and looked over his shoulder as the shadow landed on a particularly large bloom. It threw the flower up and hit it with a paw, ignoring him completely.

“Were you in the meeting?”

When he turned back towards her he was stuck by how light her eyes seemed to be. The lightest blue. A dimple formed in her cheek as she smiled uncomfortably, the silence stretching on.

“Uh, yeah.” He found his voice finally.

She nodded. “Good for you.” She put one headphone back in her ear. Will caught a hint of the music, saw a small glimmer. She noticed him listening. “Do you like Jimmy Eat World?”

He shrugged, shook his head. I haven’t heard of them.

“Everyone needs to hear them at least once.” She offered the other earpiece to him.

With tentative steps to avoid the flowers scattered around her, he came closer and held the earpiece. Like dry ice, soft white gas was tumbling out of it. He put it in his ear nervously, sat down on the bench she was also perched on.

He liked it, that much he knew. It felt like walking in a field with tall grass. He closed his eyes and let the music pour through him, saw the hills in his mind’s eye. The distant mountains, the great plains. The cliff"him at the very edge, the wind blowing his hair in all directions at once, and this feeling… this beautiful precipice.

When he opened his eyes, the girl was watching him, and he smiled at her. “I like it,” he said, and white steam blew from his lips as he spoke. She didn’t seem to notice, even though the steam brushed by her cheek. He could feel her approval. A different shape to the light in her eyes, a different purse in her lips. “It’s my favorite.”

Will took out the earpiece and handed it back to her. “Thanks.” He rose, knew he should leave. Didn’t want to. “So, what’re you doing out here?”

She pulled her knees up to her chest, blue jeans crinkling at the creases, and crossed her arms over them. A baggy grey sweatshirt. “Waiting for my dad. He’s in there too.”

As though her word was the cue, the meeting door opened and they heard the sounds of slow exits, goodbyes, car doors.

“I’m Anna,” she told him, rising. She had a yellow flower in her hair. Had that been there before? Will resisted the urge to reach out, to see if it was real. “I’m Will.”

The warm glow in the air grew cold as a man approached around the corner. Will’s shadow bounded over to him, began to growl low in its throat. Pale grey worms flew off a walking, twisting mass. The closer they came, the faster they flew, until the figure of a man began to reveal itself.

Herb?

When he reached Anna, the worms had all fallen and disintegrated. A small vine wrapped around his wrist, and when he looked at Will, it grew, twisting up Herb’s arm. Will stepped back without thinking.

“Nice to meet you,” he told Anna, and smiled nervously at Herb before turning and walking away. The shadow hopped up onto his shoulder and began the usual routine.

She thought you were awkward

Why didn’t you stay longer and talk to Herb, at least be polite

You stayed way too long, now she’ll never come back

As he walked, he thought about the music of her voice, the wisps of auburn that fell across her cheek, her slight smile. On his wrist he noticed a small flower blooming. He plucked it, offered it up to the shadow. It took it from his hand, and ceased whispering.