Atop This Wall

Why should I try to make sense of it all
when thus far all endeavors have failed?

Why should I struggle to win in this world

when each chance that I’ve had I’ve assailed?

 

What can I make of the pieces that lie

broke and scattered in front of my view?

What is the purpose of picking them up

when it’s clear I don’t know what to do?

 

Why should I hope for the darkness to leave

and the sadness to fall from my eyes,

when it’s clear I will never give up this charade

and stop hiding behind all the lies?

 

I’ve gone through these questions again and again,

but the answer is always the same -

that I don’t have the answers, not even a clue

and I’ve only my own self to blame.

 

For I’ve pushed away everyone who ever tried

to assist me and show me they cared,

and I’ve burned every bridge that my path ever crossed

just to prove to the world that I dared.

 

So I stand all alone with no friends and no home

and no future to speak of you see.

And no reason to live, so no reason to give

anyone any chance to reach me.

 

For I know what they’ll say as the coax and the sway

me to come back from off of this ledge,

but I’m on my way down to my hole in the ground,

my next step to become my last pledge.

 

But I’m frozen in fright looking into the night

at the city that brought me to stand

here atop of this wall, so I’ll try all in all…

reaching out to take the angel’s hand.