Fairy-tale Ending

I wrote you a verse, and hoped to have immortalize you with words.

Every line has an untold fairytale

Each space has an unsaid word

The secret of an eventful story

The silence of our entangled world

I remember the flowers and the sky

The birds that sing tuneful lullabys

I remember the smile you smiled that night

Then cloud nine, my heart could fly

And the unexpected crept into my mind

A poet may have risen that night

So, I'll write you a verse

Immortalize you with words

Fill the empty spaces,

The hidden lines,

The love song in reverse

You will be the memory

The factual fairytale ending

The romantic note that came to life

An inspiration that took time

From every note the lullaby declares

I will love you, this I swear

Author's Note

Simple things

I'm unsure of the words, 'cause it might not speak the message that I'm trying to convey or if it's alright the way it is.

So, yeah, feedback would be nice! Be it positive or negative, I'd love to improve on it if it deems necessary.

Thank you!

Reviews

[Pax]

The first stanza takes us into an introduction of somewhat an epic romance building up…

The second stanza takes us into a first meeting of flying hearts… the smile that captured the heart of the narrator…

The third stanza takes us to an rising poet that sings the tune of his/her heart…

The fourth stanza, my favorite part… though quite sad… but truly conveyed in such emotional verse that sings the tune of the narrator’s heart…

The last stanza, love and its inspiration sings its harmonic music…. Like romances is in the air… a strong ending…
Great work kabayan…

[Jem Sagcal]

Thank you for your detailed review on each stanza, Kuya! I had hoped that those exact thoughts would enter a person's mind as I wrote this. I truly appreciate your positive comments!

[Pax]

if you let that person read this... a lovely thought will come to mind, just depends how the two of you knew each other so well... great thoughts kabayan... and your most welcome!

[Ency Bearis]

Such so romantic and inspiring piece, lovely indeed and well poetized.

[SW..if..TY]

BEAUTIFUL!!!! Loved it, so much emotion and power behind each stanza!!

[Jem Sagcal]

Thanks!

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

"The romantic note that came to life
An inspiration that took time
From every note the lullaby declares
I will love you, this I swear."

A nice poem! Very romantic.

[Jem Sagcal]

Thank you so much!

[quinfinn]

don't worry, it speaks loudly what you are trying to convey. every sound is a symphony when you have a memory such as this to embrace. lovely.....

[Jem Sagcal]

I'm glad that it does, thank you!

[Rhianne Ney]

Simple yet beautifully and considerably written. Your thoughts are well spread and sounded romantic (:

[Jem Sagcal]

Thank you so much!

[Rhianne Ney]

You're welcome (:

[James Hanna-Magill]

Dear Jem

Yes simple things bound up in simple language.

But more for that reason than less, very touching.

Style: I like the way you shift from unfilled spaces to filling them in; untold story to the telling of it; fairy tale unrealised to realised.

Form: I would have preferred that you measure the length of each stanza into say four lines, or any other number you choose. As with songs, you might vary the theme by having equally numbered (in terms of lines) stanzas with a shorter or longer chorus or one which sticks out by difference and is meant to mark.

I assure you this is a little thing and I am sure you could fiddle around with it to give it a tiny bit more impact in form.

Content: Love story. End of the rainbow. Pot of Gold. It is the simplicity of love. Maybe even first. And it is the more powerful for it.

I do like this piece of writing.

I applaud it from one so young as you. Apologies for ageism but it is my fault to be 53 and not yours to be 18.

Keep writing.

You have a good thing going here.

Let us read more.

It would be my pleasure.

With my warmest regards

James

[Jem Sagcal]

Sir James,

I truly appreciate your detailed review! I have never read a incredibly constructive one such as yours. I will take your advice and will do so edit the form in this poem. Thank you very much again, Sir James!

[James Hanna-Magill]

Dear Jem

I assure you the pleasure has been all mine.

I find it unsatisfactory to be cursory in my reviews.

It either suggests I am superficial or the person I am reviewing is, in this case you.

And neither of us is.

I admire you.

Even if only for my sake, who wishes to encourage, keep writing.

In a way, you owe it not only to yourself but to the rest of humanity.

You have something to tell us all.

Tell it and only ever in your way, no-one else's.

To the extent that I have made one suggestion as to form, take it as it comes as a suggestion in generosity of spirit.

With all due respect

James Hanna-Magill

[Areeba]

I love the way every love story has this amazing fairy tale side, thank you for sharing, it's a great piece!

[Jem Sagcal]

Yes, I'd like to think that true love do have their fairy tale sides. Thank you so much for your review.

[Areeba]

Welcome^^

[Feary]

This is very nice. I like the last paragraph the best. We can feel the love brimming. Nice job.

[Jem Sagcal]

I hoped for the last paragraph to make an impact. Thank you!