The Alley

written for the "Murder through Poetry " contest

 

The Alley

 

Sshhh, Whisper softly

Don’t disturb the night

        Death sleeps in the Alley

 

Careful, now step softly

Keep eyes clear for sight

        Death stirs in the Alley

 

Beware, oh please take care

Not time for frozen fright

        Death wakes in the Alley

 

Too late, now blind eyes stare

Wicked laughter fills the night

         Death walks in the Alley

 

ã Copyright jen-JG 7 July 2008

Author's Note

Anthing you care to say here - honesty is good.

Reviews

[David Darabian]

Wow! I love it! As you may or may not know poetry isn't exactly up my alley, but yours was the best one I've read for quite some time. I can't really explain why I like it, I just do, but I'll try anyway. First of all it's very still yett haunting, the feel to it, the imagery it produces... love it. Also it's feels almost like a song, a scary childrens song or something. I almost hear a narrator read this poem in the opening of a movie. Anyway, well done! And again, I love it!

[Sam]

Wow that was great! "Death walks in the Alley" thats such a good line.

I love this poem, keep up the amazing work. Looking forward to reading more

[Norma J. Jessee]

Beautifully written. I can just hear these words being whispered as a warning not to go into the alley.
Very creepy, I certainly won't be going near that alley anytime soon. Thank you for the warning Jen.
Youo should win this contest hands down.
I love it.

[Nick Erickson]

I like this piece, just the kind of short, chilling piece that leaves the reader looking over their shoulder and avoiding alleys.
Excellent!!

[Mark Pearce]

It has a controlled but somber tone. I can only read it as a whispered piece. The progreession provides nice structure.

I'd might take out the word "in" in the final line. It makes it more direct and sinister and a nice way to close.

[Nicholas Hallows]

I like it. You build up the tension really effectively and create a real sense of foreboding.
I also like how it says just enough to stir the imagination yet also leaves a lot to up to the reader.
When I read it I am immediately transported to the alley where I walk with tentative steps.
The rhyme scheme works well too.
Well done and good luck in the competition.

[Legion]

Chilling. Leaves me wondering what (aside from death) takes residence in that alley. I'm staying clear that is for sure. Well done. Penetrates the darkest fear-embraced recesses of one's mind.