July 15th, 2010

To my baby boy (K):

     I am writing this to you and your sister when she enters this world to tell you all the things that I want you to know. It is a place where I can tell you where you came from, how I feel, and my hopes and dreams for your future. This is a way for me to tell you how I am feeling as I watch you grow and someday I hope you are able to read this and realize just how much your mommy and daddy love you. This is a journey that you and I will be on forever and I want to keep track of it because I would never want to forget a minute of everything you have brought into our lives.

     You are only ten months old right now and already you have a little sister on the way. She is in mommys tummy and is 21 weeks right now. I tell you all the time that you are going to be an amazing big brother, and although you don't know what I am saying quite yet, I have all the faith in the world in you. There are going to be times when you feel like we don't love you as much as your sister and where you will feel left out but I want you to know that we love you more then anything in this world and nothing will ever be able to make that love fade. I want to tell you I am sorry right now for the times you may feel that way because I wish you would always know that you are the most loved little man in this world. I thought I would start by telling you the beginning of your story.

     The day we found out you were going to be on the way was the best day in the world. In my life there have been many struggles and heartaches but every single one became worthwhile when I found out I was pregnant. I was scared. I didn't know how to be a mom but I do know how to love and I fell in love with you the minute I saw your little heart up on the screen at the doctors. We did not know what you were at the time so while you were in mommys tummy you were known as "jellybean". This is all my fault little man so when the family calls you jelly bean later on in life you have full permission to blame me. We found out you were a boy when I was 20 weeks along and you were exactly what I was hoping for. I was so excited to meet you but terrified about being in charge of a little baby. The fun part was trying to name you. The first name that we picked out was Jackson Michael. We were set on your name for so long until one of my friends pointed out that that was Michael Jackson backwards. I am suprised nobody broke this to me before but I just could not do that to you. We wanted Michael to be your middle name because it is your daddys name and finally we chose your name. However your nickname has now changed from jelly bean to Bubba.........you can blame this on your momma also.

     You must have some of my stubborness because you did not want to come out. Your due date came and went and you were in there throwing punches and having a party. My doctor decided to induce me to get you out and I was so worried that I became sick with a migraine. I was throwing up, you were punching and the doctor kept promising you were coming. Well, my darling little man, you stayed in there for 40 hours of labor and then they decided your head was to big so they did a c-section. When I saw you for the first time my heart soared. You made every little bad thing that had happened in my life disappear the minute you arrived. Your daddy had tears of pride in his eyes, which is amazing because we all thought your daddy would pass out the instant they started taking you out, but he stayed strong for you and there you were. I saw you for two seconds and then you were gone and I was off to recovery. Daddy went with you because he wanted to make sure you were safe. It was the longest hour of my life and then your daddy brought you down to me and I saw you for the first time and realized how amazing a parents love can be for a child. I have never felt anything so strong in my life. There are times now that I look at you sleeping, or clapping, or laughing and I don't think it's possible to love you more then I do but I fall more in love with you every second of every day. The minute I saw you I wanted to protect you from all the hurt and pain in this world and I know that I can not but I will be here, no matter what, to hug you and help mend whatever pains you may have along the way. You amaze me every day little guy and I am so proud to be your momma.

     In this I am going to tell you stories of your life. I want to make sure you know where you came from and the people who love you so you have these memories to look back on whenever you feel like it in life. I want you to know the story of your grandaddy who is in heaven looking down on you. I want you to know the story of your mom and dad and all the feelings that happen between now and when you are able to understand more. But most of all I want you to know just how much your mommy and daddy love you. I love you very much. Thanks for making my dreams come true. This is going to be a journey we will never forget and I already know that is going to be worth every second. Right now you are fast asleep with yourlittle giraffe and I can't wait to see your smiling face in the morning.

                                     I love you Bubba,

                 Mom