Starting To End

So small, So tired,

I am the empty

And drown into lifeless water.

Sweating only to float in the tide,

Life carries me into age.


My eyes droop,

Letting the fire smoke dead.

I think only to lose my head.

I breathe only to freeze.

I start only to cease.

Author's Note

What do you think about the cycle of start and end/life and death? How can I improve or what made this a good write?

Reviews

[One Lost Anti-Hero]

Very philosophical and so interesting. It truly speaks out to you and question the meaning of it all. I suggest increasing the length by a two or three stanza and express the comparison of the two subjects in either physical or emotional connection to each other.

[Nyu]

Thank you so much for not only a kind opinion but advice - it helps a lot

[Red3Bravo]

I really love that last line. If you're doing the cycle of life and death I feel like you need another stanza or two on the strength of youth and the steadiness of middle age. I feel like the first stanza captures the despair and decline of old age as physical and mental power fades and we shrink into ourselves.

[Nyu]

Thank you and yeah i wasn't really speaking of life and death like most of my readers seem to understand. but thank you. I was just generally speaking of all things coming to an end at some point.

[Perkele.7885]

Is there no no opportunity to extend life by any measure of time by struggling a bit? It seems you write it as it is a forgone conclusion that death is imminent Correct? If so, explain to the reader on that it is a forgone conclusion and death is imminent.

[V. P. Trujillo]

You have become quite a nice writer, Jackie. This one is worded very nicely.

[Nyu]

Aw thank you so much! :) Its good to hear from you again

[Sami Khalil]

"I think only to lose my head.

I breathe only to freeze.

I start only to cease."

A good poem. Thank you for sharing with us...:)..........................

[Nyu]

Thanks for reading

[Sami Khalil]

You are welcome...:).................

[AlmaDeZorro]

Amazing poem! Makes me feel a little old but such is the cycle of life. We will all start to cease eventually but life is to short, the tides of the ocean pushes us too far into age :/

[Nyu]

>_< yeah life does go too fast...and thank you so much! :)

[Coyote Poetry]

Such a honest tone to the poem.
"I am the empty
And drown into lifeless water.
Sweating only to float in the tide,
Life carries me into age."
Old wisdom stated. We kill off the dreams of youth and become old. I liked how you described the cycle of life. The poem is alright as is. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Nyu]

Thank you! x) yeah it is I with definitely old wisdom. I was inspired by Faust's Mephisto..or the devil and things that he says.

[Coyote Poetry]

Old wisdom don't change and is good knowledge. And you are welcome.

[RoyRogers]

I really like this Jellycat but what is ending?

[Nyu]

its philosophical roy :)

[Jamestown]

The title is a perfect fit for message,
I can feel the end nearing because of wording!
Nice flowing write, thanks for sharing and b-blessed!

[Nyu]

thank you so much :)